[Rhombus]

Was watching a show last night (private practice) where a main character was raped and it has badly triggered memories of my own sexual assault (touched not raped) and worst of all I watched knowing what the episode was about.

I've never properly dealt with my feelings from 7 years ago (I was 15). I feel because he only touched me (down my pants, and in my bra) that it doesn't count as being real.

I just stuff the feelings down until something brings them up then I stuff them back down again. I only ever told 1 horrible therapist and my boyfriend and some online places, never a real friend (besides boyfriend).

Why did I watch it? Why didn't I fight back? Why did I only say no? Why do I have to see him every week at church (still live at home).

thanks for listening

[Gus1234U]

aaah Rhombus,,, it is said that dragging bad memories out into the light of day, Mindfully, and looking at what was happening inside your own mind, will be the cure of them.. i hope that's true,, you can do it alone, but lot's of people say it's better to be with someone. at any rate, i hope you get rid of the emotional baggage soon~~ and find some peace,,, best wishes Gus

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

I feel because he only touched me (down my pants, and in my bra) that it doesn't count as being real.

Why did I watch it? Why didn't I fight back? Why did I only say no? Why do I have to see him every week at church (still live at home).

Rhombus, it does count as real and it has affected you.

Maybe you watched it because you want to deal with this issue.

Maybe you didn't fight because you were embarrassed? scared? felt that you couldn't or it wouldn't matter anyway?

I do hope that you try therapy again. There are good therapists out there. Please continue to keep us posted on how you are doing?

[sane1logic1]

Are there other churches within reach? We mostly went to different ones the last few years I was at home.