[4428247]

I know self-esteem is a struggle a lot of people have, but it also seems to be something that people on here can help with? I know it's a broad problem but what are ways I can start loving myself. I can see that hating myself exacerbates my other mental health issues

[Frankbtl]

Hi 4428247

It sounds like you're going through a hard time I'm sorry
Not sure if I can help sorry, but minimally I feel for you and just a few thoughts:
I'm wondering if you could breakdown for yourself some of those things you hate yourself for........and then see if there's any other perspectives you could put on them, in the sense that maybe you're being a little over critical of yourself??
Maybe if someone else were in the circumstances you were in, perhaps you'd be a little more empathetic to them than you are to yourself?? Some things could be out of your control and not your fault so maybe you deserve to show yourself more compassion?? Some things might not be as extreme in the way others see you as you feel they are seeing in you??
And do you think maybe you're letting the things you're not so happy with massively overshadow/hide the positive parts about you from yourself?? Do you think you could give yourself much more credit for those?? Perhaps "in the bigger picture" the reality is that those things do say a lot more about you, and who you are than you recognise??
Maybe work on listing those positive things, which can also include things you have done, don't even have to be big things you have done sometimes little things sometimes the littlest things can be the biggest things!!
Might be that either setting yourself some small goals to feel better about yourself or spending a little more time showing yourself some self kindness/treating yourself could help/help you feel better about yourself??
Might be that an experience/s or people in your life have lead to some of those problems with esteem?? If so, maybe trying to work on or through some of that and dealing with/addressing those issues could help??
But ultimately, I don't know if it's like this for you but the concept of "self love" can be so hard to believe in when you feel real bad about yourself........so I'd say that maybe a real good place to start could be in working more towards self-compassion, feeling more self-acceptance in a positive manner, feeling more self-worth, feeling more self-respect, valuing (more?) things about yourself.............

So, just a few thoughts.........not sure if I've been way off target here in relation to what's going on for you, but if you want to talk more.............



Alison

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Something I did was make goals for myself. Break those goals down into pieces and then make a tiny celebration for each new step toward the goal that gets accomplished. When the overall goal is accomplished, have a larger celebration and take a look at all the tasks you completed in order to get to that goal. Start off small and work toward larger goals.

[treevoice]

Self esteem is something I struggled with my entire life. I can't say I have an easy answer for you, but a few ideas have stuck with me over the years.

Dan Millman (author of The Way of the Peaceful Warrior) talks about how we cannot really control how we *feel* at any given moment, whether it be about ourselves or anything else. Self Esteem is always going to fluctuate, and some of the most amazing people throughout history have struggled with this issue of self esteem. A more appropriate angle to tackle would be Self Worth. Human life has worth by its nature, no matter who the person is or how they feel about themselves. Imagine yourself as a child - what is that child worth? Is that child worth more or less than any other children? When did that worth begin to decline? (answer: it didn't).

Another thing to consider is the impact the stories you tell yourself have on your mind and health. Dr. Masaru Emoto's water experiments strongly suggest that the language we use actually has a strong impact on the way particles behave. Take time to say kind words to yourself, even if you aren't *feeling* them to be true. Tell yourself that you are amazing, that you love yourself, etc. I used to write love notes to myself on my skin, somewhere I could see them, or doodle hearts and other loving imagery. Write empowering words on your mirror that you look into every day. Over time, these words begin to have a real impact over the way you feel and see yourself.

Overall, don't fight with yourself. It's okay to have bad days. Try to examine how you treat other people who have poor self-esteem, people you love and who you wish could see what you see in them - and then apply that same grace toward yourself. Try first to forgive yourself for your perceived lacks, mistakes etc - love will follow.

Good luck. <3

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by 4428247

I know self-esteem is a struggle a lot of people have, but it also seems to be something that people on here can help with? I know it's a broad problem but what are ways I can start loving myself. I can see that hating myself exacerbates my other mental health issues

Do you find that your self-perceived 'flaws' and 'shortcomings' have taken on a life of their own and taken such precedence within your state of consciousness that they have become your overriding identity (sense of self) - and that this has had the effect of overshadowing and drowning out all the aspects of you that you that you do accept and are at peace with?

I'm not trying to mince words here - but I find that individuals (at one point or another, myself included) have a difficult time connecting with the concept of 'self-love'... I find it's both more accurate and more relatable to instead replace the word 'love' with acceptance... Self-love becomes Self-Acceptance... When you fully accept yourself, there is no internal resistance going on inside you. No fragmenting of your identity (sense of self) into parts which are accepted and parts which are rejected. Make self-acceptance your goal - and when that fully comes to fruition, you will feel at peace and content! There will no longer be that pervasive sense of internal discord and turmoil that you had formerly become so accustomed to.

I will recommend two of my favorites books, books whose content really spoke to me. Now they may not speak to you, or they may in fact do so... It doesn't hurt to explore....

The Power Of Now (Eckhart Tolle)
The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)

[4428247]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Do you find that your self-perceived 'flaws' and 'shortcomings' have taken on a life of their own and taken such precedence within your state of consciousness that they have become your overriding identity (sense of self) - and that this has had the effect of overshadowing and drowning out all the aspects of you that you that you do accept and are at peace with?

I'm not trying to mince words here - but I find that individuals (at one point or another, myself included) have a difficult time connecting with the concept of 'self-love'... I find it's both more accurate and more relatable to instead replace the word 'love' with acceptance... Self-love becomes Self-Acceptance... When you fully accept yourself, there is no internal resistance going on inside you. No fragmenting of your identity (sense of self) into parts which are accepted and parts which are rejected. Make self-acceptance your goal - and when that fully comes to fruition, you will feel at peace and content! There will no longer be that pervasive sense of internal discord and turmoil that you had formerly become so accustomed to.

I will recommend two of my favorites books, books whose content really spoke to me. Now they may not speak to you, or they may in fact do so... It doesn't hurt to explore....

The Power Of Now (Eckhart Tolle)
The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)

That really is what I feel, thank you for describing that better. I will definitely check those books out

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Do you find that your self-perceived 'flaws' and 'shortcomings' have taken on a life of their own and taken such precedence within your state of consciousness that they have become your overriding identity (sense of self) - and that this has had the effect of overshadowing and drowning out all the aspects of you that you that you do accept and are at peace with?

I'm not trying to mince words here - but I find that individuals (at one point or another, myself included) have a difficult time connecting with the concept of 'self-love'... I find it's both more accurate and more relatable to instead replace the word 'love' with acceptance... Self-love becomes Self-Acceptance... When you fully accept yourself, there is no internal resistance going on inside you. No fragmenting of your identity (sense of self) into parts which are accepted and parts which are rejected. Make self-acceptance your goal - and when that fully comes to fruition, you will feel at peace and content! There will no longer be that pervasive sense of internal discord and turmoil that you had formerly become so accustomed to.

I will recommend two of my favorites books, books whose content really spoke to me. Now they may not speak to you, or they may in fact do so... It doesn't hurt to explore....

The Power Of Now (Eckhart Tolle)
The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)

As always, excellent advice.