[cuteoinker]

Hi all, I am a brand new member, and this is the first time I have ever been on the internet to try to find some peace, and people who can relate to me. Where to start..... My story is not as devastating as alot of posters on these boards, but I still have many, many, many issues and concerns. To start off with just the bare basics, I was emotionally abused by my mom and dad all of my life, when I was a teenager my mom was diagnosed with bipolar depression and basically was to busy drinking, partying, cheating on my dad to want my siblings and I any longer, my parents were both alcoholics, and just recently my mother was actually diagnosed with schizophrenia. I have always had terrible self esteem, nothing I did was good enough for my parents, and nothing can put into words how empty I feel sometimes. I am very overweight, food is my drug, I have 2 beatiful children who I LOVE, and do not want to repeat the cycle with, and yet I feel like I will never, ever be normal. That is all I want is to feel like a normal person. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I am in counseling, I am not meds, I am NEVER happy in my heart. I just want to heal, forgive and forget. Will I feel like this forever? Can anything help? I have come to the end of my rope, and I just need to talk with someone who understands. My husband is so,so patient and understanding, but after 8 years of my depression, I think he is beginning to think nothing he ever does will make me happy, and he is losing hope. This affects every single aspect of my life, my being a mother, a wife, a person. I am sorry if this sounds bland and unfeeling. I really am desperate, and so sick and tired of feeling like nothing will ever be okay. Can anyone at all relate to what i am going through?

[LMo]

Welcome, cuteoinker (cool name, btw). I think that a lot of people will be able to relate to you. I'm glad you found us, but I'm sorry you have to be here

I think you'll find good support, and I am happy for you that you have a patient and understanding husband. He might be interested in attending a NAMI session near you, for support for himself.

[cuteoinker]

I have not heard of NAMI, what is it? Thank you for welcoming me, I really hope that I can gain some insight and tips to lead a happier life. I appreciate you posting back to me. This is hard to get into such painful matter with people who are strangers. My story is so looooooooong. I don't think my hubby even knows all of it, he certainly does not know exactly what goes on in my head. I just want to be a good mother to my children, and a good wife to him. I feel like a constant failure in life.