[sobs1410]

I've been reading quite a bit about anger management from the psychological self help book as well as other sources and I feel I've managed to get a grip on my anger issues. If anyone annoys me I try to change the way that I'm looking at the situation for instance "this person doesn't know any better..." and I just try to state my case in an assertive manner.

However, I've met quite a few people who seem to believe that it's better to be 'natural' and 'show your true feelings' and 'let it all out' as it's more 'real'! So I've been wondering if, by trying to keep my cool and stay calm, am I being 'fake'?!? Is it unhealthy if I don't 'show' my anger at all?

Is there such a thing as too much self control??

Would appreciate any input on this

[Phyliss49]

I'm of the mind that stating your case in an assertive manner is the best way to go. When you confront someone with anger, it only puts them in a defensive mode and they don't really hear what you are saying.
I also believe that venting anger is goodfor you...like punching a pillow or whatever other inanimate object there is.
I think its always a good thing to be in control of yourself when responding to someone else's bad behavior.

[Sannah]

Sobs, do you have unresolved anger from the past? Do you need to learn some other skills that would allow you to avoid these situations that make you angry like having healthy personal boundaries, standing up for yourself, and meeting your needs? If something else needs to be fixed, anger management is just treating symptoms and maybe you need a cure here?

[sobs1410]

Phyllis, I agree that confrontation only results in a defensive attitude on the part of the person you're fuming at... with not a very heightened ability to empathize with your point of view!

Sannah, I had a lot of issues, and I've been working on resolving them alongside trying to manage my anger.

However, that's not what I'm contemplating right now. Let me try and rephrase my concern. See, I've been wondering about these 2 words "Be Yourself". Most of my friends believe that it means you can say whatever you want whenever and however you want to. Which also means blurting out hurtful things to near and dear ones.

So I'd like to know how many people think that it's okay to be yourself and express whatever you're feeling? Are people who manage their anger not 'themselves' or 'real'?

I hope it makes sense now

[Sannah]

I think that you can express anger with manners and respect for others........

[Phyliss49]

I don't believe that blurting out hurtful things is being your real self. I feel its not only inconsiderate, but a lazy way of expressing anger. And the person on the receiving end of these comments will know little of the other's true self.
I believe that those who manaage their angerand express it calmly, assertively, respectfully, without blame are actually those who are showing their real selves.

[Balrog]

My problem with anger is that there are so many things outwith your control that can really screw up your day and mess up your life...
Rude people,Bosses that need a reality check the list is endless and sometimes I get so frustrated I lose it then get guilty and upset..
Some days I could just put my head in a drawer and scream

[Rapunzel]

Anger management, and assertiveness, aren't about letting it all hang out and running over people with your point of view, or about holding it all in and keeping it contained. The idea is to recognize your feelings and communicate what you need, feel, or want, in a way that is effective and respectful, acknowledging that the other person has needs, feelings, and wants too, and both sides have merit. You can be out of balance towards passivity or towards aggression, or mixed (passive-aggressive). Either way, that creates problems. Assertive is the secure middle ground. There's probably no such thing as too much balance. If you are out of balance, you have more to work on.

[reach]

I personally think life is whole question of BALANCE. Anger is my problem too. I am slowly getting better. And yes, I do feel it's good to be natural and to let it out. The real bad part is when I let it out too much, it's easy to go way out of control. At that point it seems almost impossible to pull it back in. Think we just have to keep practicing, keep being fully aware.

Originally Posted by sobs1410

I've been reading quite a bit about anger management from the psychological self help book as well as other sources and I feel I've managed to get a grip on my anger issues. If anyone annoys me I try to change the way that I'm looking at the situation for instance "this person doesn't know any better..." and I just try to state my case in an assertive manner.

However, I've met quite a few people who seem to believe that it's better to be 'natural' and 'show your true feelings' and 'let it all out' as it's more 'real'! So I've been wondering if, by trying to keep my cool and stay calm, am I being 'fake'?!? Is it unhealthy if I don't 'show' my anger at all?

Is there such a thing as too much self control??

Would appreciate any input on this