Where does self-worth come from?

In my opinion, self-worth comes from how you were raised when you were little. While your brain and self-image is forming, your parents' or caretakers' methods of parenting affect how you develop both physically and emotionally. I suppose there are people who overcome this in their life and become completely emotionally healthy, but, I've never met one of them.

I very much agree with you, Jane.

I identify with what Lizard lady says,I don't have DID or alters but my inner child is frightened of everything due to extreme neglect in childhood.Sometimes I am like a frightened abandoned child,I have never thought about what I went through as a child without feeling lost and afraid so I tried not to think about it ever.I just realised most of the abuse I tolerated as an adult was due to the fear of abandonment from experiencing abandonment as a child.I get more severe PTSD symptoms when my self esteem is low and I get triggered more then too.The frightened little girl inside me feels not good enough and that she is not worthy of attention or love or respect,after all when she most needed looking after her caregivers were mostly absent.I find it hard to say out loud the words,I deserve love and respect,cos I don't really feel that I do deserve it,my self esteem is that low.

That is a really tough question, one I'm sure most of us here has grappled with. I'm still trying to discover self-worth, but my current thoughts on it:

We were not born with a sense of unworthiness. We learn to devalue ourselves as we age and experience this world, which is harsh and complex. We believe the perceptions, ideas, opinions, thoughts, musings and conclusions of other people, even of society as a whole. Why do we think we're ugly? Because society has decided that there is a pretty. Why do we think our view of something is incorrect and even ludicrous? Because another person views things differently, and has criticized us as if our view is invalid and laughable. We learn to see ourselves as we relate to other people. But belief and focus on the perspectives, ideas, and opinions of other people, can make us lose ourselves. I lost myself and my own friendship many years ago, because I was told I was hideous, pathetic, stupid. I simply didn't try to measure up to society's standards - actually wasn't aware I was supposed to. That was my only crime. They made it their lives to measure up to society's standards. Their emphasis on it, made me lose myself, because I eventually believed I should put emphasis on it, too. Ever since then I have considered myself unworthy because I don't match this, don't measure up to that. I think self-worth comes from, at least partly, letting go of these images, these "shoulds."

It comes from finding the breaking point where we refuse to put up with crap any longer. Realising you deserve better than terrible treatment, whether from others or yourself. Finally standing up and saying, "I'm not going to take this!" Absolutely everybody deserves better than a situation that is miserable, cruel, and soul-destroying.

Finally, everybody has good qualities, that would be appreciated and loved by others. For example, if a boyfriend cheated on me, he'd have lost a woman of intense love and passion, fun-loving, flirtatious, and a supportive cheerleader. A best friend. These are worthy qualities, in my opinion, and if one guy doesn't value it, another would.

I think that self-worth is the ability to be kind to yourself even when other people are NOT kind to you.

Self-worth, in my humble opinion, is my shield against other people harming me emotionally, physically, and verbally.

Those are words of truth!!

I think first and foremost, self-worth develops when parents love their kids. When they take care of their children's needs and are interested in and want to know who their children are as people and support their growth. By their actions, show their kids they matter. That message gets internalized, and the same loving treatment from others throughout our most formative years (and whole lives) reinforces it.

On the other hand, when people are unable to show/prove/teach us our worth (because they don't know their own) we internalize a different message - that we're somehow defective, bad, shameful even. This is what I learned, and it's taken me almost a decade to turn these beliefs around. What has helped me was one adult in my childhood who loved me unconditionally, a therapist who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to stand by my side, friends who have been there as much as they can, and ultimately, realizing that something wanted me here in this world even though my parents didn't - so the fact that I was born is proof of my worth. Still working on internalizing all of this and daring to love myself, unconditionally.

Why do you assume God is a man? Not trying to judge, I'm genuinely interested to know

Imho I think most believe god is a man type being bec the Bible says in Genesis, that man was made in the image & likeness of Him. Therefore god made man first. Not woman.

I can't provide a blanketing explanation for everyone, or one that is right for you. (That's good, I should probably start out all my responses in the forums here with that statement!) But this is what resonates for me, and it might, and I hope that it may make sense for you as well, which is why I share my thoughts here today.

For me self worth comes from doing. It really is that simple. Finding something that you get interested in, and you get into, and find a way to becomes involved in doing something that which brings you passion eventually leads to you doing that thing a lot. You eventually become very good and very wise in that subject of that passion and your ability to do whatever it is. you sense of fulfilment is high, your esteem is will eventually be as well, as you meet others who do what it is you like to do as well. It can be anything you want, so long as it never feels like work, and it always brings you pride and gratification once you're done.

Do you mean where did it originate, or where does it come in our daily lives?

"the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something." Definition of Value

So, self-worth is the value you place on yourself. It's supply and demand. If you feel you are of value because you are useful and in demand, your worth is higher than if you feel you have little to offer.

For me, it's a birth right. It took an intensive dose of therapy for me to understand this and to reclaim mine.