my self esteem takes blow after blow

i walk around like i own the world. Im strong willed, intimdating to those who dont know me....and yet if u saw a picture of my insides...my heart is a frail leaf, holding onto a branch by one small and withering string. Everything i do seems to be wrong to someone...And i care sooo much what people think. i dont know why, but i do....i literally base my emotions and my life around the things people say to me and they way they percieve me. I get , "ur mean" alot...because of my insulting personality, but i swear i never tryy to be mean...and it kills me when people say that because thats not my intentions...sometimes i wish i could switch places with my friend Joanie who has everything going for her...shes pretty, shes very personable...she has all the friends in the world...and then theres me...who has one friend...isnt considered pretty by anyones standards...makes fun of others to make myself feel better....im hopeless....

((((((((((((SarahxxKristine))))))))))))))))

No, you aren't hopeless. I understand what it's like to so want the approval of others around you that you change yourself to suit them. I understand how hard and painful it is to be copdependent on others because you just want someone to like you for who you are.

Have you talked to anyone (professionally) about this?

Dear Sarah,

You are not hopeless! You’re an admirable young woman, who fails to appreciate herself. You look towards others for validation. However, you don’t give them a chance to validate you. You keep them at bay, with your false, harsh exterior. You reject others, before they have the chance to reject you, or love you.

No doubt, there were events in your childhood, responsible for your current emotional state. Those events, were beyond your control; you were a child. Now you are a young woman, who has considerable control of her life.

Your childhood is behind you, and your college career is about to start. It is the perfect scenario, to start a new life; you couldn’t ask for more. You may put the past behind you, and create a new life for yourself. It doesn’t have to be as before! You may choose, to allow others to love you. You need not chase them away. Yes, you may be hurt. It is the risk, one must take to be loved!

I wish you the best,

Larry

Hi Sarah, are you wounded and trying to protect yourself?

Sometimes people may sense that you care deeply and can make you feel as though you are being mean when all you are doing is taking care of yourself. I can't tell from your post if you are really being mean to people to protect yourself and wish you were nicer but have anger to deal with, or are you "looking up to people" that are misguiding you because they sense you can be pushed around a bit and are wanting approval so bad. Or they might be quick to judge, or maybe even you are just a little snappy, but take it to heart too much when people don't agree with your tactics. Sometimes their is no right and wrong and you can't please everyone, all the time. I have learned to make up my own mind as to whether I've been mean or not. I have taken on both roles in my life at times. I've lashed out and regretted it and I've also been mislead when I probably could have afforded to stand up for myself more. What do you think?

Please don't be so hard on yourself, and let the natural healthier you come through.

Hey,

There are so many people who actually feel very insecure of themselves and have problems. You might not realize it but that is your way of coping with your stress and views of your self.

I am sure all of us here would like you to do something to feel better. When you are ready to go to bed tonight, look into your mirror and look at all the things that you like about your self and what makes you a great person. Go to bed thinking of these thoughts and try posting them on here so that you can experience showing someone how nice and human you can actually be. I think you could end up feeling alot better.

Tell me how it goes and keep me posted. Remember that on here we all care and will not judge you at all. I hope everything works well.

Roman

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sarahxxkristine said:
Im strong willed, intimdating to those who dont know me....and yet if u saw a picture of my insides...my heart is a frail leaf, holding onto a branch by one small and withering string. Everything i do seems to be wrong to someone...And i care sooo much what people think. i dont know why, but i do....

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this one can relate to that, definitely. it barely can take a friggin breath without someone having a problem with it. mostly humans want to be able to mistreat you and get away with it, they want your silence in return, and when you won't give it, they make you feel like you bes the problem. but reality does not work that way and all the invisible powers see their treachery and they bes marked.