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#1
Mar 25, 2010, 08:10 AM
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to say the least my mom wasnt the best parent in fact she just plain sucked
 she was and to some part is very abusive in many ways.i am older now so physical abuse is out of the question but the emotional crap is always thare.she will never change.these days i hate her and im just not wanting to deal.she is going for knee surgery and has called me to take care of her durring her recovery.I CANT SAY NO.i hate her and i hate her for asking me to do this.i cant even barely care for myself these days and she wants me to take care of her.in the past i reminded her about how she hated me.something she readily addmitts because i was so awful.but she said things have changed now ROTFLMAO god i hate her and her asking me to do this has totally sent me out of controle.HATES HER MOM
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#2
Mar 25, 2010, 12:21 PM
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I can so totally understand what you are saying! I would even get upset about lesser things concerning taking care of my parents. It's like "you didn't take care of me real well and you want me to take care of you now!" It does make you angry. What are you going to do?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Mar 25, 2010, 12:51 PM
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A lot of parents have this idea that we "owe" them.
children deserve UNCONDITIONAL love from their parents! Not this! We don't owe them ANYTHING. But I understand how hard it can be to not help someone in need. And I also understand you not wanting to. My aunt wanted me to help her when she was old. I am glad I never had to but I feel so guilty sometimes. Billi
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The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
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#4
Mar 27, 2010, 11:34 PM
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How are you doing, granite1?
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#5
Mar 28, 2010, 08:16 AM
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not so good i just wish i could just relax and be ok with all this god i hate my mother and the idea of having to take care of her for any time is just sending me out of controle but i ccant say no.i can hardly take care of myself at the moment how am i supose to care for her also..she has never taken care of me EVER
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#6
Mar 28, 2010, 01:42 PM
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granite1, I hope you find the strength and compassion to help your Mother through this. It may not change anything, but it will show that you have the capacity to do what is appropriate under such trying circumstances.
Good luck. |
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#7
Mar 30, 2010, 11:36 PM
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You know, as hard as it is, it's okay so say NO to helping a family member, especially one who was abusive. Really, it is.
I can relate, my mother's family are older and need help but also quite abusive. Mom died when I was 20, and I always felt it was my job for her sake to take care of them. I have worked on this for about 15 years now, and can finally say it's not worth the emotional fallout to the people around me, myself or my relatives for ME to do the caring. Perhaps you could help both her and yourself by problem-solving- Can your mother hire some help? Could she get assitance through a social service agecny? Another friend or connection? There are always more options, hard to see when we feel so obligated. Take care! |
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