[LLL1985]

I talked to my ARMHS worker and I told her what has been going on for awhile...I tried to be honest with her...The problem is is that I am not sure what will happen and that scares me... I was honest with her and told her that my therapist has been hurting me..That she touches me in places that she shouldn't..And I told Pat that that is why my therapist does not like her is because since I started seeing Pat i have been telling my therapist no and starting to not like the attention...That I want to have positive attention and that what she has been doing to me for awhile is not the attention I want...
I have said too much..My voices are startng in and I need to post this before I delete it.

[Elysium]

LLL....

How are you doing? How are things going for you?

Take good care!!

You did good to tell. i'm glad you told. You need a new therapist sweet one. Therapists aren't supposed to do that. No one gets to do that unless and until you have an appropriate, trustworthy relationship.

What should happen is that you should be transferred to another therapist. You should not see this therapist again. You deserve to be safe. Do what you need to do to be safe, ask questions about what happens next--it's your life and that's information you deserve to know--and please don't see that therapist any more no matter what.

[LLL1985]

I want to say thank you for answering my post.
I feel scared..I mean who is going to beleive me over her? They will look at me and say that I am doing it for attention...I wish for once in my life someone would beleive me instead of my abusers...
I need to take a shower but I do not feel safe enough to do that...I mean I will have to take one soon...I mean I get scared when I am naked. I am afraid that someone will hurt me..I wish I could get everything out...
LLL1985

i know it's very scary worrying about being believed. That's a really really big problem for me too. But right now i think it would be good to remember what's most important is getting what you need and stopping what's not. You need to stop seeing a counselor/therapist who is inappropriate and/or abusing you and find one that is appropriate. For that, it doesn't matter if they believe you or not. All that matters is you don't want to see that counselor anymore. No one can make you see her. Tell them you wish they'd believe you (and that fear may or may not be true) but even if they don't, you can't work with that person. You deserve so much better. If you need help to get what you need i hope you'll ask a trusted person to help you.

[LLL1985]

I am having a meeting tomorrow and I really don't want to go to it. i have to talk to the top dude of the mental health center..I am very scared and really don't want to go...I feel like locking myself in my apartment and never leaving again...But nobody understands that I I just can not do this..And I wish somebody would just listen to me and not look at me as if I am lying. I use to and that is the old me..I have been being honest with everyone...I have been drinking more than usual. And I am not a drinker...I feel that maybe the slcohol with numb me but it hasn't.
LLL1985

Please let the mental health administrator know that you would like an advocate with you. i don't know your age but it sounds like you feel others have authority over you. You can call your state's mental health ombudsman if there is one and/or call a central agency like social services or the local sexual assault clinic. You shouldn't have to go through any of this alone. It's possible those in administrative or authoritative positions just need to document what you're saying but no one should be approaching you as a liar or questioning you like you're in trouble. Some of those feelings could be "old tapes" playing too. i hope you'll get the help you need.

[LLL1985]

I have tried to talk to advocates in my area and I feel like my ARMHS worker's boss is ok...Pat S. is my ARMHS worker and I was told that she and her supervisor Pat H. will be bringing me to the meeting...I called and talked to Pat S. and she told me that no they are not ganging up on me...That Pat H. thought that it would be good for Pat S. to ride with because Pat S. knows how to keep me calm..Pat H. thought that it maybe easier on me if she would come with..I asked Pat S. if we could take her car because she allows me to smoke in her car. Pat S. said that she did not know what car we will be taking but that even if we did take her car that Pat H. may not want me to smoke...
I asked Pat S. that if she drove if I can sit up front with her or that if Pat H. drives if Pat S. would sit in the back seat with me. She asked me if I thought that that would make me feel less ganged up on. I told her yes.
I feel very scared....I am afraid to ride with Pat S. and Pat H. but I know that I can trust them...
I talked to the on-call therapist and he told me that I could write things down and give them to Scott...I told him that I feel like not going to get my meds and my shot tomorrow and hide in my apartment and not let anyone in...But I know that that will not work...The resident manager knows Pat S. and would prolly let her into the building and then into my apartment so I have to think of some place else I can hide..I can not hide at Marie's cause that would be the most obvious place I would go...I I just feel that I am not strong enough to do this....I am scared and I feel like I am that little girl again...I told someone that I wish I would have never told anyone about the abuse...i told them that if I would not have told 12 years ago about the abuse that was going on this would not be happening...I feel so darn scared and I feel I have no one to talk to...I just want to hide...
LLL1985