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#1
Nov 08, 2010, 12:32 AM
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He thinks I should forgive my mother. He says that he feels sorry for her and she might be too proud to apologize to me. I've told him countless times, she is not like that. She isn't.. normal. She was never a mother who really cared about her children, what she didn't wasn't an accident. He lives in a home where he has a loving mother, and it's his dad who he has problems with, and I thought if anything, when it came up and he asked me about it, he could relate his father with my mother.. but.. he cannot. He can't grasp that not all mothers are kind and loving. To him, two and two don't go together.. and I don't expect it to make sense to him or for him to understand, but when the topic comes around to how I should feel sorry or I should be the bigger person and forgive her.. it's like.. how could you ask me to do that?
It puts a lot of distance between us, and I don't want that to happen. He's a good friend of mine, who is very positive and kind.. but his optimism doesn't work with the relationship I have with her.
__________________
~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~
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#2
Nov 08, 2010, 12:19 PM
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I was wondering....
Have you ever said to him that he should feel sorry for his dad? I can see where it would be hard in this situation-- to feel close and comfortable with such a friend. I imagine he and you share many good times but yet this would be difficult, yes.
__________________
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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#3
Nov 08, 2010, 02:46 PM
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Wow, a friend who tells you what you should do, especially without even seeing the situation from your perspective. I'm sorry.............
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Nov 08, 2010, 10:00 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~
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#5
Nov 09, 2010, 02:08 AM
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Little, maybe his way of dealing with things is to push them aside and make himself do certain things like forgive. IMO this isn't the healthy way to do things and you are doing the right thing by wanting to do things your way. Can you tell him that you need him to back off about this or at least ignore him and change the subject?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Nov 09, 2010, 11:45 AM
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Quote:
 It happens quite a bit .. not so good at getting my point across. I would never ask someone to "push what you thought" onto another person.... my aim was to help you help him gather MORE empathy.. sometimes in doing this one has to put the other in a similar place as the one that is struggling. If your friend isn't narcissistic he will try and understand where YOU are coming from and support you in your struggle. I just thought perhaps no one has ever given him the chance to see another side besides his own and thought that in doing what I mentioned it just might give him better insight.... (I've done this with people and it has helped them to see another side of things) but... afterall, you know him and I surely don't.. so you must do what feels best for you and that relationship. wishing you the best   fins
__________________
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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#7
Nov 09, 2010, 12:37 PM
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as u stated clearly many ppl just plain don't get it. i'd ask him to let this go and not bring it up again. tho he's a good friend he is not "supporting" you in a healthy way.
you need to do what is best for you. trust your owm instincts on this. you're having to live with this.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#8
Nov 09, 2010, 02:04 PM
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Quote:
With him, he really does forgive everyone for everything. He always "keeps open the doors of opportunity" for them to change. He always has hope.. well for most people anyway. In our friendship there have only been one person who he completely shunned the thought of them ever being anything better than what they already where. That was my ex best friend who had stolen my boyfriend last month. He heard the story of what she did, she had known her too and been her friend and he totally changed his view and seen her as unworthy of everything, especially since this friend had done it over three times. It's just he can't seem to picture a mom being less than loving and caring. Quote:
Quote:
Thank you Hopefully this lasts
__________________
~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~
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 purple_fins, Sannah
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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