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#1
Nov 16, 2005, 01:38 PM
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I have not been sleeping at night... I have body rememberance... my rectum hurts. I remember on of the times my mother took me to the doctors...I was young, the doctor told her I had something wrong with me. I remember her going to the drug store getting phisohex to wash me in my private parts. I burned it hurt.. but I as already hurting down there anyway. My mom did not know the real stuff that was going on with me. I just use to sit on my bed and wait for the end of the world to come. No I am still waiting for the end to come....
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#2
Nov 16, 2005, 01:43 PM
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Lilith.. I really don't have anything to offer, except my support. I'm sorry you have had to hurt (and still are hurting
 ) so badly. Please PM me anytime you feel like you need someone to talk to .. I'll be there to listen.
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"There are things we need to forget and forgive, Sometimes we have to try and shed the damage we don't need." Silverchair- All Across The World |
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#3
Nov 16, 2005, 02:26 PM
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I am so sorry for your suffering, Lillith. When I read your post it really just fueled my fire. If I said anymore about it.I'd really go off. I just cannot for the life of me see how anyone could harm a child. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
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 dottie |
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#4
Nov 16, 2005, 03:40 PM
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(((((((((((Lillith))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for all the pain you had to walk through. You are truely cared about here!
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#5
Nov 16, 2005, 03:50 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((lilith))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm very sorry for your pain. Kd
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#6
Nov 16, 2005, 05:23 PM
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(((((((lilith))))))))) I'm very sorry for your pain and what you had to go thru.
/hazeleyes |
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#7
Nov 16, 2005, 09:33 PM
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(((((((((((((Lillith))))))))))))))
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 His & Hers Depression Blog http://his-hers.ozzieblackcat.com/ Avon Website http://youravon.com/susanking |
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#8
Nov 16, 2005, 09:56 PM
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(((((((((((((((Lilith)))))))))))))))) I am so sorry for what you did and are going through. We are here to support you the best we can.
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#9
Nov 17, 2005, 11:39 PM
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Lilith,
This is the first time I have seen such an honest posting about body memories. Thank you. . .you encourage me. Gracey
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You are not too much for them. They are not enough for you. ~E. Bennings |
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#10
Nov 18, 2005, 03:18 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((Lilith))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry. |
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#11
Nov 18, 2005, 04:59 AM
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I remember too. Be strong;I share your pain. We shall overcome. Hard lessons taught to survive, the weak could never imagine the suffering we endured. If even the purpose of the pain had a deeper meaning; we still will survive; making it more than a tragedy. Veiw life's tragedys as a lesson for happiness and your world will change.
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"The Essence Of Greatness Is The Ability To Chose Personal Fulfillment In Circumstances Where Others Chose Madness." |
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#12
Nov 18, 2005, 08:27 AM
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Oh Lllith, confused, hurting, and sitting in bed waiting for the end of the world: you have described my childhood. I got taken to the Dr. about something wrong down there when I was 3 or 4. It's all pretty blocked out, but, when Mom took me to the toy store for being a good girl, I puked on their floor. As an adult, when I asked Mom what that Dr visit was about, she didn't recall. Anything. Not even me puking in public. I thought I was gonna die. I thought my father was gonna kill me. I thouht that if I could just live till I was 18 and could get away from my family and the horror of school everything would be ok. Wrong!!! But, at least the thought kept me going during that period of my life. At some point I got turned on to the concept: right here and right now, in this very moment, I'm ok. Breath with that thought. To stay out of the past and the future and learn to "be here now". Kinda give myself a little relief. As the years have gone by and I've been able to create a safe space physically for myself to live in, this concept of being ok has expanded. I actually feel safer more than I feel unsafe!!! Can you believe it? And I've developed lots of habits to comfort myself when I freak. I have decorated my space with things that make me smile so I can just look around to distract myself. For instance: My lamps are ones I bought at thrift stores that are stuffed animals turned into lights. these i have dressed up in funny glasses, hats, accutraments. They are jsut so silly they crack me up and lift my mood and get me through the moment. As for body memories, I've tried to reclaim my body by covering bad memories with good/safe/self induced rituals. Comfort my hurt parts. Baths with favorite smells really get me through big kaka. I feel like I spent my whole childhood holding my beath. Learning to breath and then remembering to breath -- I work on it every day. Another thing that is easy and handy and works for me is looking through catalogs. I go through the trash at the post office and pick up all kinds of interesting stuff. I not only distract myself, I learn something as well. Hang in there, it can move, it really can.
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#13
Nov 18, 2005, 11:35 AM
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Thank you for your support! I really need it.
Lilith
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#14
Nov 18, 2005, 11:43 AM
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This is very painful stuff for me. I am now flooded with sorrow and pain. I just recently got a new therapist who specializes in PTSD and DID. I appreiciate your support.
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