Originally Posted by Carmina

The self affirmation stuff - it just isn't me

You don't have to.

[Carmina]

I know - but I do wish I could be more compassionate towards myself but it just jars with how I feel, it's hard to even hear when other people give me positive feedback, actually painful.

Hi Carmina, I can relate to that. It may be how you were raised, and of course culture (I am British too - we tend to down play). Growing up the worst we could do was 'boast' or be 'bigheaded' and while those are not nice things to do we can give ourselves compassion.

Take my work scenario, a customer was frustrated, she tore a strip off me and my attempts to rectify the situation did not work, so I fell silent and let her finish (that is actually what we are told to do).

I have underlying self esteem issues, it was almost automatic of me to self blame but I stood back and rationalised the situation. I had actually handled it quite well, and Starry is quite right she had a screaming toddler which is where her anger was likely coming from she couldn't shout at him but she could at me.

It's kind of reframing, and although that aggression directed at me made me feel sick to my stomach I am not self blaming but seeing the whole situation as it was and being compassionate to myself.

We can change the way we think and for me it is a process, I slip up sometimes, but the upward trend is positive and posting here helps solidify that.

Kristen Neff has some helpful videos if you care to Google them.

Well said Prefab. (((((Carmina))))) Being compassionate towards yourself is a process. It takes time, and practice. Everyone can do it though. Even if just something small. You may not believe yourself, many times at first. You're worth it though.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing there is something I'm not being compassionate with myself about. Self compassion, can be hard. Especially when one's default is to be self-critical. And to believe that criticism. I will keep trying. Some things are harder than others.

Prefab, thanks for bringing up the Kristin Neff videos for Carmina. She also has a website with guided meditations, self compassion exercises, and tips on how to be more self compassionate. http://self-compassion.org/category/...ses/#exercises

[twistypringle98]

Remember that girl that had affirmations?

. I love what she did to herself as a young'un. I wonder if she had more and more "fits" like that. She just loved everything around her, and I believe that she has had a perfect life ever since she screamed those things.

It's weird that I say this in self compassion thread, but this girl had personal affirmations. I believe that she had that much good energy around her that she made her life perfect with affirmations, who cares? If I could have written her life, I would have said that she beat me to the punch.

Hey TwistyPringle. I remember seeing that video before. That girl is so cute and a trip!

I'm reading Wired To Connect right now. I read a lot of it while snowed in yesterday. I really like it and think its very well written. Its a book about connecting more, and in better / more helpful ways, and also has quizzes so you can learn about yourself. I'm only halfway through. But so far, I like it a lot and think other people here would, too. My only gripe, is that the cover has pink on it, and looks designed to be for more women than men. This is stuff that is really good for men to know too, and the info inside is geared, it seems to me, to both women AND men.

[PianogirlPlays]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I stuck to everything I said I was going to do today. It felt good to be around people.

I really tried to day to keep up with chores, distract with good activities and get out...

Originally Posted by PianogirlPlays

I really tried to day to keep up with chores, distract with good activities and get out...

Awesome

I think saying "no" is a beautiful thing. Empowering as all hell.

[twistypringle98]

I'm having some trouble with setting goals for myself. I want to do things this year that I know will help me out but find that I lack the courage to do them. I already told myself that I would do two things each month over the course of the year but things just haven't come my way. (Finding a job and doing the job correctly all the time were my two goals for January).

Whenever I go to job sites or just explore town for some spots to apply at, I get eager for responses that never come. I lost my job after I was the best one doing it! I know that I got fired for my diagnosis coming through my facade of what I wanted to act like all the time - and a bit of whispering .

I'm thinking about switching up my project for something that is something like move from one activity that I'd like to participate in to the next while in some way doing them all. I realized the other day that I really only had things on my list things about activities.


I post this in this thread because I've been harsh on myself and my sister in the past. I used to blame my sister for my disorder suddenly showing up in the short amount of time that I lived with her but now I realize that I was just too much of a chicken to say no and stand up for myself when she would have said we were bonding or something like, "You need to get with the times, Rebecca! You're not a Baby Boomer!" (She is so hateful sometimes it's ridiculous). We drank together and smoked cigarettes and pot which was the first time that I had tried any of those things. I still smoke a vape with nicotine in it though. I still sort of blame her influence on why I fell so hard into schizoaffective disorder from what my doctor told me.



Anyway this whole year to me is about saying yes and no to things using common sense like in that movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey in it.

Hey TwistyPringle. It sounds like you are struggling with some things right now.

Are you in therapy or getting any other kind of support? For me, having people (even just within a mental health organization) helping me, has meant the world and got me on my feet.

Be kind to yourself.

Today, I got a massage. I was so excited for it. And it was nice. So I don't know why I feel disappointed. I think I am starving for emotional intimacy. Today I really felt like.....I didn't measure up. I don't know why. I'm being kind to myself now though. I got some food and a piece of cake from a nearby cafe, and I got a book from the library. I don't know WHAT my deal is. I am really hungry for something, emotionally. Sometimes its like I can't get enough. But I am going to sit down now and journal. Then, maybe I will go snowshoeing.

Hey Twisty that is really rough getting fired from a job you were good at, these things can knock our confidence. Sounds like you are doing all you can to get a job, you can't influence employers not responding - and January is a tough time for seeking work, definitely a case for some self-compassion!

Starry, I admire how you are listening to your emotions and working out strategies such a journaling to help - and snowshoeing sounds interesting!

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Hey Twisty that is really rough getting fired from a job you were good at, these things can knock our confidence. Sounds like you are doing all you can to get a job, you can't influence employers not responding - and January is a tough time for seeking work, definitely a case for some self-compassion!

Starry, I admire how you are listening to your emotions and working out strategies such a journaling to help - and snowshoeing sounds interesting!

Thanks Prefabulous (really, just Fabulous). Its good to see you here.

[88Butterfly88]

Hi,

I'm going to join this thread. I'll start by answering one of the questions. How were you kind to yourself today? I gave myself a break when I needed one and told myself I am a good person.

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

Hi,

I'm going to join this thread. I'll start by answering one of the questions. How were you kind to yourself today? I gave myself a break when I needed one and told myself I am a good person.

Glad to have you here Butterfly!!

[88Butterfly88]

Originally Posted by starrysky

Glad to have you here Butterfly!!

Thank you, it's good to be here.

Drinking red raspberry tea. Hanging out in my PJs after a long walk. Its nice and quiet here this afternoon.

Thought: I think pressure, like pressuring yourself (to hurry up, to change, to figure things out when you don't know the answer yet, etc) can be a form of self criticism. It is for me. Currently, I have been stressing over my future and trying to figure out and decide what career I want. I think that problem solving and gentle nudging forward is one thing. That is self compassion. But pressuring myself to hurry up, is not.

This article has been helpful to me before, and still is. I may have even posted it in the past. It's about how to make empowering decisions: HuffPost Article