Is this normal?

I've been talking in therapy lately about some of the abuse I went through as a child and young adult. Frequently, my T will ask how I feel about something and I will think for a second and then reply "I don't know". I know that some people feel angry about their abuse and apparently this can be a good thing at times, but I've told my T that I don't feel angry or like I am an angry person. My sister seems to be angry about the abuse we endured, but I don't feel that way. When I think about it, I don't really feel anything. Sometimes I feel a little sad, but just a little not a lot. Is it normal not to know how you feel about something? It's not even just the abuse, when my T asks me about other things too, sometimes I just don't know how I feel. How can a person not know how they feel about something? I was just wondering if anyone else had this experience, and if anyone has any advice/experience/tips to provide on the subject I would greatly appreciate them. Thanks!

Alexandria I too have the same experiences in therapy. When I first started therapy I felt numb to most of it. I had talked about (a couple years ago) the first time in therapy (abuse) and the emotions weren't there.

However today I feel different. I feel like I'm now processing all this and how it has effected me in my relationships, self esteem etc... (confused as ever and trying to figure it out - it's hard without wanting to shut down) It was like there was a delay in my brain. I think it has something to do with surviving the experience. I am interested to see what others have to say.

Thank you for posting this question!

I don't believe I'd worry about the term - "normal"..... this term can be ever changing, depending on the circumstances and the person within those circumstances
you are what you are and you do what you do....

with that said-- I think it's quite common for some to not have "feelings" about abuse..... I know I've kept feelings out of the picture... it's been easier for me to be "numb".... that's how I've coped.
Maybe that's how you've coped too? Some rage in anger, some cry in pain and others don't have much feeling or don't have access to it.....

wonder, has your therapist talked much about your ability to feel?... maybe that's something to work on?

best to you

fins

Thanks fins. I don't know, I don't even feel "numb" per se, I just don't have any feelings about it at all. I know that it happened and I know that it was wrong, but that is about it. I know when I talk about it I can talk about what happened without becoming emotional or crying, it happened, I don't see what good crying about it is going to do (this is in no way condemning crying, this is just my own personal experience). Maybe that is how I have coped, but I am not for sure. It is all very confusing. My therapist keeps asking me "What did you do with those feelings?" after I talk about something. I usually just say "I don't know." I mean feelings aren't material things that you have to "do something with" in my experience. I guess if you ignore them then they just go away? Maybe I was angry about the abuse when it happened, but some of this stuff has been years ago now and I just don't get upset about it anymore. T says it makes her sad, but I just want to say "Well, that's because you haven't gotten used to it yet!" Once you have been treated this way for so long you start to stop being surprised when it happens.