[whoswho]

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

I was only recently referred to this term and have become more or less obsessed with it. I have such difficulty discerning reality, to the point that I actively deny my memories. When I read this, I couldn't help thinking, "this sounds so familiar"...

I honestly don't know what's real anymore. I don't know what stories I've made up, when I'm lying, if I'm lying. What I think is true is apparently false. Everything is upside-down and I have to agree with my mom: I must be really crazy.

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced anything similar to this?

[googley]

I've had this happen with my dad. He kept telling me that what my mom did (emotional abuse) was not bad and wasn't what I thought it was. That her behaviors were excused by her problems and that I just needed to forgiver her and forget about what happened. It is really hard when the people who are supposed to protect us and support us are not there for us. I'm glad you reported it to the police. I'm sorry that your mom is not supporting you. That teacher should have reported what you said, no matter what your mother told her.

[purple_fins]

I'm sorry that "gaslighting" sounds familiar to you in your experiences.
I can relate too.

that is a huge trigger of mine-- someone trying to spin what happened into a different view.... the anxiety rises to such high levels... ugh....

I hope you have someone to talk to that you can trust-- that's what i found to be so so important. (a therapist, clergy person, partner, friend) I've finally got the courage to go to authorities, or those incharge, and have been surprised at how I've been listened to. I hope that you find that as well-- it's so important.
Like it's been said-- the truth will set you free.
I'm finding more and more peace by speaking my truths-- out loud-- and not letting those who's drive it is to abuse get away with it.

You can always write here and if you need to you can PM as well.

don't ever stop believing in yourself

fins

[geez]

whoswho I grew up this way. My mom was always in denial and there were many times I felt like I was going crazy (to this day she says I was a goody two shoes and she never spanked me or had to punish me??? - WTH- Really??? In my head I say... the daily beatings and being kicked, punched etc.. don't jog your memory??? but I digress ). Growing up I would often call friends while crying and telling them what I just experienced because I couldn't figure out what the hell just happened (I would get picked apart for doing something?anything was a reason for my mom to hurt me physically, verbally or otherwise - no matter the lack of logic on her part over literally nothing in any sane persons mind). I needed to tell someone before it left my memory or I lost my memory. Several years later said friend would tell me some of the things I told her when I would call her crying and it was like she was talking about another person and thought that really happened??? I hope this is making sense

Many hugs ((whoswho)). Wishing you peace.

[whoswho]

Thanks for the responses.

It's just become difficult for me to discern what is real. And that scares me.

My mom would tell me one thing then swear she never said that.

I would tell her something but she would later deny knowing anything about it. But after she swears she never knew, she says that she was doing everything to protect me? Protect me from what--if she didn't know?

I don't even know anymore. I was too young at the time to have a clear idea of what was going on, anyway. I could only see what happened and not understand why. But now I'm not sure if what I thought I knew was even real. It's like I was sitting on a merry-go-round and someone came up and gave it a good push; the world is spinning out of control. I'm so disoriented. Everything is in a simultaneous state of being true and not true. Is that even possible? And what's more, is it even possible to separate the two? I don't know anything anymore.

[geez]

((whoswho)) I had a conversation today with T about mothers and daughters and often times mothers have a different perspective and 'memory' if you will. It doesn't however make it hurt any less. Many hugs and peace.

[Bill3]

What I think is true is apparently false. Everything is upside-down and I have to agree with my mom: I must be really crazy....It's just become difficult for me to discern what is real.

Are any disinterested parties questioning your perceptions? Or, as in Gas Light, is it only those who have an interest in you doubting your perceptions?

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by geez

((whoswho)) I had a conversation today with T about mothers and daughters and often times mothers have a different perspective and 'memory' if you will. It doesn't however make it hurt any less. Many hugs and peace.

That's what worries me more than anything... I really could just be remembering things differently, wrongly. Then I know nothing is real and I'm just as insane as my mom says I am.

Originally Posted by Bill3

Are any disinterested parties questioning your perceptions? Or, as in Gas Light, is it only those who have an interest in you doubting your perceptions?

That's what made me wonder in the first place. Wouldn't it be so much easier if my brother hadn't done the things he did? It is probably easier for my mom to say I'm imagining things than to admit she raised a monster like him... or, at least, to even see him as being a monster. But when I went to the police to finally, after all these years, make a report, she acted like the stereotypical shocked mom who never knew... How could she not know? I never stopped telling her! But she says she never knew... So I don't know. Maybe I didn't say it right. Maybe she didn't know because of some failing of mine. I just don't know.

[geez]

Originally Posted by whoswho

That's what worries me more than anything... I really could just be remembering things differently, wrongly. Then I know nothing is real and I'm just as insane as my mom says I am.

((whoswho)) I to have had these thoughts that I'm going insane. Growing up it was really intense living with my parents and I would always question my perception of reality. The reason I questioned my perceptions is because the way I was being treated didn't make sense to me. Logically I didn't do anything wrong to deserve such treatment... and yet I would try harder and harder to be invisible... to not be seen so I wouldn't be hit.

My mom has a different version of reality. A version that she needs to have for her own sanity I believe. I'm betting you aren't insane just as I am not insane. Wishing you much peace (((((whoswho)))))

Yes, very familiar. I lived my life with gaslighting always happening. It still happens. Though I am an adult now, certain family members have the ability to make me doubt my every reality. I never did know for certain what was real....probably never will... My T described my situation as "crazy making".
I'm very sorry you have experienced this also. It's a hard way to survive.

whoswho
I am sorry...I didn't see your whole post and I'm still a bit confused by it. If something happened, and you aren't sure what to believe, as hard as it sounds, trust your gut.
I am the last person who should give advice about gaslighting though. I gave up the fight for reality, and justifying myself. I exist in what ever fashion the people around me see me. It takes too much effort to be seen or to see what is real.

[Miracle1986]

wow... this has happened to me for as long as I can remember... and now I can put a name to it.
that is incredible!
Thank you whoswho!!!

[Bill3]

That's what made me wonder in the first place. Wouldn't it be so much easier if my brother hadn't done the things he did? It is probably easier for my mom to say I'm imagining things than to admit she raised a monster like him... or, at least, to even see him as being a monster.

I would think so.

But when I went to the police to finally, after all these years, make a report, she acted like the stereotypical shocked mom who never knew...

That is consistent with the above.

How could she not know? I never stopped telling her!

Just as you said: to know would be to admit that she raised a monster.

But she says she never knew... So I don't know. Maybe I didn't say it right. Maybe she didn't know because of some failing of mine. I just don't know.

As you said above, it is no doubt easier for her to deny than to admit the truth. Like most people, her mind can forget or bury what is too painful to admit. This is one reason for you to trust your perceptions and recollections rather than what she says about hers.