hi im new to all this

i have buried something that happened to me when i was a child for nearly 15 years and now its come to the surface i dont know why now after all dis time but it has, no one knows my secret and i have no one to talk to about it. i've self harmed because of it and im scared and ashamed. i feel dirty like its all my fault and im afraid to talk about it but feel i need to or im goin to go mad. i cant sleep i cant eat i shake wen i think about it and the very thought of saying it aloud makes me want to vomit. i just want someone to talk to...

I am so sorry about what happened to you when you were a child and I want to tell you that it wasn't your fault. I understand the part about feeling dirty because I struggled with that for years and still do at times. I think it's a good thing that you posted here and I hope you will find tons of support! Would it be possible to find a therapist or counselor to talk to?

thank you for writing to me. ive managed to tell a really close friend but not the details,i just cant the thought of saying it aloud makes me want to be sick i feel like its taking over my whole life like i cant get it out of my head. i feel like its affecting those closest to me because they dont know whats goin on. i've tried to convince myself for years that its not true because i dont want it to be it hurts so bad to think back on it and i get flashbacks of it. i do feel better that i joined this site and i feel better for having told my friend but there is still that nagging feeling that it could become public knowlege and i dont want anyone to know because i was sexually abused as a little girl by a boy the same age as me at the time and another a couple of years older and the part thats so disgusting is their my cousins. im crying right now trying to type dis. i just feel like a nervous wreck and im trying to be strong for my own little girl and i just feel like a failure in every way but my friend has convinced me to go to my doctor and she said she will come with if i want i just feel that if i tell it people wont believe it becauses its disgusting

So glad that your friend is being supportive. I hope you get a therapist. Talking it over in therapy will be really helpful to you. Keep us updated?

i havegone to the doctor and seen a phyciatrist and am being referred to a phycologist i think thats how its spelt. Im also goin to go to counselling im on antidepressents and something to help my anxiety and help stop my self harming i know its a long road yet but im finding that just reading and writing things on this site is already helping. today was a good day the first day i felt a bit more relaxed and a bit more like the person i used to be so thank you all for finding the time to write to me i am truly greatful

Great self care! You go girl!