Flashback or psycosis?

Saw my T today. She told me a strange thing. I've been having flashback and sometimes I would walk into a room and be in a different time and place. Now they tell me I have psycosis because of the bipolar II. Everything is so confusing. I'm dealing with a new diagnose and with sessions about the rape and chilhood abuse. So I'm reeling a bit and don't understand. She tried explaining but I had a bit of a tantrum and left. Thoughts anyone?

((((2bme)))),

Try to be kind to yourself about the tantrum. That does happen when we are struggling with something we don't understand. It is very frustrating to work through what you are trying to work through. I am sorry that you had that happen to you, try to allow yourself to calm down and make a decision that you are going to permit yourself to work through this.

I have to admit that working through memories of trama that are coming forward like this is not easy. It is so hard when the emotions get strong and yes the anxiety that can feed into that can be a challenge. I have had times where I got so all I could do is sit in my bed trying to slow down and work through some bloody awful floods of strong emotions.

I actually can remember when I started with this therapist I am seeing now and too much was coming forward with me too. And at the time no one was there for me at home and I didn't have any support so it made it so much worse. So I was really bad and managed to call my therapist because I didn't know what to do. And while I waited for him to call back I was sitting on my bed really struggling and feeding into it without realizing it. A customer called and I picked up thinking it was my therapist calling back and I was completely caught off guard. But this customer was so nice and had done trama work to my surprise and talked me through it. What she kept saying to me is to focus on the moment and nothing else to completely let go and just allow myself to be in the moment. She kept telling me over and over and told me to repeat it with her. And 2bme, it made such a difference and it helped me so much. My therapist never called and later said he had lost my phone number, I had only seen him maybe twice.

2bme, I am not a therapist/specialist but I can share what I have worked through and learned. I have learned to do my best to not feed into these experiences with fear and panic. And I give myself permission to find a safe place and just focus on self soothing and slowing my breathing and saying to myself that I can work through it.
At the time I did take Klonopin to help me get through these difficult times where too much was happening and I struggled with being able to handle it. And I gradually learned how to do my best to slow down and try not to let too much come forward all at once. I had to learn to understand that it was part of the healing and what I had to do and work through it and allow myself to be in a quiet safe place until it passed.
And as time went on I got better at doing that, but it did take time.

As time went on I began to recognize that because I didn't understand what was happening I did unknowingly feed into it and it was my own fear. So I had to learn "HOW" to slow down and allow it to pass.

From where I am now looking back I realize that because I was experiencing the memories/flashbacks I was also experiencing a lot of emotions too. And because I didn't understand it, I just got scared and as I mentioned fed into it. It is hard to understand what is going on and why. But now I can see that what was happening was that the emotions and fears were coming through and if I simply quietly allowed them to come through without letting it scare me too much, it was easier.

I think that it probably would have been less frightening for me had someone really explained what was taking place and it is going to ease up with time and to try to be patient. I think that the hardest part was the unknown of what it meant. If I was told that when emotions come forward that the chemicals that emotions create also come forward and that if I stopped and just went someplace quiet and safe that I COULD calm myself down and work through it and I would be ok. I know it would have made a difference if I had understood that what was happening was normal to trama recovery and it was explained to me that the reason I need to regonize that if I took time to consciously work at self soothing and do what that customer had advised, I would be able to control it much better.

Yes, I can relate to what you are discribing about feeling so out of touch from where you really are, even feeling like you are somewhere different. I began to realize what that ment and how to bring myself down from that slowly and not let it frighten me.

2bme, so far you are doing the right things, you are protecting yourself from taking on the problems of others and you are learning how to give yourself permission to step back and work through your own issues. You do have to allow that to happen and not feel guilty in any way that you need whatever time it takes to slow down and work through this. You have to make up your mind to let go of any guilt about not being able to "just" be in better control like other people can. You are doing trama work right now and it is every bit like recovering from some kind of physical injury where you have to allow yourself to sit back and allow it to heal. And YES this is different because it is your brain and that is hard to understand. But by letting yourself give yourself a big time out to work on this slowly, you CAN gain in time. And each person if different so DO NOT THINK YOU HAVE TO RUSH OR SHOULD BE BETTER OR ARE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH ETC. This IS going to take time.

I hope I helped you, I am trying to give you what I learned and needed to hear myself. I cannot tell you enough to be very kind to yourself as yes this is going to take time and you have to allow yourself to work through it slowly. Remember always that none of this is your fault at all and it doesn't mean you are failing at anything or that it is going to go on forever. This is going to take time and you have to simply let the therapy run the course of helping you work your way through this. And no, other people are not going to understand this, but there are other people that go through this and do heal in time, and many are here working through it too and can understand that it is a challenge. Allow yourself to keep trying and give it time.

((((Kind caring soothing hugs))))
Open Eyes

It definitely makes sense that it's confusing! You may having some psychosis, but this may or may NOT be related to any flashbacks that you are experiencing. I don't blame you for being upset and leaving, but hopefully you will give T a chance to clarify things for you next time?
I always follow this general rule: if it's real to me, then it's real. I have to accept that it might not be real to someone else, but that's okay with me.

Just so tired. Had a bit of a family drama on top and all my anger that I keep so neatly tucked away in a box exploded. That made this day far worse than the others.

((((2bme)))),

Yes this can happen when working through PTSD, so be patient. You are going to get angry and frustrated and don't be hard on yourself if you get short tempered. PTSD is a lot of work, can be tiring so make sure you get rest whenever you need it. You can't stop this, your brain needs to go through a recovery process and this takes time and therapy and a lot of patience. This is not about punishment of failure, this is all about "HEALING" and your brain does have a lot of work to do to get through this.
You honestly have to make sure you do your best to protect this and self sooth and be patient. Other people around you are going to have to allow you to do what you need to heal too. You cant be feeling guilty about their needs right now. I wish someone told me all this when I was struggling. And as I have said if you can get one family member to sit down and be told that this is a REAL difficult problem that is going to take you time to heal from and to lay off and give you support and space, then that is very important.

SERIOUSLY, be kind to yourself no matter what, allow yourself plenty of space and time to work through this. It is a lot of work and hard to understand and yes it can get harder if you push too hard or worry too much about how much other people are so unsupportive. Wow, if I understood that better, I would have not been so afraid and felt so guilty. If I could go back the one thing I would demand was my therapist to tell my family that I need plenty of space an understanding to work through something I cannot help and that they need to support me to do just that.

Please be very KIND TO YOURSELF RIGHT NOW, understand that THIS TRUELY TAKES TIME. Allow yourself to HEAL and it will be so much easier.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Don't believe you have Bi-polar, but I am not a doctor. The childhood abuse causes serious trauma and flashbacks. Maybe you should find a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder therapist that helps walk you through memories and trama dreams, etc.
Disorders are over rated. You have suffered enough to make you have flashbacks and issues with reality in the now. Sorry, I just do not agree you have CSA and Bi-Polar disorder. Give me a break. Doctors and therapist sometimes throw out diagnosis's like they are just general vocabulary words. Research what Bi-Polar is and get a second opionion from a psychiatrist or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder therapist, a Phd is best. Don't accept anything that is just tossed your way. You have so many valid issues with CSA going on. Does Bi-Polar run in your family? This is often genetic. Stay grounded and focused on what it is that you are needed help for, don't always buy into what the "therapist" suggests. Just food for thought. Again, I am not a therapist but have been misdiagnoses with a million disorders. The problem is I am saine but the abuse was wrong and hurt me. I am working with a T on it too. All my best

my thoughts since whats happening can be one or the other or both depending upon context that it is happening, other accompanying symptoms, stress factors..... if this was happening to me I would contact my treatment provider, apologize for the temper tantrum and leaving without at least listening/ discussing the issue, then ask her to go slower and clarify what she was trying to say. theres nothing wrong with saying hold it your confusing and frustrating me slow down and tell me in a way that I can understand you. Ive told my treatment providers this many times.

You had the tantrum because you didn't like what she was saying?

Your feelings are valid.