[hillbunnyb]

As a kid, I used to beg my mother to admit to me that I was adopted. I couldn't/didn't want to go to where I had to go to integrate that my actual real biological father could do such things to his own daughter, a tiny infant. YUK. Then, during a time when I was knee deep in an incest survivors group, I had a new memory that pushed my credibility with myself: 1) it wasn't daddy dearest. 2) I was a newborn, 5 weeks early and 5 pounds big, surrounded by white, like a day old, in the hospital. (I've never told this one before.) My senses, ie: my body gave this memory up. so,there i am, i assume in the nursery, all glarey white, two big things by my crib (men), voices, laughter, the words "watch this", then instead of a bottle of milk, i had something else in my little hand and mouth.... their laughtr, my going rigid, blank.... whew, this memory, i scared myself, Oh god, I've really crossed the line this time....... how in god's name could I remember ???? not to mention, who would do such a horrible gross thing??? I really dumbfounded myself, and was scared i was loosing what was left of my mind. fortnately, i live in redwood country and the trees gave me an image i could live with: these huge, 300 foot, ancient trees bear the scars: the memories of everthing they've survived is in them: fires, drought, lightening strikes, wet years, whatever... all right there in and on the tree. i figured, if they can remember hundreds and even thousands of years.... i guess i can make room in my head to be able to remember back 40.... though, i must admit, it still makes me shake my head, wanting to disbelieve. then i think, heck, i couln't make this s--t up. my god. it was so impersoal, i was like a gadget to them. then, to be taken home to my fathers domaine.... it's like i became a moving target for scumbags to take advantage of, like they could see me coming or something. so, now we get to my hypothesis: our physical energy field, or aura gets torn. it's like, if parents, family, community, society, etc. love, support, protect, honor, encourage, etc. a child, it has a sense of self that is strong. Allowed to be a self-defined being, with respected boundaries, this little critter puts out a vibe of expecting to be respected. Other people feel it unconsciously and keep their distance as it were. On the other hand, those of us who were not respected, whose life experience has taught us to expect the worst, well, i think that gets into our auras and scumbags pick up on it and take advantage. Give us what we expect. So, we have to start from scratch and consciously do for ourselves the honoring and respecting of our needs and wants (so we can even figure out what they are) and create a knowing of ourselves that presents itself (in our auras) as boundaries to be respected by the world.piece by piece put pur pieces in places where we want them. ya know? ok, time for cocoa now. hope this made sense to somebody.

[dottie]

I have recurrent memories of my Mother taking me for walks in my baby buggy. I remember drinking milk out of a bottle.I remember lots of crying and shouting. Yes. It definitely happens to some people. The mind is a mysterious frontier.

TGC

hilbuny
makes perfect sense. had a bad "dream" that wasn't a dream--a flashback of being in a crib...dark...something/someone heavy on top of me...squirming trying to get away....being grabbed...being smothered...something on my face...can't yell, can't get away...being told shhhh...my husband woke me...said I was gasping making strange sounds...don't know where it would have gone...to scared to go back there...but at the same time need to know(??)
Prism

[(JD)]

The brain is amazing, and how it stores and uses memory is also. Years ago the "experts" didn't think anyone could have memories before a certain age... now that they have mapped the brain itself, and science has expanded, they are finding out that isn't true. I'm sorry you have such memories... and hope that you are able to work on the terrible things that happened... they aren't who you are, but something another did to you...

[sara1010]

Actually? Everything you saw, touched, smelled, heard felt emotionally is recorded in your brain. Research was done years ago before the advent of wonder drugs to control epilepsy, on the human brain. The patient was emobilized by drugs and the cortex was exposed and mild electrical shocks were administered to various places on the cortex. The patients, being awake, reported being able to see, hear, feel different episodes that happened years before. What the doctor was actually trying to do was to stop seizures in these patients, but he also discovered that the brain saves everything.

Considering your memory from infancy, in the book I recently finished the author talked about a patient's recurring dream which was beginning to disturb her. She reported that she was being smothered by these great big, soft swirling blobs that would hang above her. LOL! Well maybe it wasn't funny in the dream, but man, I'll never look at another large breasted woman with kids the same ever again. That's right, they figured since her mother was a rather large woman in that area, the swirling white orbs were her breasts as this woman had been breastfed right from birth. In addition, her mother also tended to be a bit brusque with the breastfeeding sessions, and so making an impression on her baby that wasn't really the most positive. Go figure.