[Sassandclass]

The smear campaign against me has isolated me from a lot of our friends. No one asks to hang out together anymore. No one really talks to us. No one includes us. My gal friends don't call anymore. Some days the hurt of this is crushing... today is one of those days. It makes me feel worthless and depressed. Any suggestions on how to feel better would be SOOO appreciated

I think it is important for you to enjoy your own company, feeling accomplished by yourself and loving yourself. What are some things you enjoy doing? What are some things you could try by yourself?

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I think it is important for you to enjoy your own company, feeling accomplished by yourself and loving yourself. What are some things you enjoy doing? What are some things you could try by yourself?

I have a lot of hobbies(many many!), but I am an extrovert. So people are important to me in my life. How can an extrovert learn to not need people?

[topherlee75]

This is one of the hardest things for me. There was no smear campaign, although my family ignores me a lot and since most of my "friends" were work related, it got the the point I had no one to hang out with.

I started working on myself, and had to evaluate each relationship on a positive/negative perspective. If there was no positive coming from the relationship (I realize no relationship is perfect and cannot be always positive) and it was consistently draining me I had to cut it.

That left me with very very few people in my life, and quite isolated.... even with a roommate living here I felt that way. I felt so abandoned and alone. Still do. Heck I just lost my job, and the way they did it was the ultimate in abandonment and rejection.

But, a lot of the negative what was hanging around was because I was so negative about myself. My OCD and my overthinking was not only driving me crazy (ok, not only DRIVES me crazy), but draws in the crazy.

I have to take time and do FOR MYSELF at time. Do something good just for me. A long shower, a ride on the motorcycle on my favorite back road a little too fast, an extra scoop of caramel drenched ice cream. And focus on just that moment. Even if it's just 5 minutes.

That is the most important thing. What you do for you.

I know, I still drive myself and my roommate crazy overthink. I heard last night "it's just pizza, stop overthinking it... cook it when you want it ill put it in the microwave when I get home you are driving me crazy talking about it"

I just wanted to make her happy. But it didn't matter. It was pizza. I was feeling insecure and unwanted and alone and just needed to shut up. She left, I took some time to myself, and took a long shower, cooked the pizza, and watched a movie.

She didn't even heat it up. "Damn, this is good cold".

We really just need ourselves. We are social animals, and do crave interaction, but why do we wait for others to invite? I finally started seeking myself. It's hard to break thru the shame of my past to get thru the worthlessness, but I do from time to time. And it's always worth it in the end.

So.

Go take a bath. Watch a movie. Sit in the shade a read a book.

Do something for you. Because it's something you like to do.

And appreciate yourself for it.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by topherlee75

This is one of the hardest things for me. There was no smear campaign, although my family ignores me a lot and since most of my "friends" were work related, it got the the point I had no one to hang out with.

I started working on myself, and had to evaluate each relationship on a positive/negative perspective. If there was no positive coming from the relationship (I realize no relationship is perfect and cannot be always positive) and it was consistently draining me I had to cut it.

That left me with very very few people in my life, and quite isolated.... even with a roommate living here I felt that way. I felt so abandoned and alone. Still do. Heck I just lost my job, and the way they did it was the ultimate in abandonment and rejection.

But, a lot of the negative what was hanging around was because I was so negative about myself. My OCD and my overthinking was not only driving me crazy (ok, not only DRIVES me crazy), but draws in the crazy.

I have to take time and do FOR MYSELF at time. Do something good just for me. A long shower, a ride on the motorcycle on my favorite back road a little too fast, an extra scoop of caramel drenched ice cream. And focus on just that moment. Even if it's just 5 minutes.

That is the most important thing. What you do for you.

I know, I still drive myself and my roommate crazy overthink. I heard last night "it's just pizza, stop overthinking it... cook it when you want it ill put it in the microwave when I get home you are driving me crazy talking about it"

I just wanted to make her happy. But it didn't matter. It was pizza. I was feeling insecure and unwanted and alone and just needed to shut up. She left, I took some time to myself, and took a long shower, cooked the pizza, and watched a movie.

She didn't even heat it up. "Damn, this is good cold".

We really just need ourselves. We are social animals, and do crave interaction, but why do we wait for others to invite? I finally started seeking myself. It's hard to break thru the shame of my past to get thru the worthlessness, but I do from time to time. And it's always worth it in the end.

So.

Go take a bath. Watch a movie. Sit in the shade a read a book.

Do something for you. Because it's something you like to do.

And appreciate yourself for it.

I think the overthinking is a problem with me too. And my ability to read others emotions. Because as soon as I feel a negative emotion from someone I automatically think it's about me. Gahhhh! It drives me crazy some days. I don't want to FEEL so much.

[topherlee75]

Something someone told me once that is critical to how I think and feel, but sadly doesn't always work because I forget it constantly due to my overthinking.

"You cannot control how others think and feel, you can only control how YOU think and feel, it was their perception of what you did or said that caused their reactions, just like your perception is causing your thoughts and feelings"

I am a very intuitive person. So much so that I doubt myself sometimes. It causes the overthinking, and if I did not overthink, I would probably live a much much simpler life.

But I see something, or say something... like the pizza incident. When I asked "if you'll let me know when you are headed home I'll throw it in". Honestly, I was just being nice, and she didn't care. But I took it as "why are you barraging me with this question" and saw it negatively and really... she honestly didn't care when I cooked the damned pizza. I started trying to explain myself and it turned into a big mess. See. I'm still overthinking the pizza thing lol.

I just want people to see I am a good person. No. I want acknowledgement I'm a good person. When I know I am, and should treat myself good. And good will come.

It always does when I'm treating myself worthy.

Try it.

[TishaBuv]

I hope your friends will see the truth. Maybe give it some time then reach out to them. Just keep reminding yourself you are good and worthy. Don't let mean B's bring you down.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by topherlee75

Something someone told me once that is critical to how I think and feel, but sadly doesn't always work because I forget it constantly due to my overthinking.

"You cannot control how others think and feel, you can only control how YOU think and feel, it was their perception of what you did or said that caused their reactions, just like your perception is causing your thoughts and feelings"

I am a very intuitive person. So much so that I doubt myself sometimes. It causes the overthinking, and if I did not overthink, I would probably live a much much simpler life.

But I see something, or say something... like the pizza incident. When I asked "if you'll let me know when you are headed home I'll throw it in". Honestly, I was just being nice, and she didn't care. But I took it as "why are you barraging me with this question" and saw it negatively and really... she honestly didn't care when I cooked the damned pizza. I started trying to explain myself and it turned into a big mess. See. I'm still overthinking the pizza thing lol.

I just want people to see I am a good person. No. I want acknowledgement I'm a good person. When I know I am, and should treat myself good. And good will come.

It always does when I'm treating myself worthy.

Try it.

Yesssss! This is all so relatable. Overthinking is always an issue with me.
And... wow... you gave me an "a ha" moment :

I seem to need acknowledgment from others that I'm a "good" person. Like I need their permission to be worthy. When, really... what makes it right for other people to be the judge of me?
I should only need that acknowledgement from myself.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I hope your friends will see the truth. Maybe give it some time then reach out to them. Just keep reminding yourself you are good and worthy. Don't let mean B's bring you down.

Thank you for this
Girl B's are the worst to deal with! That movie "Mean Girls" was not far off from reality...

[topherlee75]

Originally Posted by Sassandclass

Yesssss! This is all so relatable. Overthinking is always an issue with me.
And... wow... you gave me an "a ha" moment :

I seem to need acknowledgment from others that I'm a "good" person. Like I need their permission to be worthy. When, really... what makes it right for other people to be the judge of me?
I should only need that acknowledgement from myself.

But even I know this, and struggle every day. And even forget this fact.

It's a LOT easier to teach than walk.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by topherlee75

But even I know this, and struggle every day. And even forget this fact.

It's a LOT easier to teach than walk.

Thanks for your honesty.
This is just armchair phycology ofcorse, but I think some of this stems from my upbringing. I was raised in a very strict household with all older siblings. So if I was "good" or "bad" was largely determined by people other than me. I was raised looking to others to know if I was doing good or not. Their disapproval meant I was bad. Their approval meant I was good. ....

[topherlee75]

I still seek approval and I'm 42.

[topherlee75]

2 quotes I found today...

Self worth comes from one thing - thinking that YOU are worthy ( Unknown )

I am my own experiment, I am my own work of art. ( Madonna )

You are uniquely you. Be you, be proud and smile that you are a wonderful beautiful soul.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by topherlee75

2 quotes I found today...

Self worth comes from one thing - thinking that YOU are worthy ( Unknown )

I am my own experiment, I am my own work of art. ( Madonna )

You are uniquely you. Be you, be proud and smile that you are a wonderful beautiful soul.

Thank you for this I feel
like I did have self esteem before...until the narcissist in my life striped me of it. Leaving my heart bare, and my self worth in tatters