I want a "Normal" Life:(

........

((((Ardmore)))) I've been where you are. Somewhat different circumstances but abuse non the less. I had the feeling of no matter what I do it's destined to fail. I desperately tried to strategize in my mind quietly what I could do differently or do better so I wouldn't get beat or yelled at. When I wasn't thinking of a strategy I was hiding to try and stay as invisible as possible. In the quiet moments I thought perhaps this was the last time. Perhaps this is over once and for all. I know what that feels like to be in survival mode and not try to make waves for fear of what will happen in addition to giving up all hope and feeling hopeless.

There are people on the 'outside' who can and will help you just as we are here supporting you virtually (I know that may be hard to believe right now). Your family is sick (especially if your parents aren't doing anything about this). You can trust that he will hurt you again only you may not wake up. Please fight for yourself. We are all hear to help you and offer support. We are cheering you on. Please, Please talk to someone outside your family and get as many people involved: police, counselor at school, child protection etc....

Sending a million hugs and comforting thoughts .

Fighting for yourself is bad?

The people around me make me feel so.

So why should you believe them? Are they people who set a good example?

Its not that I believe, it the fact that if I do something to him, they will look at me like I'm a attention seeker, it has happened in the past and it will happen if I do

The sad part about not doing anything is that you are enabling your older brother to get worse with the illness that he has....enabling his to develop more because he keeps getting away with what he's doing without any consequences.

I understand your fear.....but there comes a time when it gets bad enough that action on your part IS NECESSARY. You will actually be helping your brother if he realizes that there are consequences to his behavior than to continue allowing him to get away with it.

I would talk to some authorities & ask them for suggestions of what to do in situations like that to start with.....the authorities can give you ideas that maybe none of us know about.

I am very sad that your parents are closing their eyes to all of this & aren't taking action....but maybe they don't know what to do either & no one is willing to get your brother the help he really needs.

Maybe JAIL would be the start of getting him the help he needs....many times when someone is arrested for something....the judge requires that treatment is part of the sentence....so that they will get the help they need rather than just being thrown into jail.

YOUR BROTHER NEEDS HELP....sticking your head in the sand won't help your brother or you.

It matters what they think?

Ardmore,
Well, I appologize I thought you were a girl, just went by your avatar. Sorry.
As far as your not wanting to fight back and being tired of it, well, I can truely understand that. You are more passive and somehow you know it will only add to it instead.

There are a couple of things going on here. You brother being 18 is in that stage called raging hormones and it can get pretty hard to control and the testasterone levels can be very high. A lot of guys have trouble burning that off and that is where many sports come in handy. So, he has a lot of pent up energy and unfortunately your a prime target.

So what you have to do, seeing that your parents are not understanding it at all is you have to find time away from that brother. Hopefully he will be going off to College next year and be out of your life for a bit.

Now I dont know how long he has been like this, but given his age, it is obviously getting worse. And the fact that he is trying to make some life decisions about what comes next after High School, well, he is being pressured by that too.

I still say that you HAVE TO FIND WAYS OF NOT BEING AROUND HIM. I hope you don't share a room with him and have your own room.

I do feel that you should go to a guidance councelor and tell that councelor what is going on and perhaps that councelor can form a plan with you in ways to help you NOT BE AROUND YOUR BROTHER. I am sure that he or she can work with you on areas where you have interests and find ways to help you manage to be active in ways that are beneficial and also provide a haven as well.

Now, you could just go to the councelor and just see if there are things that you could get involved in without necessarily expressing the situation at first. You may just use that service as a guide for ways to find outlets. You can think about what scedule you would need to have take place to keep you out of exposure to your brother. Now summer is coming and not many days left of school and that may mean that you may be left home with your brother due to school being out. Dont let that happen, fill up that time, even if it may mean taking summer classes to make the next year easier, less subjects to take, less credits to fill.

You have to learn how to do this for yourself. It could be a good life lesson as there are bullies everywhere and you will have to find ways around that. If you can't fight it with your fist, well, fight it with productive ways that will help you progress without constantly having to be put in positions where you are left with a bully.
It could mean a boss someday or a student down the hall in a college dorm, so, use your brain, you have one.

Use the time you have left in school to see what you can do for the summer.

Open Eyes

I think it is more then raging hormones and I'm sure that Ardmore has used the technique of trying to avoid his brother. This guy sounds like he is a psychopath. What decent human being beats his brother up viciously?

I have but it doesn't work:#:#

Thank you and no harm done

Ardmore - I keeping you in my thoughts! Sorry this is so tough right now!

Thank you

I would say he is narcissistic. It doesnzt matter what you do or say, he will be right. He claims you are either lying, you have a mental problem or are just plain stupid and deserve it all. The sad thing for him is, it`s not true and those who believe him are scared of him also. He has them under control. I would suggest getting a teacher, friend`s parent, neighbor or someone to go with you to the Dept of Human Health and talk to someone there. I know how you feel, my brother and sister both had been taught how to manipulate, humiliate, threaten and destroy people they saw were above them. You are above your brother and all the people who sit back and allow it. He is wanting to see your anger. Until you get help, don`t let him see it. Cat`s don`t play with the mouse after they`ve killed it. Play dead, so too speak. Don`t talk, don`t fight back and stay to youurself as nuch as you can.

(((Ardmore))) Based on what everyone has posted do you have some more clarity on the situation? It can be very hard to make that first step of getting help and bravo for posting here. Finding support here is just one step of many and if you need a pocket rider for when you do talk to someone IRL we are here.

I can see how difficult this would be for you. You are 16 and want the support of your family and don't want to do anything that would make them support you less.

I hope you're alright now. Your brother is one nasty bully. He needs a taste of his own medicine. He could kill someone if he keeps doing that. I was abused by mum too. It's not nice. Urgh some people.... Anyway, sending you love and hugs

I'm alright now, thank you for your kindness

You're welcome