[lifelesstraveled]

that I start writing down all of the positive things I do every day---even the smallest things, like opening a door for someone---to help build a positive self image. She said because it wasn't done for me as a child, I have to do it myself. So I have started an affirmations journal. It's kind of hard to get into the groove of it because most days I am not paying attention to what I am doing. I don't even know if I am doing anything good or positive at all. But it's an excellent idea that I thought I'd share with everyone.

[Rapunzel]

That is a very good suggestion. And much harder to do than it sounds like, if you are like me and have a part that fights anything positive about yourself.

I noticed my resistance to even this idea (it took me some time to even look at your post beyond what pops up in the preview), and I think that if I were to try this, I would receive it better if I wrote as if writing a letter to myself in the second person. Since it is something missing that we didn't get during childhood, I think that I would need to receive it as if someone else were telling me.

[lifelesstraveled]

Rap,

Yes it is also incredibly hard for me to do because it's really hard for me to believe any good or positive about myself. One day T told me she thought I was intelligent and I told her I didn't believe her. She looked at me and said so you're calling me a liar? Which was NOT my intention, it's just hard for me to believe and accept anything positive about myself....

The letter is a good idea too. I didn't think about that. I still think that would be really hard for me to do. I would prob start with the list and work my way to the letter at some point.

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

Rap,

Yes it is also incredibly hard for me to do because it's really hard for me to believe any good or positive about myself. One day T told me she thought I was intelligent and I told her I didn't believe her. She looked at me and said so you're calling me a liar? Which was NOT my intention, it's just hard for me to believe and accept anything positive about myself....

The letter is a good idea too. I didn't think about that. I still think that would be really hard for me to do. I would prob start with the list and work my way to the letter at some point.

It's hard for me to believe anything good someone says about me, too! I have such a low self esteem. I feel unloved (except by God), ugly (even though a dear friend said yesterday I'm pretty),
stupid, & worthless & have even hurt myself; once, I even had a plan to attempt suicide. My T knows this. Lifelesstraveler, your T has a good idea. She really does! If mine suggested this, I would honestly tell her I couldn't do it because I feel like I'd be writing lies.

[RomanSunburn]

That sounds like a really neat idea. Sounds very helpful. Just the act of writing it out, whether or not you believe it, sounds like it would start the process.

But, one thing that seems to work for me, which kind of randomly happened... I had an experience happened to me which I thought was more a strange quirk than me being a good person, so I told my mother. She instantly spun it into this great, positive thing about me! Now, every so often, she brings it up (completely on her own, she doesn't even realize it helps when she does this!). And when she does, of course my little demon beats it down and says "thats not what happened at all!" but each time, he loses his grip a little bit.

So maybe, once the lists have been finished you could talk to someone about what's on it, and maybe they could help. Maybe bring up a point or two when you're feeling especially down. It would be hard to do, simply cause it would be uncomfortable and the negative thoughts would get in the way -- but it might help hearing it from someone else.

Just a thought!
Good luck everyone,
Ro

[Perna]

I like that it's things you do, rather than just things out of the blue that you are supposed to feel you "are". Actions are harder to fight with than just random thoughts like, "I am smart". I like your T's suggestion because it helps one pay attention to what one is doing, rather than thinking. Too, you can do it backwards :-) and think of something nice to do and then do it!

I'm reading a book and one of the main characters, an old man/father, has a stroke and the physical therapist tells his wife to give him a massage and she's shocked, says no way can she and the therapist tells her it doesn't have to be a formal massage, just touch! Everyone needs touch, an infant will die if it's not touched. But I forget this and how, when my mother was old I massaged her back once and it was great for me too. Now I try to remember to daily give my husband's shoulders a rub and a pat :-) and yesterday he was really grateful and let me know how good it felt and that made me feel even better; it's an upward spiral; not all the little good things we do will get good responses from others but some will and all of them will train us to do more little good things and enjoy them for ourselves.