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#1
Mar 10, 2011, 09:48 PM
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Hi, I'm new. Starting today.
Ok, so I need to know if this is considered a verbally abusive relationship or not.  Or any relationship advice would be nice.I've been married for almost a year, and it seems that whenever I do something wrong, whether big or small, my husband immediately feels like he has to punish me like a little child. He says stuff like "I don't know if I can trust you anymore" even when the mistake is I forgot to walk the dog... He also always whispers "stupid" or "dumb" under his breath and when we get in arguments he never listens to me. Instead he says things like "How could you be so dumb?" or "That was a stupid thing to do" Whenever I ask him for help too, he can get very impatient because he thinks I'm not as smart as him and he just gets frustrated and stops helping me and treats me like I'm stupid. He always brings up mistakes I've done in the past too to make me feel worse. Because of all this, I am frequently scared to death to ask him for anything or to express my opinion. I have incredibly low self-esteem and a self-image (I have all my life but now it has just worse). Every time he gets mad at me I always think it's my fault. I am constantly beating up on myself and considering suicide. I always feel like I am contributing nothing to the world and I'm just a waste of space. He seems to not care that he has hurt my feelings, instead he just asks me to grow up and stop being so immature. Then he says "oh I'm sorry.. I should be a better husband blah blah blah, I need to change".... but then it's the same thing the next time I make a mistake. He isn't trying to change at all. He also things I have bipolar disorder and He has said that he wants to be with someone "who has a control on their emotions and who isn't bipolar". I don't have bipolar disorder. I do have depression and anxiety though. A good example is I just barely got in a car accident and the first thing on my mind was - "Ryan (my husband) is going to be so mad and he's going to kill me and he's going think I'm so stupid." I wasn't even care if I was hurt or not or anything. And sure enough, right when I told him he just said "you don't know how incredibly mad I am at you right now. Why were you acting so stupid?! You don't care about our property or anything" Which was NOT the case! It was a honest mistake! Shouldn't the first thing he says be, "are you ok"?! I know I'm not suppose to be scared of my husband! I want us to be equal and to treat each other like we're equal and to build each other up. I want to feel like I can come to him for anything. Thank you for reading my long rant, I'm sorry it was so long.  Please help me.And please help me know if I need to get out of this or if it can be fixed. Last edited by Christina86; Mar 10, 2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason: added trigger icon |
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#2
Mar 11, 2011, 07:10 AM
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I'm not an expert, but it sounds like verbal/emotional abuse to me. I personally don't believe that abusive individuals can be fixed and unfortunately, in my experience, they tend to escalate. It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong here...are you in therapy?
Hang in there and welcome to PC
__________________
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#3
Mar 11, 2011, 07:47 AM
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He doesn't sound like any fun at all. Seriously what is the point to staying married to him except that we should value marriage vows?
Do you have a therapist?
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#4
Mar 11, 2011, 12:39 PM
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Hi Kenzie, this doesn't sound good at all. This is no way to live. Sounds like he needs to do a lot of work to get better and he isn't even seeking help. You deserve better. Please keep us posted.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Mar 12, 2011, 11:08 PM
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no I don't have a therapist.
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#6
Mar 13, 2011, 09:58 AM
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in my humble opinion, he's emotionally and verbally abusive. this probably won't change. i encourage you to get help. the abuse can escalate. i don't feel you will find happiness in your marriage. he's making you feel "less than". it happened to me in my marriage and i lost any sense of self worth. it took time for me to overcome this in therapy. i did seek help. even a support group. it enabled me to gain the courage to leave him. i learned he thought of me as his possession, not an equal partner in the marriage. i wish you well.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#7
Mar 14, 2011, 09:11 AM
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It sounds like he has Narcissistic personality disorder to me, personally I think that you should leave him, he obviously shows and acts like he doesn't wish to be with you.
You deserve better than that>
__________________
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