Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Mar 11, 2005, 01:25 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
I'm posting this again because I whole and truly believe it's a great tool towards self-esteem. Boundary setting is key.

Beauty Is In The "I"

There is much talk today about boundaries, personal power and positive affirmations. Core to these aspects of personal awareness is the "I" statement. Whether in conversation with another or as part of the self-talk (our internal running commentary on what we are doing or what we perceive others as doing), the "I" is critical to boundary clarification and personal empowerment. This article will address the role of the "I" in boundary clarification.

For a moment, close your eyes and imagine your boundary. It should encircle you and separate you from the "outside world." Everything inside of the boundary is YOU, everything outside is OTHER. Inside the boundary are all the aspects of Self that defines YOU as a unique individual. YOU are defined by your wants, needs, likes, dislikes, beliefs, loves and passions. The many aspects of Self are owned by the word "I" and when communicated, allows Others to know something about who you are. When you tell someone "I want..." "I need..." or "I feel..." you are sharing pieces of who you are with them. "I" statements are uniquely yours, and reflect values and aspects of the self that may or may not be shared by those around you.

Boundaries can be thought of as firm yet flexible. Your boundary moves with you and is selectively "permeable." You are in charge of what you allow into your boundary. If something comes at you that you agree with or fits your experience of yourself, you can choose to allow it in and incorporate it into your "I" messages and self-talk. If, however, something is not a part of you or is not true for you, you can choose to leave it outside of your boundary.

Many of us struggle with "You" statements or critical comments that may be thrown our way. Often, people share with me their deep hurt from what others say or think. They have not developed an internal mechanism for disarming these potentially toxic messages.

If you remember that your boundary is in your control, you can choose to let other's thoughts and opinions stay outside. Their negative statements are not automatically "Yours." If they are not brought in and owned by the "I" they remain in the real of the "Other." You do not have to take them on. If someone pays you a compliment, you can choose to take it in, but it is still about the other. If I say I like something about you, I am telling you something about my preferences, values or opinions. If I tell you that I hate the same thing, I am still telling you something about me.

Remembering that other's opinions tell us something about them, not about us, is very important! When we are children, we learn much of who we are by what others tell us about ourselves. Hopefully, the messages have been positive. However, it is more commonly true that we hear critical and toxic messages that we internalize and make part of our own self-talk. As an adult, being aware of these critical messages, and making the choice to re-evaluate whether the messages are Yours, or belong in the realm of the Other, allows you to begin the process of changing your old self-talk into new empowering, nurturing messages. It is the first step toward defusing and disowning a message that has no place in your repertoire of self-talk.

"You" messages usually are inherently boundary violations. No one else can tell us what we think or feel, though often Others will try to do this very thing. You are the only one living in your body, and the only one who can report to an Other what you think of feel. Others can ask, they may assume, but they cannot KNOW until we tell them with our "I" statements.

It is important for us to take note of how we think and feel about the many choices we face daily. If we become captive to everyone else's ideas as to what we should or should not do, we lose our sense of who we are. The boundary blurs and we will not differentiate who we are from others around us.

So, remember to visualize your boundary. You have control over it. It belongs to you. What is inside is YOU, what is outside is OTHER. Everything inside composes the "I" and who you are. This is dynamic and growing as each day brings new awareness and insight. Living with the "I" keeps your boundary clear and the Self empowered.
_______________________________________________________________

Sheila K. McHenry Worman, Psy D., MFCC
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

advertisement
  #2  
Old Mar 11, 2005, 01:47 PM
kimmydawn's Avatar
kimmydawn kimmydawn is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: ohio, us
Posts: 15,446
thank you for posting this again, ((((((((((((((((((( september ))))))))))))))

i hope you're having a good day?
__________________
  #3  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 05:04 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
bump
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #4  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 06:56 PM
nothemama8's Avatar
nothemama8 nothemama8 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
Waving hand in air this is Self-Esteem 101 , right , somebody's got to teach so others may grow, your the one who helped us get started, so keepa talkin hun
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "
A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  #5  
Old Mar 14, 2005, 07:02 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
I did this morning! LOL Or was it earlier this afternoon? Hmmm... time gets away from me... but I made a post about this:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Whether in conversation with another or as part of the self-talk (our internal running commentary on what we are doing or what we perceive others as doing), the "I" is critical to boundary clarification and personal empowerment.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

What do you say to yourself when you drop something or when you make a bigger mistake? "You dummy!"? "You stupid Sh**!"? Ut oh! No, no, no! "Beauty is in the 'I' " A simple "Oops" would do, or "that wasn't so bad. I'll do better next time." I'd like to think that none of us would call our own children that. We need to talk to ourselves if we were our own LOVING parent! Silence the critic!
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #6  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 01:43 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
MY DECLARATION OF SELF-ESTEEM

I AM ME

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.

Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it.

I own everything about me; my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all of my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I won all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I won all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me; by so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts.

I know there are aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.

If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I AM ME! --Virginia Satir
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #7  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 08:56 PM
nothemama8's Avatar
nothemama8 nothemama8 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
I am a nurturing person

I accept the fact that I make mistakes because I learn from them

Iam a survivor

Iam like a piece of art, a work in progress

I'am Me
Angie
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "
A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  #8  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 08:59 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
Right on, Angie! "Beauty is in the 'I' "
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #9  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 09:09 PM
nothemama8's Avatar
nothemama8 nothemama8 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
Okay I did it folks now it's your turn, and it only hurt for a little while, almost had a brain-fart
Angie "Beauty is in the 'I' "
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "
A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  #10  
Old Mar 15, 2005, 09:31 PM
vacantangel vacantangel is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,005
Today's not a good day for me cuz I can't think of anything, so I'm just gonna say:

I AM ME. "Beauty is in the 'I' "
  #11  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 07:38 PM
vacantangel vacantangel is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,005
I AM a fighter
I AM determined
I AM doing whatever I can to change my negative thinking to positive thinking
I AM supportive
I AM kind
I AM empathetic
I AM compassionate
I AM objective
I AM NOT self-centered "Beauty is in the 'I' "
I AM honest
I AM loyal
I AM entitled to the way I feel
I AM entitled to have my own opinions
I AM trustworthy
I AM passionate
I AM nice
I care about others
I AM ME!!!

Ok, that's much better than yesterday. I'll be back again. "Beauty is in the 'I' "
  #12  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 07:51 PM
nothemama8's Avatar
nothemama8 nothemama8 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
Wonderful, are there any other brave souls out there come on ppl
Angie
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "
A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  #13  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 08:33 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
WOW, AG! Great going! "Beauty is in the 'I' " How many are you going to start with... while looking at yourself in the mirror? "Beauty is in the 'I' "
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #14  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 09:18 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
I know I've already responded to you on this one, but I just gotta tell you again; I'M IMPRESSED!!! "Beauty is in the 'I' "
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #15  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 10:30 PM
vacantangel vacantangel is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,005
At least I believe those ones. I can find more actually. "Beauty is in the 'I' "
  #16  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 10:51 PM
SpazKatt's Avatar
SpazKatt SpazKatt is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,917
I have pretty eyes
I love my freckles
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "

My Website !
  #17  
Old Mar 16, 2005, 10:55 PM
LadyDragus's Avatar
LadyDragus LadyDragus is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2003
Location: Springfield Mo. USA
Posts: 3,501
yes I have this printed off and I read it when I actually get down about my looks and my self and think I am not good enough for my "husband to be" so I read this..

Thank you for putting this hear it is a good place to have it posted and I think we should all read it and think long and hard on this one..

Lady D.
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "
  #18  
Old Mar 17, 2005, 01:16 AM
vacantangel vacantangel is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,005
I AM HONEST!!!
  #19  
Old Mar 17, 2005, 01:19 AM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lady D!!!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Good to have you back! Where have you been keeping yourself, girl?? Welcome back! "Beauty is in the 'I' "
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #20  
Old Mar 17, 2005, 01:24 AM
vacantangel vacantangel is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,005
I AM TRUSTWORTHY!!!
  #21  
Old Mar 17, 2005, 07:25 AM
CJR520 CJR520 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2005
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 312
I love my husband
I am learning to love myself
I care deeply about others
I am my own person
I will assert myself with those who try to LEAD me by the nose
I love my horses
  #22  
Old Mar 21, 2005, 12:35 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
Something to think about:

Where are your boundaries today?
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #23  
Old Mar 25, 2005, 02:21 PM
nothemama8's Avatar
nothemama8 nothemama8 is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: PA USA
Posts: 7,878
I will not let another person make me feel inadequte
I can't spell but I LIKE ME
Angie
__________________
"Beauty is in the 'I' "
A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.
  #24  
Old Apr 10, 2005, 01:07 PM
SeptemberMorn's Avatar
SeptemberMorn SeptemberMorn is offline
Most Legendary Elder
 
Member Since: Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
Anybody have anything new to add about their personal boundaries?

What have you accepted to come in? Is there anything you have rejected?

What about that self-talk?
__________________


Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
  #25  
Old Apr 10, 2005, 01:11 PM
mamangieh mamangieh is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2005
Posts: 12
I like me, and refuse to let others make me feel inferrerer(sp)
Angie (nothemama)
Reply
Views: 1902

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:39 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.