[WannabeMe84]

Hi guys,

Hope you are all well today . I had one of my worst panic attack type episodes today. I've been really struggling to cope with life recently (I'm in therapy but the depth we are going to is causing some upheaval in my day to day life). I feel a great amount of shame around admitting to not coping, reaching out for help, feeling emotions etc. I'm fairly aware that it comes from my father who is and particularly was, a bit of a tyrant (I don't like labels cos he's not that bad but it's the best way I can describe him). I guess my question is, does anybody else experience this sort of shame? I was brought up to think anything like this was 'mental', 'crazy', shameful etc but as I learn more I start to realise that it may be healthy to react in such a way given hurtful stimuli and the difficulties of life. I am considering that perhaps I am not alone and I guess I'm eager to find out if this inkling is justified.

If you've got this far, thank you so much for reading. Much love.

[campervanman]

Hi WannabeMe84.

You are not and will never be alone with your difficulties!

I myself was brought up by my dad (who also was strict and as you put it a Tyrant)
I was humiliated, un-loved, chastised with the slipper or belt, sent to bed at with no tea and forced to show no weakness! `But` he was my dad, and I thought it was the norm in those days`! (Now I know different) Predominately my dad was one of my main issues` throughout my life! Up until the 7th December last year, after seeing a psychologist.
Now that issue with a sack full of attachments` have now been put to bed. I am now finally at peace with my dad (Wonderful feeling) it is the other issues` I have to try and deal with! SHAME is only `BUT` ONE OF THEM!

Take care.................

[WannabeMe84]

Thanks for replying and sharing. It's nice to feel not so alone. I think I may have a long, painful road ahead of me. I wish you well on your own journey.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by WannabeMe84

Hi guys,

Hope you are all well today . I had one of my worst panic attack type episodes today. I've been really struggling to cope with life recently (I'm in therapy but the depth we are going to is causing some upheaval in my day to day life). I feel a great amount of shame around admitting to not coping, reaching out for help, feeling emotions etc. I'm fairly aware that it comes from my father who is and particularly was, a bit of a tyrant (I don't like labels cos he's not that bad but it's the best way I can describe him). I guess my question is, does anybody else experience this sort of shame? I was brought up to think anything like this was 'mental', 'crazy', shameful etc but as I learn more I start to realise that it may be healthy to react in such a way given hurtful stimuli and the difficulties of life. I am considering that perhaps I am not alone and I guess I'm eager to find out if this inkling is justified.

If you've got this far, thank you so much for reading. Much love.

I love this post. Thank you for sharing. Shame and guilt are similar and often found hand in hand. I struggled so much with chronic guilt and therefore shame. Mostly from my upbringing coupled with my personality . Something that has helped me transition from that dark feeling of worthlessness is the book called "The gifts of imperfection" by Brene Brown. It was a life saver! It talks about guilt and shame, and breaks them down so we can understand, and therefore fight them! It's educational and uplifting! It's like drinking a tall glass of water in a parched land. I felt like FINALLY someone understood.
If you're able to, I'd highly suggest buying it. Take it with you to a nice quiet place, and read. Find your joy again. You won't regret it - --- sending love and comfort!

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by WannabeMe84

I feel a great amount of shame around admitting to not coping, reaching out for help, feeling emotions etc.

This mental practice/exercise may prove to be helpful and effective. Try to imagine that someone else in your life whom you care about was experiencing your exact same circumstances that you are going through. Now, imagine that person was having a heart-to-heart conversation with you and admitted to experiencing everything you outlined above (struggling with coping, reaching out for help, feeling emotions, etc)... How would you react in response to what that person shared with you? How would you feel towards that person and his/her present condition (or state of being)? Would you feel embarrassed for them, and think, "oh that person should be shameful (or guilty) over what he/she is experiencing"....? Or would you instead find yourself feeling heart-based emotions like empathy, sympathy, compassion, acceptance/understanding for what that person is going through?

Really try to tap into how you would feel and perceive such circumstances if a loved one was experiencing and going through exactly what you presently are... This heart-based response that you would generate for another person being in your shoes is exactly what you need to work on increasingly connecting with because it is exactly how YOU should respond and feel towards YOURSELF... You deserve that same compassion/acceptance/understanding that you would extend to another. The more you can integrate this truth into your state of awareness - the more you will find ourself transmuting those current debilitating emotional patterns (like feeling shame) into the healing and uplifting heart-based emotions and this will have the effect of pulling you out of your present condition.... It's like you are re-wiring yourself so that you adopt a whole different way of perceiving yourself and responding to your circumstances.... It takes time, intention, and patience - but this can absolutely be accomplished. Just keep at it and little by little you will start making progress - eventually your momentum will really start to build up steam and then you will find yourself experiencing significant breakthroughs and making huge progress in healing/purifying yourself.

Thank you for sharing your struggles, WannabeMe84!

I can certainly relate. From an early age, I learned to be 'strong', to not feel or express 'negative' emotions, to 'make it on my own'. Eventually (after decades) I suffered a nervous breakdown and have since had to admit big time that I need help, that I need other people. Work through the 'bad' emotions I was never able to feel and express, learn that they're actually alright and normal. I was fortunate enough to be able to attend therapy and have an amazing therapist teach me it's OK to 'bother' people Of course, we've got our work cut out for us trying to change these beliefs when we've learned, throughout our most formative years, that the opposite is true.. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!