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#1
Dec 04, 2007, 10:34 AM
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i remember what it feels like to have that urge. its been so long. i can almost see myself. it almost feels good to have this craving, i dont get it. its like something has been missing.
i havent done anything yet. i have everything thought out in my mind of where things are if it comes to that. i thought i was done with this
__________________
 Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#2
Dec 04, 2007, 01:34 PM
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I have those same feelings. i miss cutting sssoooo much sometimes and i haven't done it in almost 2 years. just about every time i shave my legs i break down and cry b/c those feelings and thoughts are so intense and i know how every step of the ritual would go. it is hard but i feel good knowing i don't have to resort to these behaviors i now write when i get the urge to "bleed" myself as i used to call it. i hope you find these feelings passing. just know people are here for you. hugs and hope.
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#3
Dec 04, 2007, 04:31 PM
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too late now
i got trashed and tore my legs up i dont know how long its been but its back i got a secret to keep now i dunno how i will hide this now from bf we are real close and intimate a lot i dunno cant think too good now still trashy
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#4
Dec 05, 2007, 03:06 AM
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Hey ((((((((((((Lily)))))))))))))))))
Nice to see you again... wish it was under better circumstances.  Okay, so you did something you regret. You can get through this, get back on the horse and try for a longer time not self-injuring. I hope your boyfriend understands - I'm sure he cares about you, he's probably just scared because he probably doesn't completely understand. If he notices, try to sit down and talk to him.  I've missed you. Drop me a line, anytime.
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#5
Dec 05, 2007, 11:05 AM
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he has cut maybe once or twice.
its so hard to hide from someone your so close to. it was easier when i was with my parents because i was hardly around the house and what would they be doing looking at my legs. i want to tell him, cause we share so much of everything but i dont feel like i can. there wasnt any reasoning about it. if i show him he's going to think its his fault and he will be angry at me. this is diffferent than before, i cant even think how long its been. he was already mad enough at me when he came home and he could smell the liquor on my breath. i dunno, i cant explain this to him. i'll just have to hide until its healed and the scars will all blend in in time.
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#6
Dec 05, 2007, 11:15 AM
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should i also add that it wasnt just si but there was thoughts of s------ too. its been even longer since i've felt like that
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#7
Dec 05, 2007, 12:14 PM
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((((((((((Lily))))))))))))
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#8
Dec 05, 2007, 12:29 PM
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sorry
__________________
Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you. -John Irving |
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#9
Dec 13, 2007, 01:31 PM
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Lily, please talk to someone. Those feelings come back for a reason, and will keep coming back until you get it worked out. You deserve more from life.
TC, Rap
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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