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Old Dec 04, 2007, 10:34 AM
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StargazerLily StargazerLily is offline
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i remember what it feels like to have that urge. its been so long. i can almost see myself. it almost feels good to have this craving, i dont get it. its like something has been missing.

i havent done anything yet. i have everything thought out in my mind of where things are if it comes to that.

i thought i was done with this
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i remember now


Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you.

-John Irving

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  #2  
Old Dec 04, 2007, 01:34 PM
girlN girlN is offline
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I have those same feelings. i miss cutting sssoooo much sometimes and i haven't done it in almost 2 years. just about every time i shave my legs i break down and cry b/c those feelings and thoughts are so intense and i know how every step of the ritual would go. it is hard but i feel good knowing i don't have to resort to these behaviors i now write when i get the urge to "bleed" myself as i used to call it. i hope you find these feelings passing. just know people are here for you. hugs and hope.
  #3  
Old Dec 04, 2007, 04:31 PM
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StargazerLily StargazerLily is offline
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too late now

i got trashed and tore my legs up
i dont know how long its been but its back
i got a secret to keep now
i dunno how i will hide this now from bf

we are real close and intimate a lot

i dunno
cant think too good now

still trashy
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i remember now


Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you.

-John Irving
  #4  
Old Dec 05, 2007, 03:06 AM
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Christina86 Christina86 is offline
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Hey ((((((((((((Lily)))))))))))))))))

Nice to see you again... wish it was under better circumstances. i remember now

Okay, so you did something you regret. You can get through this, get back on the horse and try for a longer time not self-injuring.

I hope your boyfriend understands - I'm sure he cares about you, he's probably just scared because he probably doesn't completely understand. If he notices, try to sit down and talk to him.

i remember now I've missed you. Drop me a line, anytime.
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i remember now
  #5  
Old Dec 05, 2007, 11:05 AM
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StargazerLily StargazerLily is offline
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he has cut maybe once or twice.

its so hard to hide from someone your so close to. it was easier when i was with my parents because i was hardly around the house and what would they be doing looking at my legs.

i want to tell him, cause we share so much of everything but i dont feel like i can. there wasnt any reasoning about it. if i show him he's going to think its his fault and he will be angry at me.

this is diffferent than before, i cant even think how long its been.

he was already mad enough at me when he came home and he could smell the liquor on my breath.

i dunno, i cant explain this to him. i'll just have to hide until its healed and the scars will all blend in in time.
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i remember now


Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you.

-John Irving
  #6  
Old Dec 05, 2007, 11:15 AM
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StargazerLily StargazerLily is offline
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should i also add that it wasnt just si but there was thoughts of s------ too. its been even longer since i've felt like that
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i remember now


Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you.

-John Irving
  #7  
Old Dec 05, 2007, 12:14 PM
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Christina86 Christina86 is offline
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((((((((((Lily))))))))))))
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i remember now
  #8  
Old Dec 05, 2007, 12:29 PM
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StargazerLily StargazerLily is offline
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sorry
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i remember now


Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you.

-John Irving
  #9  
Old Dec 13, 2007, 01:31 PM
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Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
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Lily, please talk to someone. Those feelings come back for a reason, and will keep coming back until you get it worked out. You deserve more from life.

TC,
Rap
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
– John H. Groberg

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