[mandamoo42]

....as he held me down and raped me when i was just a LITTLE GIRL....he was my older brother for godsake!!! 4 years older than me and built like a brick **** house...i was only 12...and no matter what i did to resist him amd fight back, none of it made any diffrence!!!!....i was absolutely POWERLESS to stop him and my parents didn't give a **** what was going on either...not til it started causing problems for them, people in authority asking awkward questions they didnt want to answer...i was completely alone with it all...then my mum and brothers discredited me to everyone by saying i was a 'jealous liar' making it all up...i kept telling when i was 13 14 17 19 and 21...nobody listened or even cared!!!!....my life had been systematically destroyed and it didn't MATTER to anyone except me...when i was much older and had had my own kids i even asked my mother why she didnt put a stop to it and she told me i cld have put up with it another year then escaped to university...WTF????.....so i know she knew and i know she didn't care...and still expected me to pass my A levels and then do my degree...obviously i can see now she was off her bloody head too!!! like my deranged brothers....THEY have all gone on to have good lives but mine is in total bloody shreds...i drink too much, smoke far too much pot, rely on meds to keep me frm killing myself or someone else, i am a nervous wreck who lacks the ability to take control of myself and my life and make something of myself before it's too late...so now i am going to have to go back into therapy but my useless bloody GP will not send me back to the NHS mental health unit at the local hospital for more, so i'm going to have to pay for it privately....i myself am on sickness benefit but my partner has offered to pay for it....NEITHER OF US shld have to, it's my family's repsonsibility because it was THEM who did the damage, i feel like sending them the bill for it but it will only get ignored as they have been doing for the last 11 years since my dad died...my dad was the only one who cared...but even then he chose to believe my mum and brothers' lies over my truth until i left home at 17 to escape the abuse...me dropping out of school and uni at the same time...only then did the penny finally drop with him that there was something really wrong...he insisted i went home and after that i was never raped or molested again...but i knew i was not welcome...i confronted my mum aged 20 and she slapped me round the face and told me never to mention it again otherwise i wld be out on my arse and she wldnt let me come back next time...i left home a year later aged 21 and this has been dogging me ever since...i just can't get free of it...the reason for this diatribe is i woke this morning frm a horrible dream in which my brother was abusing me and every time i hit him he just laughed at me and my punches werent even affecting him...nothing i did changed it!!!!....it was always going to happen and it was only going to stop when he was ready...i think my dad must have threatened to kick his head in if he touched me again and my brother WAS abloody coward at the end of the day...and so is ANYONE who abuses a defenceless innocent child as i was...

thanks for reading this, just had to vent,

[Ardmore]

"Sending safe vibes your way"
Wish I could do more.

(((((manda)))))

Proud of you for letting this out, I was sexually abused by my brother too and my parents didn't care, IMO it makes them as bad them, I was told by my mum it couldn't of happened to me as I went on to have kids WTF????

Honestly are we meant to live like nuns? sending you many hugs

[Luce]

Hearing you loud and clear. Sometimes I think it is the mom's that are most at fault. I was abused by both my father and my brother but disclosed my brothers abuse when I was a child. It was swept under the carpet and I was labelled as the crazy one, forced into ongoing contact and the abuse continued. It was only many years later that I discovered when my disclosure occured my brother disclosed my our father's abuse of HIM (and in the course of that our father admitted abusing myself and the other children in the family too). I asked our mother why she didn't do anything about it, why she joined in the scapegoating of me and allowed my brother and our father to continue to abuse myself and others.

Our mother said "I couldn't think about it because if I did *I* wouldn't be able to sleep with him again."

For f***s sake, What kind of mother thinks like that??? What kind of mother thinks like yours, saying you "only had to put up with it for another year."

That's just sick.

[Sannah]

I think that they are all at fault. Households where the boys abuse the girls are households where the parents give the message that it is okay. Moms who allow this are moms who were abused themselves and never dealt with it. Denial is how they get through their day. They deny their own abuse and deny their daughters. Sick, sick families.

Mando, I hope that you get a therapist. Keep us posted on how you are doing?

[yellowted]

thankyou for writing this mandamoo 42, it was just like i was reading one part of my own life, only my stepfather was doing the same as my brother, brother caught me every time as i passed his room, and stepfather would come sneeking into my room or grope me whenever I got in reach of his grubby hands. yep I was a wreck. yep mother knew, and like yours she let them stay and continue because 'I would leave home in a few years time and she didn't want to grow old alone' She has made me out to be a liar too. only my patience has paid off, i heard last year that the arsehole(stepfather) died after getting a horrible skin condition, so now she is alone...justice for ignoring my needs.
I decided the best way for me to deal with the past was to stay there just long enough to get my grades at colledge, once i had them i was equipped to financially support myself in work, i moved 200 miles away and kept my distance, they never cared so neither did i for them. i think of the whole family as pieces of shxt. I did crack when i lost my partner but even then mother was more interested in herself than my needs. that concreted my thoughts that I have no family, to me the whole lot are dead. I have had a life mixed with all sorts of feelings, some good, some bad, and yes i am under mental health because of my childhood experiences, but I am still better off without my so called family than i ever would be by including them in my life.
I have accepted Mother will never understand what her denial has done to me, or how much i crave for her to love me, but know this will never be.
As i was told many times as a child I want doesn't get.

on a positive note, if your GP will not refer you for talking therapy, have you thought about contacting PALS (patient advice leasion service) they are pretty good, other ways are to contact your local MP councillor or the corperate complaints manager at your local council, they are usually pretty good at helping put complaints together and sorting things out around health issues.
good luck x

[Purple Heart]

Hi

I experienced sibling abuse but it was the other way around. My older sister (six years older) abused me as a child (I’m male) by psychological bullying. She was horrible to me and like many of you have commented I was IGNORED. She got away with it and in adulthood I experienced major depression and significant PTSD. But I’m now getting my anger out and healing from the pain inflicted on me.