[Lexicon78]

I've been through hell and back these last 5 years. I've been trying like hell to get past what my ex bf did to me and I can't seem to get past it. I've gone into detail before about him using my body to molest a child...a little girl. Do I have to forgive him to get past this trauma?

People tell me all the time that time will heal this but it hasn't. What I want to know is how do I get over it? I do not think I can forgive a monster like him. I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy, talk therapy, group therapy, roleplaying, DBT, you name it and I've done it to get over this, but nothing's working. I'm at my wits end about this. Any suggestions?

[kimmydawn]

well, i don't think forgiving him is that answer...i think forgiving yourself is a great place to start.

gl hon.

kd

[bipolar_bear]

You were not to blame. You were abused. Maybe you could start by forgiving yourself for things that were not your fault. You don't have to forgive him for what he has done. What he did was wrong. Try and be kind to yourself.

I've read allot of your posts and have allot of compassion. You often write descriptively about this incident expressing anger at the man; however, you write very much about your own self-hate. I'm wondering maybe if you should focus on if you feel guilt over the incident. Why do you feel self hate and confronting things within yourself. I agree forgiving yourself is the next step, but in order to do that, you have to look at what you are holding yourself accountable for. We all have weaknesses. To move beyond this, perhaps you need to confront yours. Take this all worth a grain of salt though.

[Lexicon78]

Thank you. Yes, I place a lot of blame on myself when it comes to this. I just think if I were not bi, that this wouldn't have happened. But if it weren't me, it would've probably have been someone else, right? Yes, I believe it.

[kimmydawn]

lexicon,

when i as asking so many why questions with t, i kept getting so stuck i could go no further. i had to figure out a way to get past that. it was one of the most difficult things in my therapy...not getting answers to the why's. i had to know that i'll never know the answers to these questions of the universe and deal with what had happened. i thought if i could answer the why's, i'd understand and justify it somehow.

the thing is, answers aren't going to justify that pain. they just aren't. we have to deal with the pain, etc. it's hard.

it's helped me so much to move past the "why's". i hope you can too. i just don't think there are answers sometimes.

be safe,

kd

Lex, YES, it would have been someone else. No doubt about it. Don't ever think you are some how RESPONSIBLE for HIS actions. You're not. You're not responsible for hurting the girl. He FORCED you to. YOu and the girl were both victims.
Stay strong Lex, don't let this slimey scum take you down to feel like you belong on his level. You cannot forgive him until you forgive yourself for being forced to do something you are horrified for doing. He wants you to hate yourself like he hates himself. He wanted to poison you with it. Like he was probably poisoned by someone else. Save yourself first.
I'm praying you find the stregnth to get through this. You will be victorious in the end. That day WILL come where you stand tall, strong and proud. Don't ever doubt that. Keep chipping away at it-you'll break free from him once and for all. (((((Lex))))