[needalife]

recently i began googling things about fear of becoming [regnant.

i found a phobia that is called - "tocophobia"
but that is not what i am afraid of.tocophobia is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth - namely as it relates to the actual process of childbirth and labour.

i am not afraid of that aspect. . .atleast i dont think i am.
i am afraid of conceiving a child and it growing inside of me.

ive never had a phobia really - but i think this borders on it inways.

i just cant describe the shame and guilt that wash over me when i think of becoming pregnant. like i am too dirty, like it means i did something wrong.

starting around 7-8 yrs old i thought that "God" wanted me to be a nun and never have sex, never have children . . .i wasnt even catholic.

from teen years on i've always had a fear that any child born to me would suffer from Down's Syndrome or some type of hardship along those lines.

i know these thoughts can be traced to some psychological source - i just cant get at the origins.

anyone else been through this?

[Can't Stop Crying]

I think a lot of your feeling of guilt and shame stem from the CSA. Unfortunately, the dirty feeling is far too common in survivors. Are you in therapy? Maybe if you process some of these feelings and re-associate sex as a natural, pleasurable experience rather than an abusive one, your thoughts surrounding pregnancy will change. Do you want to have a child? If it is something you really want, I think healing from your past can help you re-define pregnancy in more positive terms. Good Luck to you and welcome to PC

[needalife]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I think a lot of your feeling of guilt and shame stem from the CSA. Unfortunately, the dirty feeling is far too common in survivors. Are you in therapy? Maybe if you process some of these feelings and re-associate sex as a natural, pleasurable experience rather than an abusive one, your thoughts surrounding pregnancy will change. Do you want to have a child? If it is something you really want, I think healing from your past can help you re-define pregnancy in more positive terms. Good Luck to you and welcome to PC

thank you for your response - you've given me some things to think about. it either stems from abuse(which wasnt that bad) or religious upbringing. probably combination of both. i think i want children. i'm pretty sure i'd (we'd) like to raise them . . .the clock is definitely ticking.
not sure i'll ever want to give birth to a child but i do want them in my life.
And i do need to get over this issue becuase it affects other areas of life.

thanks again.

[Asiablue]

Thank you for raising this issue. I too am terrified of pregnancy and giving birth. I feel like being pregnant is losing total control of your body and personal space, all of a sudden you have docs/nurses who have more of a say over your body that you do.

I feel like it's dirty and sexual. Even tho of course it isn't. Like you the clock is ticking for me and tbh i really don't think i'll ever have children for this reason.

I empathise with how you feel xxx

[Flooded]

Originally Posted by Prettylittleblue

Thank you for raising this issue. I too am terrified of pregnancy and giving birth. I feel like being pregnant is losing total control of your body and personal space, all of a sudden you have docs/nurses who have more of a say over your body that you do.

I feel like it's dirty and sexual. Even tho of course it isn't. Like you the clock is ticking for me and tbh i really don't think i'll ever have children for this reason.

I empathise with how you feel xxx

I've had two kids and never at any stage was there a doctor or nurse in control of my body. I made all the rules and conditions relating to the birth of my children. You do have the power. You just have to be confident enough to tell those power tripping doctors and nurses exactly where they can shove their ego
Or have a homebirth with an independant midwife

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Flooded

I've had two kids and never at any stage was there a doctor or nurse in control of my body. I made all the rules and conditions relating to the birth of my children. You do have the power. You just have to be confident enough to tell those power tripping doctors and nurses exactly where they can shove their ego
Or have a homebirth with an independant midwife

I know in reality i have the power. But the thought of those intimate examinations terrify me.