Realizing even more to let go of crap

I think this is the right spot to ask this question. Had a conversation with a friend earlier today on needing to be validated. He notice by something I said that I didn't hear it myself that I was seeking validation. He said why don't you let this **** go? I have a hard time letting go I still seek validation. I have been seeking being loved, cared for, acknowledged, valued, and to never be abandoned by anyone.

I never knew any tools/skills to help me go in another direction. I do value people's opinions on things, it makes me feel bad when they don't agree with something I say or want to do especially what I want to do. In my previous therapy, haven't gotten to this point of doing the internal work. I am doing a journal on this topic for my privacy and seeing what's been going on with myself.

I never in my life was able to live authentically it always had to be a mask for everyone because that's what they wanted never wanted the real me. I come across as a threat to people which seems to threaten their content and compliant attitude. People have said I carry a very strong aura. There are things I am gonna write a list in my journal of **** that's still being held onto and look at crossing out each one - maybe listen to meditation music.

I will finish this later need to go to bed.

I was remembering something about this regarding myself today. My brother used to tell me that i was always looking for our mothers approval.

What i didnt understand was that she would pretend to agree with me just to shut me up, but really she wasnt even listening to me. So i wasnt even getting acknowledgement, forget about approval. I wasnt being heard. At all. I was being fooled.

Same here with my mom dad too. I guess my question is how do you stop seeking validation? It seems everybody else got recognition except me.

I got it from my therapist. He is mainly a child psychologist. I told him i couldnt go on with no one ever loving me. That no one ever supported me - i dont mean financially, but emotionally. It has taken a long time. So i got my validation from him, and then i started getting validation on pc by learning how to get along with people here. That took a long time too and was not easy! At the beginning i often got into fights here. I still do a little! I think you and i both have a big personality

I agree on having a big personality. It's crippling my life sigh I always got into verbal fights too I've had people who told me I get defensive so easily. I do have a right to defend myself yet people feel I don't have that right. My former 2nd therapist validated my feelings took forever for someone to see the truth!