I was talking to my new therapist about my incredibly low self--worth. I am constantly striving to be worthy. When things go badly I feel it has been because I am unworthy. When things are good in my life I feel unworthy and expect it to come crashing down. Of course, we talked at great length about that. When she asked me what I consider worthy in a person we discovered what I really am considering worthy is actually a sense of value tied to accomplishment. This was all quite novel to me. An epiphany of sorts. I need to completely rethink my sense of worth.

Have you fallen into the same trap?

Thinking about it, what makes you worthwhile?

I am worthwhile because of my generosity.
I am worthwhile because I believe in equality......

[eskielover]

Never struggled with those concepts. Maybe because I worked hard as a kid to get the good grades I did I felt I earned every accomplishment I had.....that was my thinking as a child that had nothing to do with worthy just accomplishment.

Later in life now after so many bad things happened when I coukdn't make things go good I looked at the situation not me as being the isdue & it was way beyond my control & alwats qas turning out bad UNTIL I took back what felt was my control as soon as it was possible & left the situation. My look at life has always been logical not emotional but then I learned about mindfulness a few years ago & have been kearning to use both to make my decusions thoygh ligic always seems to win.

BUT there have been many things that have turned out amazing in my lufe that I have had no part in making happen except for making the issue known just in talking. I looked at the good results with thankfulness & in the past several years, look at it as God's provisions....being worthy or not has nothing to do with it....but thankfulness is huge.

Value does seem to be related to the things I do for others & the animals I have cared for but it is also experiencing that people value me & include me ibto activities. All my life I lived in environments that were left out because of the people in that environment though I didn't realize ut until I got out of those environmemts & got accepted for who I am. That was sure a huge thing to realize.

[KYWoman]

Justafriend, I understand your perception. My self worth appreciated in value when I was a successful professional for decades. I have experienced what you described in your post. Some people are fortunate enough to survive and maintain. Some of us reach a point where survival isn't enough.

When I lost the ability to support myself due to mental illness, my self worth came crashing down. I'm not sure I'll be able to heal from this broken space. I do try to focus on one moment at a time for now. Thank you for sharing. I am grateful for your courage.

[KYWoman]

I am worthwhile because of my compassion and perseverance!

Originally Posted by KYWoman

..........When I lost the ability to support myself due to mental illness, my self worth came crashing down. I'm not sure I'll be able to heal from this broken space. I do try to focus on one moment at a time for now. Thank you for sharing. I am grateful for your courage.

Boy does this ever ring true.

I've been thinking more about this. I hold different measurement to the worth of others than those I have been requiring of myself. I look at someone else and immediately see them as having worth - regardless of the tangible accomplishments they have achieved. Why can I then not hold the same standards to myself? I sit here trying to come up with reasons I am worthwhile and and a desperation to list off the things I have accomplished keep coming to mind. But by far ouweighing these things are those I have not yet done or failed to chieve entirely (I never received valentines, therefor I am unworthy. I can't provide for myself, therefore I am unworthy. I am an imperfect cook and artist therefore I am unworthy). My worth has nothing to do with the value of my accomplishments I keep reminding myself.

[eskielover]

Why can I then not hold the same standards to myself?

self-expectations are usually much higher. I only had expectations of people close to me everyone else I had no expectations of so therefore could look at them & see them better for who they were.

Originally Posted by eskielover

self-expectations are usually much higher. I only had expectations of people close to me everyone else I had no expectations of so therefore could look at them & see them better for who they were.

yes, this is just the case.

My homework for therapy incidentally is to journal reasons I am worthy. This shouldn't be so hard to do dang it.

[Gina_B]

I understand. I often get tripped up in thinking I have to perform in order to get approval. But I try and remember that...when a baby is born that baby is loved simply for existing; it hasn't done anything to deserve love other than just exist. In fact it is incredibly demanding. I think that is the way God loves us and we should work to think of ourselves and others as worthy. We can't judge based on performance because people are gifted while others are not and it is through no fault or accomplishment of their own. Yes, sometimes people work to do more or be more and we can applaud them, but I don't think they are any more worthy as a human being of receiving anything special. Yet we don't live in a culture like that because of how we treat celebrities who are often just physically attractive (just born with better genes!). It's hard to remember these things but I think those who are parents understand that kind of love and acceptance better than others.

[eskielover]

Thank you Gina B

That is so very TRUE.

Welcome to PC also. I see this us your first post here. Looking forward to your participation here on PC & getting to know you better through your posts

[Edwin3]

Excellent topic! I think our sense of worth is often shaped by how others treated us growing up. My Mom in particular was a hard driver, she was reluctant to give praise and held the bar very high. One day when I was working as a teacher, it occurred to me that I give my students encouragement and praise, but I give myself criticism and blame. Yet, I would have always said that I believe each person has value and that everyone is worthy of love and encouragement. It was a real eye opener! I still find myself basing my worth on what I have accomplished, but being aware of the problem has really helped me to shift to a much healthier perspective. We are valuable! We do make a unique contribution to the world as individuals! God has an intense love for each of us! What a wonderful realization to come to!

[Gina_B]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Thank you Gina B

That is so very TRUE.

Welcome to PC also. I see this us your first post here. Looking forward to your participation here on PC & getting to know you better through your posts

Thanks eskielover!

[socalpoppy]

I think that my self-worth started with being truly loved as a child. But from there it grew to God loves me. I am worthwhile because God chose to create me. I am worthwhile because God chose to save me so I could be with him forever. I am worthwhile because I can love others.