How I was made

THIS WAS FOR. D I D. !!!!

Just forget it. Yet ANOTHER example of how THEY dont want people to know how THEY can make DID happen!!

You deserve everything! Don't believe those scumbags in the military, I feel so bad what you've been through and hope that you are living your life the way you want!

WePow......((((()))))

I'm sorry you're angry. I am interested in your thread. I can understand if you don't want to post it now, but if you feel up to it you can PM me about it. I would be glad to hear what you have to say.

(((((((((wepow))))))))

I'm sorry wepow (((((wepow))))) I'm interested as well in what you have to say. Please post if you feel comfortable to do so.

WePow
ugh... sorry for your hurting--
for both-- the subject and the thread being moved.
For some of us-- when we do use our voice-- it's so so
important to be heard and -- heard in the correct ways.

fins

It is ok. They moved it because it was too graphic. And I will agree! When a person takes a CHILD - starting at an infant less than 3 months old and rapes them and drowns them and turns them inside out with torture just so they can force DID to form - and so they can make that innocent child into whatever THEY want... well, yes... I would indeed agree that is abuse.

The more I realize that my mind and the mind of other innocent children was taken out and had a sledge hammer put to that empty pure mirror, the angrier I get. And for what? So they can force DID on a person in order to make alters!??? !!!!

I am not theirs! I am not a dog. I was not born with DID. I came into this world WHOLE.

I'm sorry for all the wrongs, hurts and abuses that were done to a sweet little angel. (I think of all little children and domestic pets as "angels")

You are right-- you aren't theirs. No living thing can be owned-- each being is just visiting and learning-- no one is owned.(IMO)

I think of adults being/behaving around children as important tests-- do the adults pass or fail........

I know some that failed miserably around me.....
I believe this "grade" will hang over their heads for eternity--
in that, I have a bit of solace.

I hope you know that the adult/s that abused you failed -- NOT you.

You are unique, a treasure, a gift.

good going-- giving a voice to that which needs to get out.

we'll listen as often as possible!

in my heart,
fins

I once believed as you did, that the adults that harmed me were purposely setting out to create DID in me. then my therapist explained to me the errors in that core belief of mine. only children can create alters. given where I come from the adults didnt know about mental disorders. I asked her if I was crazy for thinking that. she said no. all survivors with DID once they discover how their alters came to be usually think some sort of core belief about they did something wrong to get this or their abusers set out on purpose to create this mental disorder. She said she had older clients who were DID that also believed their abuser set out to purposely create DID. I asked her what happened. She told me she pulled out some books and showed them how its only been the past 10-25 yrs that the mental health community has discovered how DID was created. before then DID wasnt even called DID. it was MPD and there were less than a handful of documented cases available to the mental community and only a couple of those were available through tv shows and a couple books. those shows and books didnt say how DID was created because back then they didnt know that side of MPD. she then told me like she did her older clients -

yes what I went through was horrific and gross and terrible and these abusers set out to make you conform to their will and do what they wanted you to do. but they didnt set out to create a mental disorder. At frist I didnt believe her so she showed me how in books there was a couple cases of MPD that went back in history a ways but the doctors didnt know how the alters were created, the mental health community discovered how DID was created not too long ago going back only about 25 yrs. and they are still learning about DID and how its created.

what she told me helped me to put things back in perspective and deal with the fact that they did horrible things to me.

I know my truth. It is that simple.

http://ritualabuse.us/mindcontrol/mc...n-on-children/

MKULTRA ... it happened. And it is still happening.
As to the medical field not knowing, of course! Hitler's henchies did it and then the US government along with others decided to play around with it in hopes of creating super spies. These techniques were TOP SECRET! But even when I was 6 yrs old and being tortured back in 1976 - not just by my father and NOT by some other people I just can't face emotionally- but by real people who were stone cold evil and took me to day camps in order to teach me how green is not green and it is red unless they say it is blue. And how reality is NOT reality. And how we are "so much better" than the lambs who walk around blindly thinking they are in charge of their little worlds. And how the "family" sticks together. And how "no one will believe you if you ever say anything". Well I tell THEM - The REAL people who did this REAL thing to REAL children... I tell them to go stick it in their stinky place and light the fuse!

thanks for the link wepow.

I'm sorry that you may have been part of some governmental experimenting on children.

I was not. where Im from we were a coal mining town with a max or 500 people everyone either worked in the coal mines, had something to do with working for the coal mining industry.

what my therapist told me and her clients is based on her own knowledge in reference to her clients (me and others with DID that she treats. my therapist does not treat anyone that was part of the Hitler era or those that are with any government agency doing experiments on adults or children, nor adults who were part of going through these government experiments.

of course your truth is your truth. if you reread my previous post you will see I wasnt talking about you. I was sharing how - I - once believed what you now believe and how my therapist and I dealt with it. I was not saying what happened with me and my therapist is the way it is for you and your therapy.

Im sorry my explaining I too shared that idea and how my therapist and I dealt with it upset you, but that wasnt my intention. I was just sharing what I went through. which is all we can do for each other right - share our stories with each other so that they dont feel so alone.

no ones story is going to be exactly like yours and I wasnt trying to match my story completely to yours. we all go through our own things. I was just sharing my story with you in hopes it might help you to feel not so alone.

((((Amandalouise)))) Thank you for this response. For me, it is just very triggering when we think anyone is suggesting that what happened was not real. That is a big part of how we were made. Our very reality was always questioned. For example, the trainer would slap us and then ask "Did that hurt?" If we said "Yes" we were called a liar. If we said "no" we were called a liar. They were always putting us into situations where nothing we thought was real was accepted as real. They would say things like "You didn't hurt because no one can touch YOU. But you did get hurt because your body feels pain."

What they were doing was acutually abusing very old Zen training methods. But a child is not a monk who is under leadership of a Zen master. A child is a child.

It takes a lot of work for us to even accept our own reality. And it took a lot of work with my T to be able to admit to myself that these things did happen. I would give everything I have for my reality to have been not what it is. I could accept my father having done all the bad stuff, because he is sick and I have accepted all of that. But for complete strangers to do what they did to me caused me to HATE the entire world. And that is not in line with my basic personality one bit. I love people. So a double bind was created inside of me. It robs me of friendships and healthy relationships because there is no way I can trust anyone at all to not intend harm to me.

Thank you again for your explaination.

I hope things get better for you.

(((((WePow))))))

I am so sorry and everything you said is completely right. How dare they do this to you! Keep on writing because put that anger back at them.

Have you thought of throwing clay against a wooden board with your T. It does wonderful wonders. As you throw the clay Moist clay and when it hits the board then you may know what I mean.

Your so in our thoughts and you are so NOT a liar. YOU showed them! Despite being DID, you lived and your in control of you and just make sure you put it on them. None of this is your fault, your an awesome human being and get this stuff out!

Were here and were worried about you! Put this back on them ((((WePow)))))) your so awesome.

Know your in our thoughts and keep getting this out. Were here for you please know that!
((((WePow)))) Crew

(((((WePow)))))

I just came to this thread and wanted to say how very sorry I am that you were treated in such a way. It is beyond horrible, beyond all human knowing how some people are just monsters. I am sending you safe, good thoughts your way. Know that you are a special, worthy, wonderful person. Worthy of all the love and support in the whole world. Know your truth as you do, just also know that you are a wonderful person who deserved none of that, who deserved only beautiful, loving things. Safe hugs to you as always.

I too was abused, though not like you. It has taken me a long time to find my truth. It was buried for so long with years of denial heaped upon it. That denial was suffocating me. But I dug out from under it, owned my truth of what happened and owned my truth of who I really am - wonderful, loving, and lovable. Best wishes to you.

Thanks guys :-). I am doing ok today... I really want to act out in some way because I dont want Monday to even exist. I wrote my T and asked for a short reply. I want to not be on THAT day. How could they have done what they did to those babies!!!! And to make a child watch it!!! And tell me I was the one who did the horror because I could not speak and say to do that to the other child instead. Either way they won. I dont want to be awake monday.