[Kiya]

So, I was invited over for Valentines (to my mom's) for dinner, dessert, and gifts for both the cat and I. So... i brought the cat and I over (at her request for visitation rights on the cat).
This reaffirmed just how toxic any environment with her is. And it is SO hard to put into words when it is not overt physical abuse. It was like walking back into the sticky web.
My cat didn't know what to do. He just lay down on the floor and looked confused. At some point he walked around, looking at all his old haunts; his old chair, where his box used to be, where the food dish was, his hidey hole under a different chair in the corner... who ever said cats only have a 16 hour memory haven't owned them. He dissapeared (refused to eat his Valentine supper) and I found him sitting on the floor, in the dark, where my bed used to be. When I went to him he cried and leaped into my arms, purring, wrapping his paws around my neck. He wouldn't purr when mom held him.
I knew I had to take him home. I had been there 2 hours too long and had a heart sick cat. Mom couldn't believe we were leaving. I said "Look at him! He's ill! He won't even eat!" This is a 15 pounder whose never turned down a meal. And now he was laying by the door, clearly indicating we needed to leave. Soon. I thanked her for the dinner and started packing up our gifts; cat food, kiya food, a disk towel and pot holder, and some flowers. Mom said she had to carry him to the car - once there he again leaped into my arms.
Mom cried.
We left.
Once on the road, my baby had a totaly panic attack, crawled into my lap, and started hyperventlating. I had to pull off the road to get him calm. After an hour at OUR HOME, he threw up. Then he was able to eat some. I told mom I'll not do that to him again. He has clearly adjusted to this new place better than I have. He LOVES it. I am taking my cues from him to NOT think "we had it good back there".

What an experience. Thanks for sharing.

[AShadow721]

I think some people may think you are exaggerating about your cat's reactions to being at your mother's house. But I have two cats here that are really my "father's" who react the same way when my father comes over. I use quotes because he abandoned them and is abusive to them when he sees them. Less now, since he is not living with them though. Okay, there is one male tabby and there was two female siamese, the small one always had terrible sores on her when my father was taking care of her. Well, he threw both of the siamese out on the street when he came over and I was sleeping. I never saw the bigger, older one again. But the smaller one came to the door one day after about two-three weeks and I let her back in. She looked like she hadn't eaten at all. Now that she is back, all her sores are healed. But whenever I use the broom for instance, they run away frantically like my father abused them with it routinely while I was on vacation (they never ran like that before I went on vacation). They also run and hide when my father comes in the house. The siamese cat was so sweet and friendly when my father got her, now she is so scared she won't even come close to anyone. Dogs can also get PTSD. My ex-boyfriend's parents used to be foster parents for labs. There was this one that had to take psychiatric medication and was so afraid to go with in at least 15 feet to the street or a car. He would freeze and start trying to walk backward. My ex-boyfriend had to carry him every time we took him for a walk and the dog was so huge too. We also had to take special different routes to walk him. The dog was really sweet though.

Yeah, I don't think you should take your cat back to your mom's house. She doesn't need visitation rights. Cats and dogs can't have therapy like we can, so it's a lot harder to help them deal with their problems. And cats are so much more difficult than dogs. You just have to avoid whatever makes your cat upset.

[Kiya]

yep - animals are very smart and really sensitive to people and bad situations. this same cat - always friendly - would turn stiff, mean, and wary when my dad or grandma came over. very watchful. I told my dr about what happened too - she said "very insightful observation".
Thanks for the post!

[NuckingFutz]

Obviovsly from the posts above, it seems when it comes to abuse cats and dogs are smarter than people. They do everything they can to avoid abuse while some abuse victims put themselves right back in the abusers environment over and over and over again until we realize that banging our head up against wall long enough we realize we have a headache. But most of us eventually learn. Cats and dogs rely on us to keep them safe. Please do not tratmatize your pets to appease your abuser. Everyone will feel better in the long run. Thanks.

[Kiya]

yep - i told her i will not take him there again. those two hours made him ill. He's my "baby" (even at 12 yrs old) and I'll not have him feel that bad. it is easier to care for him than it is myself - I am glad he was there as a teacher for me to see the situation clearly.

[Elysium]

Kiya ~ I'm proud of you!!!

[amante]

Kiya,

Good for you in making that decision for the best of your cat. i'm glad you were able to get out of there after 2 hours, poor baby getting sick in the car and at home.