[Mediocre]

Hey all, I'm new here. Low self esteem since childhood. I've read more books and articles than I can count with no lasting positive results. Something I've boiled it down to is that I'm just not "good" at anything and don't have any useful gifts/talents. Don't get me wrong, there are many things I am "not bad" at, but nothing about me stands out and it drives me nuts. So when I hear 'don't listen to the mean voice telling you you're not good at ..., don't believe it" this just doesn't work for me. I've tried exercises of listing out good things about myself and can stare at a blank page for an hour. I have an average income and an average home. I workout daily however I only lift an average amount of weight and run a below average pace. I'm not butt-ugly but I'm not good-looking either. I'm decent at my job and do my best, however I'm well below the level of those at the top of the field. I could go on forever but you get the point. Just mediocre.

Maybe I'm looking for validation from others to feel worth. I just cant seem to "get" SELF worth and that its ok to not be good at things. I don't love myself or my life despite all the blessings around me. I cant determine a purpose of my life. Or how my being here really benefits anyone since I bring nothing special to the table that nearly anyone else could bring. Any thoughts or insights are much appreciated.

[-jimi-]

What are some things you like doing?

I think the way you look at it is the cause of your self esteem problem. You don't have to be excellent at things to be worthy. Most people are average people. So, you are withing the majority. You just need to be satisfied with what you have and the things you do, while trying to improve.

[Mediocre]

Jimi - I'm an avid fisherman. I fish tournaments twice a week from June thru early September, plus "fun" fishing a few times in the month pre and post tournament season.

Wandering Soul - "I think the way you look at it is the cause of your self esteem problem" Agreed. But if that's the default HOW do you change that?

"You don't have to be excellent at things to be worthy" This is what I can't seem to get my head around. And if that's true, why do many/most self help books have you write down all the things you're good at? By definition good means better than average. Isn't that counter-productive for someone who's reading it in the first place that doesn't find their self good at anything. Its like a vicious circle. I usually end up feeling worse because I couldn't even complete the exercise that's supposed to help!

"You just need to be satisfied with what you have and the things you do" That's a nice generic answer but its like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking. I hear it and it makes sense but it's like I'm hard wired to think otherwise and cant find a new wiring diagram. There is so much pressure to be bigger, stronger, faster, better looking, smarter, richer, and so on. I guess I was hoping to hear from people who have overcame low self esteem about what specific things they did or studied that made the difference in their lives.

[Mediocre]

Fishing. I fish tournaments in the summer

[Mediocre]

Originally Posted by Wandering Soul

I think the way you look at it is the cause of your self esteem problem. You don't have to be excellent at things to be worthy. Most people are average people. So, you are withing the majority. You just need to be satisfied with what you have and the things you do, while trying to improve.

So why do self help books always have you list out things you're good at? Isn't that counter-productive if the person really isn't good at anything (by definition good = better than average)? I feel worse since I couldn't even compete the exercise! Satisfaction and contentment are very difficult for me. I was hoping for specific actions that worked for others who solved their low esteem issues. What did you find that finally broke through the barrier and led to real progress? Something specific you read? A certain method or activity?

Originally Posted by Mediocre

So why do self help books always have you list out things you're good at? Isn't that counter-productive if the person really isn't good at anything (by definition good = better than average)? I feel worse since I couldn't even compete the exercise! Satisfaction and contentment are very difficult for me. I was hoping for specific actions that worked for others who solved their low esteem issues. What did you find that finally broke through the barrier and led to real progress? Something specific you read? A certain method or activity?

I read many self-help books my self, and found most of them not helpful as well. The only thing that I find useful is that to be grounded in principles and be genuine. I'm trying to implement these.

I assume you are talking about social life. If you are talking about work, aspiring for better skills and performance is a good thing, but the problem lies when you think that you are not good enough now, which may discourage you from continuing. I think some satisfaction of your current situation is required to push forward.

AT one time I would have suggested you see a T but not anymore. Now I know better. Try not to feel too bad. I know people who have been blessed with plenty and they do NOTHING with it. Instead of helping others with their "talent" they just walk around putting others down. Some people who seem to be good at something, are often just phonies. They just know the tricks of how to IMPRESS people. Believe me being mediocre is a lot better than being a SHALLOW excuse for a human being that some people are.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Torntwopcs

AT one time I would have suggested you see a T but not anymore. Now I know better. Try not to feel too bad. I know people who have been blessed with plenty and they do NOTHING with it. Instead of helping others with their "talent" they just walk around putting others down. Some people who seem to be good at something, are often just phonies. They just know the tricks of how to IMPRESS people. Believe me being mediocre is a lot better than being a SHALLOW excuse for a human being that some people are.

Originally Posted by Mediocre

Jimi - I'm an avid fisherman. I fish tournaments twice a week from June thru early September, plus "fun" fishing a few times in the month pre and post tournament season.

Wandering Soul - "I think the way you look at it is the cause of your self esteem problem" Agreed. But if that's the default HOW do you change that?

"You don't have to be excellent at things to be worthy" This is what I can't seem to get my head around. And if that's true, why do many/most self help books have you write down all the things you're good at? By definition good means better than average. Isn't that counter-productive for someone who's reading it in the first place that doesn't find their self good at anything. Its like a vicious circle. I usually end up feeling worse because I couldn't even complete the exercise that's supposed to help!

"You just need to be satisfied with what you have and the things you do" That's a nice generic answer but its like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking. I hear it and it makes sense but it's like I'm hard wired to think otherwise and cant find a new wiring diagram. There is so much pressure to be bigger, stronger, faster, better looking, smarter, richer, and so on. I guess I was hoping to hear from people who have overcame low self esteem about what specific things they did or studied that made the difference in their lives.

IMO being 'good' at something isn't necessary for healthy self-esteem, if you have a job, home, health enough to work out it sounds a pretty good life from my perspective. The self-esteem work I did did not overemphasise achievements, but rather encouraged me to be mindful and enjoy the positive experiences I had.

The "stronger, faster, better looking, smarter, richer, and so on" is not helpful in my experience - I am not those things but I feel okay about myself these days. There are other strengths, thoughtfulness, kindness, creativity that we can develop - these often make us feel good.

It isn't anything as drastic as rewiring, just looking at things from a different angle.

[Twistedfate22]

I don't think you need to do anything to have value in life. You have value just because you are. That's enough. When you say you aren't good at anything that's because you are comparing yourself to others who are "better". Stop comparing. Just be yourself. That's good enough and deserving of love.