I've been out of a job for a few years due to a number of health difficulties, and am now taking steps to get my life back on track. I suffer from some sort of phobic anxiety disorder and was thinking I wouldn't survive whatever I need to do next without medication (never taken psych meds before) - however, I went and read about people's experiences on those meds and now I'm terrified, not wanting to have to take them after all..

So, I decided to FACE what it is that makes me so scared whenever I'm around other people - and realised it's BELIEVING I'm totally unlovable. What initially started my downfall years ago was dating this guy who actually LIKED me - as crazy as I'm sure this sounds, I couldn't handle it! It completely broke me, my idea of myself as someone whom NOBODY could love.. I ended up in therapy where we dove deep into my childhood and my dad being scary as hell, and all the losses that entailed..

So, now I'm at a place where I need to start believing I AM lovable. Of course I am - there's just no other way! So no matter what happens 'out there', no matter who decides to hate me and treat me like dirt, it doesn't change the fact that I am lovable. Always. If I can believe this, understand it, really grasp it, I feel I'll finally have the ground beneath me through which I will never fall..

[ReptileInYourHead]

Well said notdeadyet.

[Misssy2]

I'm glad you are "getting" well.

Receiving love is not easy for some of us, and deep seated beliefs about ourselves can stop us doing so. I understand why someone liking you was a scary thing, it was alien to you - and I am so sorry for the past experiences which made you feel this way.

Keep challenging those negative beliefs, use evidence to back it up, good luck to you!

[Tryingtosurvive1]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

So, now I'm at a place where I need to start believing I AM lovable. Of course I am - there's just no other way! So no matter what happens 'out there', no matter who decides to hate me and treat me like dirt, it doesn't change the fact that I am lovable. Always. If I can believe this, understand it, really grasp it, I feel I'll finally have the ground beneath me through which I will never fall..

You've put this beautifully.. I wish you all the luck and success on your journey.

Thank you all so much for the support!

The last few days, I've been thinking about how I need to start implementing self love, and even that scares me even though it'll be me doing it - you'd think the fact I can control myself would put me at ease.. I guess anything new will scare me.. And I feel that's actually a good thing, that fear is actually trying to keep me safe! And I suppose the way forward is to get to know what scares me.. To see if it's dangerous or safe.. And I have an inkling that love won't ever hurt me, so that's good..

[Angel_Davis]

Thanks, this is inspirational

[jar222]

You are a true inspiration, and I believe you got this you already know what you need to do now all you have to do is apply it and focus.
Good Luck !

[WannabeMe84]

Your words are wonderfully inspiring. I have a similar challenge ahead. I particularly struggle with loving myself unconditionally. I did receive some love from my father when I was younger but I had to earn it by living up to his incredibly high standards. Whenever I do any of the things you are suggesting that scare you, I too get petrified. Successes or somebody liking me for me again scare me. In any of these situations, the fear is completely unsubstantiated and it's the fear of what would have happened had I of loved myself as a child.
In short, you are an inspiration to me. Thank you.