I'm not sure where to post this. I guess these feelings/fears are coming from being abused as a child.

Anyway, I live in a row home. Next door to me lives a woman, a drunken husband and 3 small children. 2 boys and 1 girl.

The girl's bedroom is in the back, next door to the room where I sleep. Almost every Thursday night-I hear her scream. About 3 oclock in the morning. Sometimes I'll hear the door close before hand or after the scream. Sometimes it's a couple of screams. I'm scared for her.
Like I said, the father is a total drunk. Eyes always blood shot to hell and staggering and slurring his words. I find him passed out on my front steps some mornings if the mother hasn't already kicked him off of them.

My bio-father was a drunk and when he was he was abusive to us kids. He also molested us.

So, I'm woken up by her screams and I keep reassuring myself that she just had a bad dream or something but my stomache churns thinking "What if..."
Do you think I'm over reacting? Do you think I should investigate and if you do-how?
I can't call the cops 'cause I don't know what's going on. Her mother scares me. She's very loud and won't hesitate to yell, curse or make a scene if, God forbid, I had the nerve to talk to her about it. So, that's out of the question.
What would you do? Should I put a glass to the wall and listen more carefully to see what's going on?
I dont' know what to do.
Please, any suggestions.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

This is a hard one but I would call DSS and report the screams and times..I do not THINK? you have to give a name ...but for the kids sake I would do that...You cannot talk to people like her mom and dad it is useless but DSS INVESTIGATING could help..I feel for you too cause it has to trigger stuff for you too....Maybe if you can through the wall record the screams HOW SAD

you can go to your local DHS office and ask to speack to someone in child welfare. Then explain to the DHS worker what is going on. you hope that it turns out to be nothing but because of your background of being abused you needed to report it just in case. The worker will go to the childs school and talk to the child and then talk to the parents and let them know that an abuse report has been made and the outcome of the investigation - nothing has happened or that they need to refer the case for more in depth investigation in which case the child in question and the other children in the home will be placed in temporary foster case for three months while the case is being investigated. After the childs removal the parents will be told they were found to have been abusing the child, court hearings and so on, Depending on the extent of the abuse they will have the chance to get the children back if they comply with classes and so on.

I'd like to know for sure that something bad is happening before I did that.
I'm hoping I'm just over reacting.

You don't think these could be screams from a nightmare? You know how kids are. She's not even in school yet. She's still only like 4 years old.

there is no way of knowing for sure. an abuser is not going to say yes I abuse my girl and the girl if she is being abused has most likely been threatend not to tell so even if you ask her she is going to say no. Leave it to the professionals to investigate otherwise if she is being abused and the father finds out you talked to her about it he can coime back on you saying you did it and the child being afraid of father will say anything he tells her to. Leave it to the professionals to find out if she is being abused or not that is their job and they have been trained on how to do it with out putting stress and ideas into the childs/parents heads.

Okay, I hear you. This is not going to be easy.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

No I don't think it is just nightmares but I could be wrong but I doubt it...It will be hard yes but so will it to know that MAYBE this kid is being messed with..It is a ****** spot to be in

No its not going to be easy. Ive reported my share of abuse situations. But each time I know Im doing the right thing. I am always relieved to find it turned out to be nothing and I have been very relieved when I save a child from future years of abuse..

[jmo531]

Jax,

I know this must be hard for you. On one hand you dont want to over react to this and on the other, you want to save this child from possible abuse.

I was abused as a child just as you were. Think back......wouldn't you have welcomed someone voicing their concerns if it was our screams they heard?

I believe it is our duty to report any suspected child abuse of any kind. The outcome could be that this child is having nightmares. I sure hope that is the case, but what if it's not? What if she is being abused?

I know in your heart you know what is right. I am behind you 100 %. Please keep us posted on this.

Huggles,

Jen

[Overcastbutclearing]

Jax....I know how scarey it is.
Calling DYFS is your best option.
Even if it is nothing...better to know!

please call. You don't have to know for sure. That is why the authorities will go and investigate. You don't have to know everything. You just have to care about the child... because someone else might not be.

Ok. I sent them an email. We'll see what happens.
I went to the public library and sent them one from there. This way they can't trace the tip off to me. I didn't say I lived next door to them either, I wrote I'm friends with someone who use to rent a room next door to them and they talked about it. I don't know if they'll see through that lie but as long as I'm nowhere on the report-I figure, I'm safe.
What do you think? Is this too sneaky or what?

Ps, Thank you, everybody for helping me out with this. I really appreciate you pushing me along to what I felt I should do. ((((((((hugs)))))))))

[jennie]

I'd call Child Protective Services and leave an anonymous complaint that father is a drunk and you hear early-morning screams from a child every Thursday. Child Protective Services are required to investigate every complaint.

Hi Jennie,
I did email the Dept. of social services.
I'll look up the number for Child protective services, though, just in case.
Thank you.

[CatWhispers]

I wouldn't investigate or get involved personally. However...

Please call child welfare, or DSS, or whatever agency in your area that deals with child abuse and report it. It is my understanding that these calls are kept confidential, can even be anonymous (call from a pay phone) and they would never know you were the one that called.

Once you do that, it is out of your hands. And so is the guilt.

I have to live with the knowledge that there was not one person in the world who cared enough about me to help me. Or even at least try.

So to this day, and I'm in my 50's, I resent and have nothing to do with my family, and still cannot maintain a relationship or trust anyone.

Please don't let this happen to another child, especially if you can report it anonymously.

You may be wrong, and they may be a little put out.

But think of the consequences if you are right and do nothing. Not only to the child, but to you.

[CatWhispers]

Ooops, sorry, I'm still finding my way around the site and missed some of the posts.

I'm really glad you sent the emails. Thank you.

I appreciate the courage it took to make the decision and do it.

And sneaky, shmeaky. You were able to help her and keep yourself safe at the same time, and that's all that counts.

[hillbunnyb]

Jax, Hi, It sounds like this is tormenting you. It would torment me. My Dad was a nightcrawling pedophile. The thing about Thursday's-- is the mother out on thursdays? Drunk Daddy have bowling league? Too weird for me to believe it's "just" a nightmare. I've had night terrors since I was in diapers. (They used to peel me off the window sills....) Is there a crisis line for youth in your area? I think I would call them and ask for advice. Dealing with drunks is for the pros....I'd recommend you cover your butt with anonymity if you choose to report.
Most officials understand these things: they get lots of practice, unfortunately. Given your description of the parents, I'd say the kid needs help one way or the other. Can you find peace without finding out the truth? I'm sending you courage and protection and tons of care. This is the pits of a situation to be in. I don't envy you at all. I hope you get through this soon. I'm concerned for you both. Keep us posted, ok?