It's working

I have been doing some tough ( I don't have to tell you how tough) trauma work with my pdoc/sexual trauma specialists of a year.I am embarrassed and find it very hard to say sometimes the littlest things or things that I feel are abnormal feelings. He lets me e-mail him whatever I want if that helps. When the words finally come out, he has a way of making me feel comforted and understood even if I still feel like my feelings are weird. He doesn't " do " touch but I feel wrapped up in such caring and acceptance that it is ok. I know that there will probably be some rough spots we will have to get through and everything won't always feel so nurturing but I hope I can always remember this time. I wish I knew what makes him so different from the one I was with for 20 years and probably saved my life. He left abruptly but I had a great relationship with him and he probably got me to the point I could do this work. I could never have done this work with him.

One thing that has helped me is everyone here and the tremendous courage you show. I realize I have just started, but I couldn't have even begun without reading your stories and your support. Thank you for sharing both the good and the bad and the difficulties and successes. You have given me the strength to start to this work.

I hope you all have a enjoyable long weekend.

I am so happy that you are doing so well with the trauma work. It is so hard, and you are very strong for pushing through it!! I know what you mean by feeling wrapped up in the caring. Sometimes I think T hugs me with words
Keep on going...you are doing great!!
Have a great weekend too!

thank you so much for your wonderful words of positive hope. it is so encouraging to hear success. we often shriek out in pain, but not as often share our victories. i am SO glad to hear yours. we who have been through abuse spend too many years in shame and misery. you are right, it is sheer courage of we survivors along with equally brave therapists who win this long battle in the end. God bless you.

My T knows my old T used to give me hugs, but he doesn't. One day I used your exact words( through my tears) that I felt hugged by his words. He said " That's how I meant them."

I think I forget sometimes how hard my therapist works to help this happen for me and who knows how many others. Thanks for the reminder.

I'm proud of you Nannypat - the journey is tough, but you have found the help you need! You took in the first step, which can be the hardest, and that takes strength! I hope you hang on to that strength and keep working to find the healing you deserve! I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending good vibes your way!

Thank you csc. It seems so good to hear those words" I am proud of you". What I would have given to hear them at least once when I was growing up and trying to be good enough and when I was married and trying to be good enough. I just never was. Thank you.

I understand the longing to hear those words, even just once - you were always good enough! Those thoughts and feelings are so hard to let go. You are more than good enough now, just like you were then! Keep moving forward...the peace you seek is there for you and true healing is possible. You never deserved anything that happened to you! Your strength and perseverance inspire me! Sometimes it gets hard and it seems like it will never end, but hold on and remember you are worthwhile and hold tremendous value.

NannyPat- Thanks for the kind words and sharing your story! I agree, knowing PC is here and being able to read others experiences gives me great strength and hope, too! Hope you find some joy and comfort this weekend