Everyones looking at me, self image.

I used to be a body builder, I had close to the perfect toned body. People used to stare at me because I was very muscular, now I feel they stare at me because I'm to heavy. I never lost any muscle but just gained fat on top of it so I feel I look huge. I've had three kids and my body is far from perfect. I can't bring myself to wear anything less then huge baggy clothing, I'll wear a huge sweatshirt even though I'm sweating to death. I can't stand getting my picture taken, My Mom says I'm being vein, how could that be when I can't stand myself. My sisters and even my ex-husband tell me I don't have to wear those kind of cloths, that I'm not that big. I've tried wearing less but I'm so uncomfortable I'm miserable and wind up getting changed. I feel like everyone looking at me and not for good reasons ("she shouldn't be wearing that"). To make matters worse my husband wants nothing to do with me, we haven't slept in the same bed for two years. I feel it's because he finds me disgusting. I've tried to get back to the gym but with an 11 year old in sports and very active 4 and 3 year olds it's hard to get into any kind of routine. How do I get over not having the body I used to? How do I except this new body?

Three kids is going to take a toll on anyone's body, no matter how good of shape they were in previously!

Can you find a gym or a trainer or something and maybe get your measurements, body fat, etc, so you have some objective data as to whether you're really "huge" or not? I'm famous for my skewed perception of myself and it really helps to have people point out things I don't/won't see or give myself credit for.

Once you know for sure you have something you need to work on, then you can go about addressing it.

Maybe think about finding a therapist too, who specializes in this kind of stuff and can help you learn new ways of looking at yourself.

I used to be a personal trainer. I know exactly what and where all my flaws are and I harp on them. Even when I was in competing shape I had problems dealing with some areas of my body. I know what I have to do, it's getting the time to do it (three kids consume my life). Sometimes I feel like I'm using that as an excuse and I really don't want it enough. I do sit ups and stuff like that but it's not the same as what a gym can do. I envy the people who can where nicer clothing and not feel self conscious about it. Sometimes I envy the people with an eating disorder, I even tried making my self throw up but I hat throwing up so it didn't last long. I know I have a problem, I'm a mess in almost all aspects of my life (my marraige is a mess, my finances are a mess) except for mother hood. I am completely focused and devoted to my children. I can't afford a therapist if I could I would work on my marraige first. I know a web site can't fix my problems but I'm hoping talking about it will get me out of this hump I'm in.

Look in your Yellow Pages under mental health or counseling. Most communities have free or low-cost mental health facilities, and therapists who will work with clients on a sliding scale. Catholic Charities, Lutheran Social Services and the like are good places for that too. If you have a major university nearby, often the psychology dept. will run a community clinic.

In other words, you'll need to do a little work to find something, but it can be done.