[Lexicon78]

Every night I wait...wait for the memories, wait for the faces to appear, wait to feel him touching me, holding me down, kissing me. It's all in my mind, yes, but I still remember like it was yesterday.

I'm so used to being afraid to live that I do not know how to live a life without abuse. I crawl next to my bf every night, hoping that he won't do what the others have done...he never touches me, kisses me, or treats me like the others. It's a blessing to all the pain I've experienced. Was the Goddess looking out for me when I met him? She must've been.

The sad thing is I still expect the abuse to come. I wait for it because I know no life other than a life of abuse and neglect...but he never does that.

[Lexicon78]

OK, so I didn't speak...forget I ever posted.

I don't know how to respond which is why I didn't.
I hear your pain. I feel my pain. Yours reminds me of mine. It hurts. I'm sorry. It's not htat your pain doesn't matter, it's just that I don't know what I cans ay to make you feel any better and I am afraid that whatever I say might make you feel worse.
Caroline

[h0kie]

Once again, you need to be patient and wait for people to answer. I know its hard to be patient. I'm not a patient person myself. Many folks here work/go to school and can't be here during the day. If 24 hours passes and no one has commented then you can get upset. Really Lexi...we're not ignoring you or out to get you. I personally can't offer more than an "I'm sorry this happened to you", which is why I didn't say anything.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((Lexicon)))))))))))))))) I am sorry that I could not reply sooner but I work long hours and can only get on in the evening or sometimes not at all. Be assured that i do care.

I am sorry about t he pain you are enduring. I am glad that you have such an understanding boyfriend. It is wonderful that you found that support within the people who care about you. Please PM me if you need someone to talk to. Take care of yourself.

[Lexicon78]

Once again I sit here thinking of him...the monster. The night is when this all comes to me...he rubs me, pulls my shirt up, puts her hands on my breasts, grabs my wrist and forces my hands on hers...he will not let go, either. I need a way out...I tell him no over and over...reasoning doesn't work, kneeing him in the groin doesn't work...then he whispers to me, "who's gonna tell? I'm not gonna tell, she's not gonna tell, who's gonna tell?" I told on the monster.

He told me he thought it would get me hotter because I am bi. Is that my punishment for my sexual orientation?

I have tried everything to get this out of my head, but nothing helps for long.

[kimmydawn]

hmmm, i thought i posted this already? i guess it didn't go thru

lexicon, i can't respond to your last post becuase it's too triggering for me to discuss.

however, i'd like to respond to your first two. i'm sorry that the nitetime is so hard. i understand that too well...especially recently. i do hope that time and consistency will help to ease.

as far as not getting a quick response, please remember that ppl don't/can't respond for many reasons...it's too triggering to discuss, they don't have time atm for a lengthy response, they have to move away from puter alot (like me), etc. know that it's not you personally. also some ppl don't respond because they simply might not know what to say, fear further triggering the author or are simply shy posters. please try to understand and not get upset when you don't get responses in the time that you think you should. i know it's hard, but that happens regularly here.

be safe,

kd

[Lexicon78]

Can you delete this post since it's too triggery?

[Gemstone]

[kimmydawn]

lexicon,

just because a post is triggery for someone, does NOT mean it's a bad post or against guidelines. it was triggery for me. the reason that i explained that to you is because you were upset for lack of responses. therefore, i was explaining myself. it's that simple.

i wasn't saying that you or your post was too triggering to be here. i was stating why i couldn't respond to one as you'd been upset from lack of reponses.

be safe,

kd

[Lexicon78]

I just don't want to be banned for upsetting too many people. I don't want anyone to hurt because of me.

[kimmydawn]

lexicon,

check your pm's in a few.

kd

Lex, I'm really sorry this happened to you. That guy is a real whack.
You nor anybody deserves to be punished because of your sexual orientation.
That man is sick. He's the one who needs to be punished.
I feel very sad about this happening to you. I hope you can overcome it's aftermath. I hope it makes you a stronger person.
I'm here if you need to talk. PM me if you need to.
((((lex))))