[vacantangel]

I originally posted this in the Doc John's Welcome thread but I think it got lost in there, so I'm reposting it as a separate thread.


I basically have NO self-esteem. It has been squashed and trampled on since early childhood, creating in me extremely negative thinking. In fact, I have so much self-hatred that I fail to see why others could possibly like me. I need constant reassurance, very tiring on those in my life. Is there hope for someone who is in my position? I think if I could improve my self-esteem, maybe some of my other issues in life might just fall into place and not become real issues to begin with.

Opinions?

[Poppet]

Hi Angelgirl, I felt that I had NO self esteem and hated myself for years. It was always there in my head. My negative thinking and beliefs are still there now, but not as bad as they were. I believe it can take a lifetime to improve the sort of negativity that's been ingrained since childhood.

But it is possible to slowly absorb other ways of thinking and feeling, it just takes so long ! To me, its like a disability I live with. But I know what my aims are and if it takes me all my life I will get there !!! Phew !

As for finding it hard to believe ppl will like me, I struggle with that daily, that's why even posting on here is part of my determination to get to a place where I feel that ppl do like me.

There is hope, IMO, for us but it takes a lot of time and work on yourself..........hope this new forum will help us all discuss it more

((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Poppet

[Poppet]

Angelgirl, forgot to say I love your kitty pic - has he fallen asleep in his biscuits ? How cute

[Isolated_Guy]

Angel Girl, I hope you remember what I told you about setting up expectations of others. Combine that with the conscious thought of always wanting reassurance, and you're setting yourself up for fustration and sadness. I can say that because I'm finally starting to learn this myself. To think how much time I've wasted in which I will never get back. When you keep setting the bar of expectations from others too high, you will never perceive anything positive. And I also told you how I came so close to destroying a special frendship because I projected my own self doubt on to her and accused her of thinking negative things about me that I now know were not true at all. I'm not going to give up hoping that what I keep telling you will sink in.

[BamaSurvivor]

Isolated Guy pretty much said what I was going to say, except he's put it to action. I'm still not 'walking the talk', so to speak. Also remember, you can't change or make people do/say/think what you'd like them to think, you can only change things for YOU. A good quote comes to mind, "You can't choose what people say to you, you can only choose how you react to it." I think that's a big part of self esteem... Learning how to except you as you are and know that you can't please everyone or make everyone like you.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AngelGirl}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} There's ALWAYS hope! You may not realize it, but you have it... otherwise you wouldn't be here on this forum. So there! LOL

[vacantangel]

Well Poppet, I like you. I agree with you about it taking the rest of our lives. I also feel that I have no self-esteem, there's nowhere to go but up. I'm glad that you have goals and you're making some progress. I have just started to set goals and working on it. I personally think that a lack of self-esteem is at the core of our thinking, meaning, that if we can improve our self-esteem, resulting in us feeling better about ourselves, more accepting of ourselves, then maybe we won't be so negatively affected by what others say. It will make us stronger. I had an appt with my T today and she told me that you can never really change a negative thinker into a positive thinker but you can certainly improve on the way you think but it's something that you will constantly have to work at, just as you mentioned. I've decided that I have to work at mine cuz it couldn't be any worse than it is now. I need to start thinking better of myself, more accepting of myself or I don't think I'll ever be able to have much if any control with my BP rapid cycling and I want to try and not be so affected by outside sources as I am now. Anyways, that's my take on it, right or wrong. I'm really glad that Doc John gave us this forum to bring us all together to help each other out with whatever might help each of us. I know, I personally certainly don't have anything to lose. So, we'll all be here for each other and help boost each other up.

Thanks about liking my avatar. Yep, that's a kitty who fell into his food dish. It's kinda representing my depressive mood but in a cute way instead of a very depressing looking avatar. I change my avatar and sig frequently and since I'm no longer in the abyss, thanks to our little wayward discussions here and some really persistant friends here who didn't give up on me, I'm 'ok' again. Thank God, that time in the abyss was really scary. I 'hate' getting that low. Anyway, I've rambled as usual Keep posting and we'll all get through this together.

[vacantangel]

Yes, I will probably need several reminders of this because it is so ingrained in me. I want to have less expectations of others and concentrate on me now. I know this isn't going to be easy and I'm going to fail a million times before I get it through my thick skull. I'm glad that you were able to do some positive changing of yourself so that you have been able to maintain this friendship you have. I see a remarkable change in you IG. You are obviously working very, very hard on yourself and it shows. Keep up the good work, oh and give me a when you see me going back to my current negative, unhealthy behaviour that I desperately need to change.

[vacantangel]

I totally agree with you and my reactions is what's got to change because they have a very direct impact on my cycling and my rapid cycling is waaaaaaaaaaaay out of control. I think the only thing that is going to help it is me making some positive changes and I'm up for the challenge. We'll do it together. We won't be perfect but we'll give it our best shot. You'll get there and so will I. See that was a positive statement about myself, now all I have to do is start to believe it. That will take longer than making the comments.

[vacantangel]

Thanks for the encouraging words and the hugs Sept Morn. I certainly can use them. This is not going to be easy but having this forum is a great help. I do see hope that I can change and I have to have lots of patience cuz this is gonna take some time, lots of time. Patience has never been one of my best traits. I will also have to learn patience through this journey.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi IG -- I noted some ways that you've changed for the better on another thread but I'll add one here: what you write seems to make more sense now, not as riddled with the distorted thinking caused by depression.

Good for you.

(You "on something" boy -- said in my best old cowboy voice -- or is all this coming about through self effort, no "better living through chemistry.")

You should be proud, IG.

[Isolated_Guy]

Wants2Fly, I'm not taking anything I haven't mentioned before. The change I'm starting to feel is something no substance can cause.