[pulled2ways]

I was abused throughout much of my life up to my early twenties, but yet I find it very hard to use words such as sexual abuse or rape in relation to myself. Sometimes I can write it but don't ask me to say it. Things like this aren't supposed to happen in small town America. I've been in & out of psych units for nearly half of my adult life. I go in & out of therapy...running away as soon as things get too painful & detailed. I feel better when I don't talk about it, that is until another trigerring event comes up. What good does that due?

I just want the yo-yo to stop. I want to live life & get beyond being a victim. Yet, I have trouble believing that'll ever happen, so instead of living life, I think of ending it.

That's about all I can say on this topic right now...my heart's racing & my thoughts are getting stirred up...and this is w/ typing anonymously to total strangers. Thanks for listening!

[Julial]

I understand where you are coming from. Even after decades have passed, there are still things that will trigger me or words I just can't say. I grew up in a normal American family where things like this don't happen. I've quit asking myself why it had to be me because there is no point to that. It did happen and the only thing I knew to do was make an appointment with a t. It has taken me years to get to the level of peace I now have. I wish that the info had been out there when I was younger so I could have started treatment earlier but I am firm believer of everything happens for a reason. It may help you to write about it and let your t read it. I wish that I had one simple way to solve this for you but it doesn't work like that. I can send you positive thoughts and wish you the very best on this journey of yours. Keep the faith.

(((((pulled2ways)))))---Julial has said pretty much all that I would say to you.

I have spent my whole life, and even now have times when I struggle with the reality of my abuse. It is through Good therapy, with a therapist you trust, and journaling, and validating your inner child that you will find some sort of Peace with this.

You have to know that you are Worth the work, you are not to blame, that you are not alone; no you are not alone!!!!!

You are worth saving. Save yourself pulled2ways!!!

You can do this. If I could do it, you can.........you are in my thoughts-----theo

[granite1]

i hardly ever talk about what i went through.words are very strong and powerfull.i always feel when i speak of things that are hurtfull it makes things way to real and i and my world will fall appart it has in the past so i totally understand whare you are comming from

[Perna]

I think for the yo-yo to stop, you have to hold on to the yo-yo when it is up in your hand; it is only then that you can take it off your finger and put it away.

As frightening and painful as the yo-yo is, it's still attached to your finger; you cannot deny that; if you let go it just drops down and bounced around a bit and gets in your way and you trip over it. I think you have to look at the yo-yo and realized that though attached, it is not part of you and can be unhooked and let go of so you can do other things. But yes, you have to look at it first; attend to it and how it "works", hold it completely but lightly so you can loosen the string around your finger.

[Alexandria04]

I know that you mentioned that whenever therapy gets too hard you run away. I would encourage you to stick with it, therapy is not comfortable or easy. No one likes to talk about the horrible things that happened to them and lots of us have trouble putting these things into words. But I truly believe that if you stick with therapy that it will truly help you and you will be able to hopefully move on with you life given enough time. Hang in there, get with a group of supportive people and start your journey!

Fantastic analogy, Perna!!! Love it.



Everyone---WePow posted a great site here last night--JMO--I think we can all benefit from it--------------theo