is it emotional abuse if it doesn't happen every day?

i was emotionally and verbally abused from early childhood (about 2) until i was about 24.

the verbal/emotional abuse happened often but not every day.

ive been wondering whether it can cause damage even if it didnt happen everyday?

i do suffer from Borderline Personality and OCD, Binge eating, anxiety and trust issues. i feel generally ashamed and fearful of people. i have suffered these things since early childhood and have been in treatment since my late teens.

my father says the above may just be caused by self-pity and resentment and not by any real emotional damage.

what do other survivors think? surely the abuse would have to have been daily for it to have a serious effect?

Yes, what you described can cause damage, even if it only happened once/twice.
I know it may be hard for you to ignore what your father said, but he is wrong.
It would be most helpful for you to continue working on this with your therapist.
People don't just "develop" BPD, OCD, binge eating, anxiety, and trust issues for no reason. It sounds like you went through a lot of very difficult/painful things in your life. I am a survivor and I didn't deal with emotional abuse/neglect every day, but it still had an enormous impact on my life. I teach children and I know how open, sensitive, and vulnerable they are - just like we once were(and still can be).

Abuse, any type, is abuse no matter how many times it happens. You should talk to your T about this.

Absolutely it is abuse if it doesn't happen everyday - maybe it makes your father feel better to think that this is down to you and not him?

I think sometimes it is even easier for us to let our parents off the hook and blame ourselves.

I agree that this would be good to talk to your T about.

I am just wondering how he figures it did not happen daily. Usually you guys were the Bill Cosby show, and a couple of times a month somebody yelled, or what? Is that how he sees it?

Take anxiety and trust issues. If things were "fine" Monday thru Thursday, but you lived in dread of Friday, then things were NOT really fine mon-thur, you were anxious and distrustful the ENTIRE week.

Sorry if I sound crabby, I hate this "oh you had it TOO good, that's YOUR problem" argument. There was an article about this on here recently - um - dis- when you make someone prove they're right before you'll admit you're wrong? Somebody remember this?

GOT IT - invalidation

search on this word, there are several threads. I am on a mobile phone, my cut and paste sux.

the schools of classical conditioning might suggest that an irregular pattern of abuse may be harder to heal from. Don't want to discount anyone's experience, abuse is abuse.

good point, Omers

If you were emotionally abused in your family your parents weren't thinking or providing you with a very good development in other areas too. If you can emotionally abuse your child that person is sick.

BPD is caused from invalidation in your environment while growing up. Growing up healthy involves figuring out the world and how you fit into it and if you are being invalidated this throws a wrench into these developmental goals. Binge eating is an addiction and addictions are ways to deal with feelings that you are struggling with. Children are supposed to learn how to deal with their feelings while growing up. Being emotionally abused would certainly mess up learning how to deal with your feelings. OCD and anxiety come from insecurity in your environment while growing up, stuffed feelings and insecure attachment to caregivers to name a few. The environment that you grew up in was the responsibility of your parents to provide a healthy one.

Blaming gets you no where, however. What gets you somewhere is healing, figuring out what you need to work on and getting to work. Do you have a therapist?

Yes, emotional abuse goes undetected a lot and then it just builds and builds. Unfortunately had you been physically abused you would probubly not be askig this question. A lot of times emotional abuse is worse than physical. Physical wounds heal emotional ones usually stick around a lot longer.

Yes it is. Emotional abuse, especially in young children can be very hurtful and defining. It does not need to be daily in order for it to have a lasting effect. Abusers also tend to justify their actions, which is by itself abuse as it gives th victim an even greater feeling of worthlesness.