POSSIBLE TRIGGER POSSIBLY GRAPHIC FOR SOME.......One of my abusers

I had many abusers who wouldnt leave me alone. One in particular just keeps coming to mind these days he was the main one who kept coming after me. He would eventually corner me I don't remember much of the actual attacks but I do remember his voice, and how over and over he would threaten to kill me if I got brave enough to tell. for I was his and he could do what he wanted to me when he wanted to me. All I was to him was a toy, punching bag someone he could intimidate during his drunken parties for I was nothing in public. just his wifes daughter, someone who came with the marriage package that he would never accept. for I didn't deserve to be called his relative in public. But yet over and over in private I was his. for then I was good enough for him to hold, talk to, and f**** to his heart content but in public I had to stay away from him preferably in another room except at mealtimes. if I was playing in the same room as the others and even if I was the quietest I was the one that got yelled at for being too noisy and sent to my room because he was sick of looking at me. I finally broke free of him. I figured as an adult that if I was going to die at least the people in my area were going to know the who and wht and so I went public with the abuse, after threats and attempts on my life he finally left me alone for he finally saw I finnally believed I was worth more than the abuse and keep quiet in public routine he had wrapped around me. He finally knew he may have been hundreds of pounds and feet around and above but I was wiiling to die for my freedom and he WOULD pay the price. as a woman in my 30's I had finally gained my freedom from his " acceptable in private if only for his sick kind of love" love routine. IA big part of my break for freedom I owe to my HOPE friends. Who were there for me and showed me I was a person who should have all along been accepted in private and in public, abuse free from him and any other abusers I encountered. Over the years I wouldn't see this acceptable behavior only in private. but each time it happens to me I recognize it sooner and sooner. Because I still know what I learned from my friends. I am a human being woth being known in public and in private, not one or the other. I will never forget this for the abuse side was pounded into me daily by not just one abuser in childhood and adult hood but many.

As painful as this story is, myself, I take away a sense of victory. You're a person who knows what you are worth. You've overcome the most terrible kind of treatment imaginable and broke free. I admire you a great deal.

tHANKS ((((((((((JustBen)))))))))) Yes it was and is a victory. for no matter what his tactics were after I faught that main public battle I continued on with my day. like right now Im not letting the memories and what led to the memorys get to me. while logged in here Im also got my messenger for my private email going with a friend who is getting married soon, wrapping my sons christmas presents, trying to locate piano music on line because yesterday my therapist located a piano for me to use whenever I wanted to. All I have to do is call the center where it is located and make sure the room is available before I go, and I posted and am online here. love my minimize window feature I don't have to keep logging in and out when I need to do things too.

Myself, yer awesome.

Thank you Hillbunny

I am so sorry that he abused you so severely. You did not deserve this kind of treatment, nobody does. You are a very brave woman and should be commended over and over for your bravery, your willingness to overcome his powerful grasp, and to become your own person and not forever a victim.

You are the strongest person I've met in a long time! You deserve a medal!

Thank you Lexicon. medals are fun to look at and to hold. But Ill take the real treasure. being accepted in public. Basically what it all boils down to is that if I anm good enough to be accepted by people in private for whatever reasons they may have. Then I should be good enough to be known and accepted in public too.

Thank you so much for showing me you do.. Take care my friend