[BrokenNBeautiful]

so that I can heal from what my aunt did to me.

I am so triggered.

And this rel will never work until I heal.

I have to stop living my aunt's legacy of abuse and addiction to s*x and love.

Andy does understand and he respects this.

I am online right now because I wanted to call him to ask him to come over again, but instead I am here.

I can't keep hanging on to him.

I have to start paying attention to myself and stop living thru someone else.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I will go ahead and give myself a

(((Billi)))

[Open Eyes]

Well, it is good that Andy is understanding. It sounds like you are hanging onto him, and don't really love Andy?

What plans can you make to "invest" in yourself? Can you add to your education, join classes that could be fun, like art classes etc? What would "you" like to get more involved in that would be about "you"?

Open Eyes

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Well, it is good that Andy is understanding. It sounds like you are hanging onto him, and don't really love Andy?

Open Eyes

I do love him. I just can't do love right now. And I need to focus on myself right now. I really hope you understand this. I do love him and I miss him. But I need to love myself first. I apologize, but I am afraid you think I don't love him. I do. I have to love myself first now. Not him.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am afraid this is why hardly anyone replied.

I am not what some ppl might think I am.

I have to recover from my abuse before I make any committments right now.

I do care about Andy.

Please don't misunderstand, guys, please. I am doing this because I love him. I can't keep putting him thru more pain and I cna't keep distracting myself from my recovery.

B.

[Focus62]

I think that is a very wise decision ((Billi)). I did the same thing with my ex-boyfriend. I could not provide for him what he craved, needed, and wanted, and it was completely unfair how cold I was acting towards him because of my own hangups on the abuse I've experienced. I need to love myself before I can love others, and I need to heal myself before I will ever be able to be in a relationship that lasts, and that's of healthy give and take. I don't have any advice unfortunately, but I think you are being very smart about this.

[Open Eyes]

(((billi)))),

I respect your decision. I hope you are in therapy and can discuss this with your T as well. We cannot just get better on our own, we do need a support system so we can find our way to loving ourselves and getting to the point where we can also allow ourselves to love others as well.

I do understand billi,
(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((billi)))),

I respect your decision. I hope you are in therapy and can discuss this with your T as well. We cannot just get better on our own, we do need a support system so we can find our way to loving ourselves and getting to the point where we can also allow ourselves to love others as well.

I do understand billi,
(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

I don't know if I told you before, I cannot go to therapy. Money and no more resources in my area from cutbacks. I am talking to my mentor; he has experience with this kind of thing. I am doing my best to get help. I am. I am going to lots of 12 step meetings, online and face to face and figuring out who I can trust there.

I appreciate your respecting my decision and letting me know.

Peace.

B.