[MoAnamCara]

Sorry, don't know where to start or what to say. I need to talk to my t about this stuff but am in a fragile place due to other life issues. But these things, years old, still plague me, trigger me. Im over it. Just don't know what to do. Seems never ending. I don't know how to start this topic, how to raise it. My behaviors currently are somewhat out of character and they aren't helping. I feel so alone, not wanting to have to deal with stupid stuff, memories, triggers that come out of left field. Is it possible to never be rid of this stuff?

[Leed]

You can rid yourself of it by dealing with it, and learning how to cope. You may not TOTALLY wipe it out completely, but you'll learn how to cope with it in a way that it won't "eat you up" anymore or constantly be in your memory bank. You'll occasionally be reminded of it, but you'll be able to return it to the 'back' again quickly with the tools you learn in therapy.

[skeksi]

For me, healing has meant switching my focus from being free of the memories and reactions to learning how to accept them. They are part of what it is to be me, unfortunately, so rolling with them makes it easier to get through them. Note that I said "easier," not "easy," because it can still be hard.

What helped me was talking with T over and over about whatever it was that came up. I had tons of sessions that started with, "I had another meltdown this week." I got less and less embarrassed by my reactions--shame was a huge part of what was making me miserable.

It IS hard to go through this. I'm sorry you're stuck in this painful place right now.