[Eleny]

I know there’s no quick fire way, but I just wondered if anyone knew of any tips to stop caring what others think of you? Other people’s opinion of me really affects me and I really wish it didn’t

[Quarter life]

Hi Eleny.

Mental illness bought on by an accident of birth, trauma, environment, faulty brain chemistry or associated illness/circumstances… is for all of us a heavy cross to bear, and is almost always exacerbated by those around us who perpetually tell us that we just aren't good enough, that we are damaged, that we have no value as citizens of the world.....a heartbreaking waste of life.

So how do we find our place in the world? A place where our endeavors are valued? A place where we can strive, accomplish and be all the better for it? Self doubt, fear of ridicule, and indeed failure all come into play causing us to procrastinate and bemoan the inertia of our lives. I spent many many years in therapy and medicated...it wasn’t until I started implementing changes by modifying my thinking and behavior that I began to move forward...It was like the gears on my life had been out of whack, the only way forward it seemed was to realign them.

Several years ago...I took a long hard look at my list of personal beliefs and my reactions to the world, including my constant worrying of what others thought of me. Some of my ideas were keeping me safe, but most were toxic, outdated or downright ridiculous. I have now come to appreciate that 99% of people care little about what I think or what I do...they care more about their own lives. I now understand that I can’t wait around for others to tolerate, validate, laud or honour me...I must do that for myself. The worst choice we can make is waiting for others to choose for us, or waiting for permission to choose, as we may spend our lives choosing nothing at all.

Should I have chosen sooner?... of course I should have, but what is more important is that I have chosen NOW…and am so excited to see what the world has in store for me. I hope that you also realise that you are capable of amazing things and that there are many adventures waiting for you.

I used to be very self conscious and shy. I'm now out going and really don't care what people think of me. Here are my tips:

-join something you enjoy that makes you feel good (I did kickboxing and pole dancing)
-whenever you start to wonder what someone is thinking about you, redirect your attention to what you are doing.
-go to therapy to build yourself up.
-hang around with people who build you up.
-remember it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you. When life is over, what will be important?

Its completely doable and freeing.

[wessellemmer]

I was like that. Sleepless nights replaying coversations ive had with people thinking what i should have said. Its debilitating because i would spend hours rehearsing conversations and interactions trying to keep good appearances, id make bad financial decisions based on what others would think. The list really goes on.

I dont know you so ill just say what it was in my case.
I thought too little of myself and too much of others. I thought this manner of thinking made me a good person. To some extent i still do.

I realised that people suck. Even the ones you hold in high regard are flawed in some way. People are too concerned with themselves to care about you. People are only selfless when others are watching. There are more crappy people out there than fish in the sea and If they like you because you conform to their will its not someone you should want to be associated with. i realised i should be more selfish.

Started spending my time doing things i like instead of rehearsals. allowed myself to be myself.
I started taking pride when i get stared down by someone because it means i dont conform to him or her. I see who they are and what i dont like about them instead of thinking who i should be to please them.

I should say that ive become very apathetic and would recommend not caring at all but find a nice ballance in between.

[Rose76]

Often other people's opinions make us feel inferior because we are under the illusion that, unlike us, they have their lives so together. As you go through life, you discover more and more how those who criticize you have a ton of stuff messed up in their own lives. Very few people have their lives all that together. Those who do are too busy enjoying their happiness to go around dumping on others. People who are quickest to criticize others often are, themselves, pretty badly screwed up.

So, when you feel bad about someone's negative assessment of you, remind yourself that this person has a bunch of problems you know nothing about. If you did, you probably wouldn't feel one bit inferior.

[winter loneliness]

Build up your self esteem as much as you can.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...nd-self-esteem

[QueenOfStars]

This is a most very common thing, believe it or not. Almost everything we do, we do it to impress others. Like when we dress up, we want to look good in others eyes. When we cook, we want to impress others or collect their compliments.
But this gets harmful when we start to ignore our needs and our approval to make sure that they are pleased. I used to be that person but when I started to feel depressed I knew that I needed to change some things in my life.
Just get rid of those negative commenters who make you feel that you have to earn their approval and start hanging around with your loved ones. You will feel much lighter and burden-free. Always remember that those who make you feel any less than who you are does not deserve to be in your life.

[Open Eyes]

Unfortunately, human beings seem to invest a great deal in the "being good enough" mentality. We often learn it in our own homes, then we go to school and are literally taught that if we don't make the grade or don't do something a certain way, we are simply "not good enough". Truth is we judge EVERYTHING that way so it's not surprising that so many struggle with some kind of mental illness at some point in their lives.

It isn't "good enough" that you work and buy yourself a car unless you can buy yourself THE car that says, "you are good enough". It isn't good enough that you work and make enough to buy a home unless you can buy the kind of home that is THE kind of home that says, "you are good enough". It isn't good enough that you find a nice outfit that you look really good in unless it's THE designer outfit that states "you are good enough".

If you raise a child that has a learning disability, you find out really fast how quickly that child can suddenly be judged as "not good enough". I went to a Catholic private all girls school and because I was not catholic "I was not good enough". Truth is, if one doesn't believe and go along with XYZ, they tend to be immediately considered "not good enough".

Well, unfortunately, human beings live and breath by "am I good enough". This is VERY marketable too. If you sit and think about it, when it comes to human beings EVERYTHING is "rated" and "criticized".

So, in all this "good enough" dysfunction, what you have to ask yourself is "what is good enough for YOU". Raising a child who struggles with a learning disability, the one thing I wanted her to learn is to appreciate what she "could" achieve. Society dishes out a lot of "good enough" sentiment and it's so easy to fall into the trap of somehow believing you are just not "good enough".

[avlady]

My family is where this thinking starts for me. We were all taught to be people pleasers. well i just decided i would not do it anymore and was practically ostrosized from the family, i put up with daily critism etc and i think this fact played a role in my schitzophrenia, as it also runs in the family too. No wonder, I think I'll go do something nice for someone now a that is what I do when this subject comes up, i completely turn it around from something bad to something good.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Eleny

I know there’s no quick fire way, but I just wondered if anyone knew of any tips to stop caring what others think of you? Other people’s opinion of me really affects me and I really wish it didn’t

I feel like this all the time.

[LadyShadow]

I used to put A LOT of weight on what people thought of me, and it heavily damaged my self-esteem. The key to letting go of what people think is by what others have already said, enjoying things that make YOU happy, and do things for yourself where it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, because you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for YOU.

A big part of that is also letting go of comparing yourself to others too, that has been my biggest obstacle on the road to self-discovery.

Empower yourself by learning to like and respect yourself, in your thoughts and your actions. Learn what makes you tick and what makes you happy. Like everyone else, you have a deep core value that no one and nothing can take away.

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I used to be very self conscious and shy. I'm now out going and really don't care what people think of me. Here are my tips:

-join something you enjoy that makes you feel good (I did kickboxing and pole dancing)
-whenever you start to wonder what someone is thinking about you, redirect your attention to what you are doing.
-go to therapy to build yourself up.
-hang around with people who build you up.
-remember it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you. When life is over, what will be important?

Its completely doable and freeing.

I love this, SadGirl. Great advice.