Abused Children of a mother with Schizoid Personality Disorder

Hi. I am the mother through adoption of two boys that were abused by their biological mother fairly violently for a period of 18 months or so. We have had the boys 4 years and three years prior to that they were in foster care.

We searched for and found the boys bio family shortly after adopting them and have had a reasonable good relationship wtih them. A year and a half ago all contact with the birthmom stopped, although the birth-grandma has kept in contact and the paternal relatives have recently initiated good contact. Birthmom was diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder and although I knew that, I had not done much research on it. This past week, I was so inclined and now really UNDERSTAND why she hasnt been able to maintain a relationship with us --- she is simply incapable. That being said, however, doesnt help our sons to understant the whys and how comes of why someone who should love them, doesnt seem capable right now.

I was wondering if anyone knew of any GOOD books geared for children that talks about mental illness in families or loving someone who has done bad things .... Those sorts of ideas.

Thanks! Jen

I dont have a book to recommend yet but will definitely research it I jsut wanted to say you have my admiration for your choices you've made. I'm adopted. That's all I'll say.
I'll try to find any resources that may help them but what ages are they? that would help a little.

Serenity

Serenity,

Thank You for your reply. It took me another hour or so to re-find this site and figure out how to post again .

Our boys are now 7 and a half and almost 9. I should point out that we also have two other sons, now 6 and 2 and a half. Those boys are our biological sons. (The 6 year old was 2 when we adopted our other two.)

I have such a strong desire for openness in our relationship with our boys first-family, especially their first-mother. I know how beneficial it can be for ALL of us ... including her, because in order for her to deal with the reality of her past, she must face the reality of what happened to her children. HOWEVER, I am slowly discovering that even if I am a prime candidate for an open adoption, she isnt capable. Its very painful for the kids and I want a way to explain to them that they can understand. Its so hard when birthdays go by unagknowledged by anyone in their birthfamily or when major life events go unnoticed. Its been a hard journey for ME to realize that their birthmom isnt whole and capable of the type of relationship I desire (I suppose I was a bit naive, considering the abuse and neglect the boys sufferred but I figured that she had already paid the highest price possible in the loss of her boys and anything i could do to ease her pain would be beneficial) so I cant imagine who difficult the journey is going to be for them.

The boys are doing AMAZINGLY well. What I would like to do is be able to prepare them to understand this information BEFORE adolescence.

Again, thanks for your response.
Jen

PS. My mom was a birthmom 11 years before I was born in a horrible, typical 60's adoption scenario. I think seeing her pain made me more understanding of the position of each triad member.