Feel angry,jealous and defeated ...

Hi!

I'm a newbie here.
I recently got married and moved to Hong Kong. I stayed in USA for couple years and the moved to Hong Kong.
I feel sick with Hong Kong. Hong Kong is very materialistic place. I feel i don't belong here. Women in Hong Kong is really look oriented. They have to dress up all the time and make up all the time. They constantly feel scared of getting fat. I know lots of women scared of getting fat but Hong Kong women is even more. I feel cultured shocked here. I have nobody to talk to here. I think if i don't keep up with those women I don't feel good and i feel defeated especially with my sister in law. I don't really like my family in law. I admit that i feel jealous to her. She always can spend as much as she want for clothing and makeup so she can always dress up good. I have to save money since me and my husband just bought an apartment. I know that apartment is more precious than clothing and etc. But I still feel bad about that. My sister in law always look so proud of herself. She always need couple hours to dress up before she goes out. The other thing i hate about her is she always think she's right. She's very bossy also. She likes to control everybody and gives order to everybody . She always insists her way to my husband. She and my husband work together in family business. Even she made a mistake, she never admit she's wrong. If things doesn't go the way she wants she feel angry and depressed. My husband feels bad to work with her. My brother in law doesn't enjoy having vacation with her. My mother in law always spoil my sister in law. She only wants to go to places that she want if not she got angry. She's such a control freak. I know she's not that good person but i feel like jealous, angry and lately i feel down. I'm jealous that she can do whatever she wants. I'm angry that nobody can do anything about her. I feel down because i feel so isolated here and I don't feel as confident as before. I feel i need to make sense why she 's such a control freak, arrogant and selfish. Plus i feel my relationship with my new husband is not going so well as i thought. When we lived in USA , we were so happy and then now he seems different maybe because his family was in USA.
My sister in law always try to show her love to her fiance in front of everybody. She talks so loud with her fiance and kissing, hugging, joking etc etc in front everybody it's like they want to show the world they are happy . I know i have to stop comparing with her. Can anybody help me ?
Thanks for reading post.

Wow..i know how it feels to geel..inferior? compairng yourslef to some1 outside there.........

It matters to you right now how she is......I had the same siturations wehn moving to Tel Aviv and being a student and feeling not successful compairng to ther students........

I think that sometimes looking onjectivly at things can help.

What does your sister in low has that you don`t?
Do you HVAE to stay in hong kong or you can go back to the US where you were happy?

Are you sure that it`s ture? 100% trure? EVERYTHING you say about your sister in low?

From what you write i see that you just don`t like the place? And why betrayed?

It`s hard to stop comparing...the point is to remember who you are and what you are........it happenes when you stay open..whne you have something meaningful to say or to think to be,.to feel it in your exiastence...then you are experiencing that thing...osme mroe freedoim and TRUTH rather than superficial stuff that siciety makes up.........like thos make up and clothes....

I personally look at it differently. I don`t have a feeling that some1 who throws money on clohting and makeup and dresses 2 hous is better than some1 who learned to live a more "simple" or should i say modest life and leared to save money and to overcome your supecficia wants.

Why do you feel worse when you compare?
If i compare from your descripiton you win and she looses.......
Now of course it dependes here on how much objective you are, because i rememebr myself too it`s impossible to be objective.......but let`s sya it`s tirue-

Thank she is a spoilt control freak and you are a normal woman.
What do you want? you are BETTER that her~

Don`t consider superficialy htings like make up and cloth ....

I htink relying on your vlues may help. You probably have something you believe in don`t you?

It's crazy how the Asian countries are becoming much like America in the consumerism aspect. They are just as vain as American women I assume. Maybe they fear they'll become fat like us too if their not careful.

It's difficult when everybody around you is doing something and you feel your not up to par. Personally I'd take the role as the careless chubby American girl who has wild hair and blue jeans. You don't have to keep up with them...they are much different. Maybe they envy your freedom from obsessed vanity and you're not even aware of it.

Thanks guys for the support.
I really appreciate that.
It's really great to hear that from you guys.
Lots of people told me that I'm different from a lot of girls so i guess that make it harder for me to adjust to new situation.
I guess i'm just really angry because my sister in law represent place where i live in right now.
I know that not everybody is like that in here but lots of people are like her.
Lots of people are materialistic, arrogant, selfish and etc etc.
But then again, people that are different is quite rare. I know that I'm not the only one. Sometimes being different is quite tiring.
Everybody keep saying the same thing to me here.
Hey, you're fatter now or ...
Don't eat that . That make you fat.
Don't drink coffee. Coffee make you fat.

Anyway, thank you again guys.

Wow you have lived in America and now live in Hong Kong ! No wonder your sister in law is behaving the way she is lol its HER who is envious of you not the other way around ! She is trying to make you feel inferior (spelling) as a counter attack as you make HER feel inferior, pity her take time to feel sorry for her and then go on your way doing what you do best, being just you .

Dear woofwoof,

There's a great book I read recently: 'Affluenza' by Oliver James. A really excellent read on lots of topics related to comparing ourselves to others, chasing dreams which are not our own but ones dictated by consumer society, and tips on feeling ok about yourself just as you are. It's a wide-ranging book with chapters on people in different countries and how they differ in these respects (Asian countries are in there too). It might give you a wider perspective on some of the issues you are talking about.

I also think it's worth mentioning that moving to another country, with your own culture, family, and friends really far away, is bound to be extremely stressful. It sounds a little as if your sister-in-law, besides being a somewhat annoying individual, has become the focus of lots of issues around simply being somewhere strange and having to get used to a lot of new things.

I'd say take it easy on yourself (I know, this is easy to say and what the heck does it mean anyway!), try to find your own place and own friends in your new country, try to get involved in something you enjoy, and above all, give yourself TIME to adjust! Don't underestimate what a shock to the system a move like that is.

I wish you patience and ease of mind! It's a long journey sometimes, but one worth making because you'll be a happier and stronger person at the end of it.

All the best,
Stingy