[dre09]

I am so sick and tired of my family trying to make me talk to their father. In my mind, my father died when I was 8 years old. They don't know what he did to me and all the anger and pain I had to deal with on my own. I triumphed over the situation on my own. I refuse to let it get the best of me and distroy the person i could become. But it's because they don't know and that i won't tell, that i can't fully move on. I have all this hate and anger in my heart. They try to guilt trip me in to talking to him (we haven't spoke in 8 years) because "he's sick". Yes, he is sick, sick in the head. I told them all "i can't wait till he dies. I will not shed a tear and I will dance and spit on his grave". How can i ever reach my full potential if I am still living with the demon inside? I already know the triggers for my nightmares, so those i can avoid. But this anger in my heart is starting to eat at me. I ask God for help, but in a way, I don't think I want it. I just hope this doesn't effect the type of mom i can be. He will never see my child!!!! I'm too scared to seek help, but i feel as if I am beginning to run out of options and lose control of my anger! As i type this, my blood begins to boil!

[Sannah]

Dre, therapy would really be helpful, have you considered it?

[foreverhis97]

iM So Sorry, And iDont Think Its Right For Your Family To Try And Make You Feel Guilty About Not Talking To Umm "their father" ;; He Did Something HORRIBLE & He Put You Through Something HORRIBLE, And They Do Not Know What You Have Been Through. So iThink You Should Just Tell Them To Stop. That Probably Won't Do Anything Or Help And Im Sorry But iDunno What To Say D:

REALLY Hope iHelped ;; Love And Peace D:

[dre09]

yes, i have. but than i have to face it all and i can't continue to live my life not thinking about it. currently i have chosen to live the cowards way.

[ilovecustard]

You must go and get some help for this. I understand the anger you feel from personal experience and it can be so over-powering. You need to let this out, and you need to talk to someone who understands and will sympathize with your angry and obviously that is not your family at the moment. If you go to your doctor they will refer you to a therapist.

Also continue with your insistence not to see your father. It is your right not to see him. But maybe telling your family would be a step forward (but only when you're ready). Maybe sharing with us would help as you are anonymous. The best person to tell would definitely be a therapist though and I urge you to go because it really will help.

[50guy]

dre.....hope you feel better now. Sometimes venting is a great way to decompress and gain a sense of calmness. Don't go see him. This is your life to live. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Your day of reconning will come.