[tryingtorebuild]

I was sexually abused for three years as a little boy, starting when I was seven. I didn't even remember that it had happened until I hit puberty, and I started feeling urges toward my fellow boys as well as girls. As I got older my taste for women grew older, but my taste for boys did not. I knew that something was wrong when my desire for boys overtook my desire for grown women. So, I guess I'm a pedophile. I don't want to be a pedophile. Help, anyone? Anyone else experiencing something similar?

Do you have a therapist that you are able to discuss this issue with?

[tryingtorebuild]

No. Never been to a therapist before. I was wondering if I was a freak or if anyone has had a similar experience

Originally Posted by tryingtorebuild

No. Never been to a therapist before. I was wondering if I was a freak or if anyone has had a similar experience

Well, I don't think you're a freak. It's not unheard of for people who were abused to have these urges as they get older. However, this is a serious issue, especially if you think you may act on these urges. Professional help in dealing with your past, and these urges, is crucial. The fact that you have joined this site is a great first step, shows that you have a good conscience.

[tryingtorebuild]

I would never hurt a kid in my family. They're the only people on this Earth I would give my life to protect. But I can't be around them, cause I can't risk hurting them. I'll be damned if I'm going to let them become some kind of monster like me because of something I do.

[bluemountains]

As you read our posts, Tryingtorebuild, you will see that we are all suffering from our past abuse, although the suffering may not manifest itself in the same ways in each of us. Personally, as I go through therapy, I am finding that I have to confront my past in order to make positive growth. You are a victim, not a freak. Please take care of yourself by seeking out a therapist who can help you to take back your life.

[needfixing]

seriously you need help and hurry.
you wrote you can't trust yourself being around your kid relatives.
remember how it felt when it happened to you. shameful, lonely, betrayed, anger, confused, and the list goes on and on.

[tryingtorebuild]

I can control myself, but I just take precautions.

[Purple Heart]

Make sure you get therapy and start asap. Often when severely abused as a child our sexual development in our teen years is stunted. You need to connect with that inner wounded child in you to achieve healing. Good luck.

[tryingtorebuild]

Thanks so much for your responses. I was expecting to get flamed.