[googley]

I find it really hard to trust people and get anxious around people in positions of authority. My parents were emotionally/verbally abusive. I think I am so scared because when I was a kid and I reached out for help I would end up getting in trouble or having my feelings discounted. But now it is getting problematic when I have to talk to professors etc. I feel so anxious around them. Does anyone else have this problem?

[Gr3tta]

Hi Googley. I just wanted to say that I have this problem too. I find it very difficult to trust people, and am often intimidated by persons in positions of authority. If I need to talk to my boss, or other authoritarian figure, it sometimes helps me to "rehearse" the conversation I want to have ahead of time. That way I'm more comfortable with what I need to say.

[Evening]

I most CERTAINLY have this problem. I don't trust no one, not no way, not no how.
In fact it used to be so bad that I could barely have someone in a different room of my house because I thought they would go through my things and take something, even if they were only going to the bathroom. I've never had a relationship, I question a lot of my friends, even today when I asked my mother if she wanted to look for violas with me and she didn't respond I thought she must be ignoring me because she doesn't want to go.

I was verbally/mentally/emotionally abused myself, so I know what it can do to your head. I don't like the fact other abuse are put above it when this abuse can just destroy you as a person, affect the way you think, the way you feel , the way you view others and yourself.

It is a terrifying and humiliating thing to go through, and the worst part is it may take years before you even realise the extent of it because the people who abuse in this way are just so damn manipulative.

[WePow]

((((((( Googley )))))) oh yes!!! I have major trust issues as well. Not fun. It takes a ton of work to trust anyone - even friends. It is like we are always waiting for something very bad to happen. And we are never shocked when we are let down.

[Sannah]

What I always do when I am trying to break a trigger is do self talk before, during and after the trigger. I keep telling myself that that was then and this is now and that I need to focus on this moment and what is different about it. You can change those messages and triggers. And of course in therapy you need to diffuse those triggers too by talking about the incidents in therapy in detail and with your feelings involved. Good insight Googley, that you noticed this trigger! Very good work!!!!

[googley]

I know that this is tied into the abuse, but I don't know if it is connected to my PTSD or my slight social anxiety.

[AtreyuFreak]

I have huge trust issues. With friends, boyfriends, teachers, authority figures, and (especially right now) my T. With my T, since that's a place where trust is needed in order for it to help, my alters are constantly self-sabotaging. They take every little thing my T could be potentially doing wrong (which right now is kinda a lot of things...) and use it to destroy any trust I have built up towards her. One of my alters has mistrust/dislike of authority figures like hardwired into her persona/psyche. Needless to say this makes therapy (and other things) very hard. We haven't been in a relationship with a man for about a year and a half because of it...but we don't mind .

[Gr3tta]

Originally Posted by googley

I know that this is tied into the abuse, but I don't know if it is connected to my PTSD or my slight social anxiety.

It could be both, or could fit into an area where they overlap. Sometimes I don't think it's so important to figure out which diagnosis an issue fits into so much as it is to find the emotional or experiential source. Recognizing this issue and going after it is very brave of you! Keep at it!

[Lamplighter]

Googley I so relate to what you are describing, and especially about being scared of people in positions of authority. (Ha ha for me that means everyone!)

I was trying to explain this to my ex-T and had a sudden realization that I view everyone as having some kind of parental authority over me. That they all have the power to do whatever they want, to treat me in whatever way they want, and that the only way I could be safe and feel a little bit of trust around people was if I acted like a ‘good little girl’ (and even then it doesn’t always work because of course I am needing them to care about how I feel and that’s not really part of the adult deal.)

He was trying to tell me that I was giving them this authority over me and though intellectually I knew what he meant I got pretty angry at him because it felt like he was blaming ME for people having this kind of power over me - I kept asking him how I could stop giving them this power then when they all had it in the first place - especially people in real positions of power and authority like bosses and the like. He finally came up with a comment that stuck in my head - they don’t DESERVE to be given parental authority over me. They aren’t better than me and they don’t have the right to treat me like a misbehaving or bad child.

It’s worth looking at how you view your professors Googley, maybe it’s not so much a question of trust generally as that because they have real power over you in terms of your being a student maybe you are experiencing them as uncaring and power-abusing parental figures?

Just a thought

Torn

[Julial]

I understand how you feel. I used to cry every time someone would criticize, reprimand or suggest something to me. It caused me so much agony and embarrassment, that I dreaded interviews, stopping and asking for directions, questioning a disputed bill, or even meeting people. I used some of the other ideas suggested by other posters, such as rehearsing situations or if I was being corrected by a teacher, I tried to just concentrate on what they were trying to tell me and not on the bad feelings that I was having. I agree with what Torn is saying about giving parental control to other people. I feel that was a lot of my own problems with others. You are definitely not alone! Keep the faith.

[Sannah]

I don't think that you have to fit it into a diagnosis either. This issue came from your parents.

[Skully]

I feel for you, I have a lot of trust issues and will often push people away for this reason. I wish I could stop but I never seem to be able to break the pattern.

[geez]

Originally Posted by googley

I find it really hard to trust people and get anxious around people in positions of authority. My parents were emotionally/verbally abusive. I think I am so scared because when I was a kid and I reached out for help I would end up getting in trouble or having my feelings discounted. But now it is getting problematic when I have to talk to professors etc. I feel so anxious around them. Does anyone else have this problem?

googley I can relate! The upside to this for me is i've gotten pretty good at picking people out the people I can't trust (most people ) so in turn I'm shielded from being hurt. The unfortunate side to this is that I shield myself from some people who only have good intentions.

[goldgirl]

I too have serious trouble with authority figures thanks to my dad. He had to control everything and had taumtrus when things don't go his way. I don't trust people with power to be fair or just. I read about giving parental power over us. I still live by their rules even though i don't live with them. How do you break free? I feel as if i have chains on me.