[peaches100]

I have a very frank question to ask. I apologize if this triggers anybody.

I've noticed that some persons with SA in their past have a part of themselves that wants to re-create a repetition of that trauma. Not in real life, but in the confines of their mind. They engage in mental reinactments of what happened, and respond in ways that bring great shame.

Why would this happen? What would cause a victim of SA to want to imagine being hurt in that way again and again? And why would they respond to it in ways that make them feel such shame? It doesn't make sense to me.

Can anybody shed some light?

[sorrel]

It's not just sexual abuse where this happens, believe me, it happens with emotional abuse and peer abuse [bullying] too.

In my understanding, it's to do with a distorted attempt to heal the past, to work through it, some kind of tangled twisted flashback state. Plus the whole 'I deserved it' factor.

[buddhablessd]

It seems you are trying to get back what was lost, as in the feeling of safety and stability before the trauma, Its suppose to be common in any traume, that searching for understanding, and meaning in the loss, And trying to get back what was lost. Whatever it was, a person, a feeling, a lifestyle,a residence,a child, a bodypart(hair in men, fertility woman), whatever. Part of the grief process.

BB

[purple_fins]

Could it be that it's not so much the "hurt" being the focus,
as it is the -- "attention" that was received?

I imagine, a little mind/soul that yearns for feeling wanted, special and valued by an adult, attention of any kind can have a BIG pull on that little one.

if not that...perhaps..

Could it be that the "victim" identity is so strong that one perpetuates the abuse(in their mind) to have an identity-- to feel they exist? perhaps that particular feeling is one that can be tolerated better than other upsetting feelings??

wonder... if either of those "fit the bill"?

wishing you inner peace

fins

[googley]

I'm confused about what you are asking. Are you talking about flashbacks? Or a person not being able to stop thinking about the trauma? Or a person getting involved with other people who are abusive? Please elaborate.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I think it's different in many cases. In my case, I fell victim to the "loving" an abuser. It was my minds way of making what happened "right". After the man took something precious to me... I didn't know what else to do but to make myself love him, so I could accept what happened. I denied what happened so I could love him but I loved him because of what happened. It's a nasty vicious cycle and I'm so thankful my mind controlled me more than my heart, if I had acted on those irrational feelings who knows where I would have been. Back in those days I often imagined what had happened happening differently.... I imagined things didn't happen the way they really did. That in the end he was "caring" and "compassionate" and "understanding" and didn't force the things on me that he did. But I knew the truth. It seems like it basically is a way for us to make sense and come to terms with what has happened, in a very irrational unhealthy way. But normal none the less unfortunately...

Denial is healings worst enemy.

Originally Posted by peaches100

I have a very frank question to ask. I apologize if this triggers anybody.

I've noticed that some persons with SA in their past have a part of themselves that wants to re-create a repetition of that trauma. Not in real life, but in the confines of their mind. They engage in mental reinactments of what happened, and respond in ways that bring great shame.

Why would this happen? What would cause a victim of SA to want to imagine being hurt in that way again and again? And why would they respond to it in ways that make them feel such shame? It doesn't make sense to me.

Can anybody shed some light?

Usually repetition compulsion, as I understand it, is behavioral and not confined to the survivor's own mind. So I'm having trouble imagining what you're talking about, maybe you could give an example?

The basic idea as it applies to behavior is that survivors may sometimes engage in activities/attach to people that place them at great risk. For example, a survivor who was raped may start walking alone late at night, and feel compulsive about doing it. A therapist would explain this as she's getting something out of doing this and essentially not being raped. For her, she's trying to break the connection between doing "X" and having the terrible outcome, being assaulted. It is as if she is trying to make the rape she experienced turn out differently, by "playing with fire" and not being burned.

So even though I can't really get my head around what you are talking about, it might be that this applies to repetitions inside one's head. Perhaps there is a trying to make it different aspect to this to.

Here's a good article about re-enactment (repetition compulsion) by van der Kolk, who is the Trauma Man.

Anne

http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk/

[Elli-Beth]

My thought is that it's what I know and deserve. When it doesn't happen, and there's actually a safe relationship, I kind of worry if I'm doing something wrong and wonder why they wouldn't want to hurt me. It's like being hurt is the standard and that safety is the anomoly.

I know logically that this isn't true, but that's what it feels like at the gut level...

[purple_fins]

wonder where you are Peaches100.............