[db091]

I'm really struggling with a highly abusive and difficult situation and not sure what to do.

I graduated a year ago from higher ed. Unfortunately, I trained for a job in a very difficult field -- following my passion, rather than thinking practically. It was very isolating, and I made few friends. After graduation, I didn't have a job lined up, so I stayed for a year and took two part-time positions at the school that I graduated from doing odds and ends. It amounted to 40 hours. The pay wasn't great, but I was surviving.

My parents have been begging me to move home for years, claiming that they missed me. Part of the reason that I took the jobs at my school this past year was to stay away from my mother who is an alcoholic. She's a nice person when she is sober, but when she drinks, her entire personality changes. She's not the same. Last time when I was home, I got in a bad fight with her and cut myself with a knife across the stomach so bad that it was bleeding and still have scar. When she is drunk just being in the house with her is enough to for her to pick a fight with me and cause a major blow out. She hates the sight of me.

This year, I got offered a job at home that was full time. I accepted the position and agreed to move back. Since it's only a one year temporary job, I decided to move back in with them. I owe a lot of money in student loans. It's been an absolutely horrible month since I've been back. My mother has been worse than ever. I have two months until my new job begins, and she has been belligerent to me, extremely verbally and emotionally abusive, and my self harm has reached new levels. I currently have a black eye, scratches down one side of my face, and a broken finger, all self inflicted. She mocks me, screams at me, berates me, and tells me that I'm worthless on a daily basis and that I'm going nowhere.

She screams in my face: "Grow up." "Get your life together." "Get out of here, princess." "You just want to live like a college kid, forever." "There are 20 year olds at my job who are more mature than you." 'They make fun of you when I tell them about
you at my work." "I don't know where I went wrong with my kids." "Get out of here." "Leave." "Go." "You're pretty stupid." "I hope you end up somewhere dead." "I do everything for you." "You're scared." "Perpetual student." "You're just a baby." "You're like a sixteen year old." "Lazy."

I have out of state insurance that doesn't cover counseling here. I don't get my new insurance until I start working, and I don't yet have a car.

My father is emotionally and verbally abusive, also. I think he pushed her toward alcoholism because of his own mental problems. He's some type of narcissist.

My brother is selfish, cold, and distant. If I tell him what is going on, he brushes it off saying, "I wasn't there. I don't know what to tell you." I was in the car with one of his friends recently, who couldn't believe how rude he was when I brought up a fight with my mother. It's amazing. He's also the favorite child of my mother, who does everything for him and babies him like a child.

I have no family. My mother's adoptive parents are dead, and her adoptive brothers are homeless drug addicts. My mother's biological family told her on her 50th birthday to never contact them again, and they want nothing to do with us. I haven't heard from them in 20 years, and they live in another state. My father's parents are both long dead, and my father's sister's family only have shallow relationships with us. We see them once a year.

I have no family, no friends. No one cares if I live or die. I'm not sure resources exist for me, out there. I tried to reach out to my one friend, as I've lost most friends because it's hard to be around me because I'm always depressed. Most of the time, my one friend ignores me and doesn't return my phone calls.

I'm not sure what to do anymore or that there's much hope for my life.

P.S. After I accidentally broke my finger. My finger was purple and swollen. She told me to take the splint off, I was just faking it to get attention.

My mother drinks daily, while driving home from work. She's wasted by the time she walks in the door. She refuses to admit she has any type of problem and blames everyone else for her drinking. No one believes me when I try to tell them about her alcoholism because in public, she acts overly nice and normal.

[Skeezyks]

Hello db: I'm so sorry you find yourself to be in this dreadful situation. Unfortunately, I don't know what exactly I could offer in terms of suggestions. But, from what you wrote, I would say get as far away from all of this as you can, as fast as you can, & don't look back! I'm sure being alone in some unfamiliar new place would be difficult. But I can't imagine it could be any worse than what you describe. I wish you well...

[db091]

Thanks! Today, I was blessed with a better day. I'm crossing my fingers something will work out for me in my career, and I can move out of my parent's house, permanently.

[nicoleflynn]

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life; I highly recommend it. Abusers are insecure and angry about THEMSELVES, and take it out on others.

[BLUEDOVE]

Oh,please get away from them,alone or not you need to save
dear self from this family poison which is killing you.
Quote: "In order to love,or even like oneself,one must behave in ways one can respect and admire."
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[starryprince]

Unfortunately I don't know of any resources for you, but I really wish I did. I know what it's like to be emotionally abused and it sucks that it's so hard to find resources for us. I wish you the best of luck with your situation. I know getting out of that situation will be tough. It's easier said than done. I am hoping that once you start to work, you will be able to save up money and move out. I wish there was something you could do in the mean time. There has to be some resource out there that will help you. I'm sure of it. Stay safe and remember that none of this is your fault.

[reb569]

Originally Posted by db091

I'm really struggling with a highly abusive and difficult situation and not sure what to do.

I graduated a year ago from higher ed. Unfortunately, I trained for a job in a very difficult field -- following my passion, rather than thinking practically. It was very isolating, and I made few friends. After graduation, I didn't have a job lined up, so I stayed for a year and took two part-time positions at the school that I graduated from doing odds and ends. It amounted to 40 hours. The pay wasn't great, but I was surviving.

My parents have been begging me to move home for years, claiming that they missed me. Part of the reason that I took the jobs at my school this past year was to stay away from my mother who is an alcoholic. She's a nice person when she is sober, but when she drinks, her entire personality changes. She's not the same. Last time when I was home, I got in a bad fight with her and cut myself with a knife across the stomach so bad that it was bleeding and still have scar. When she is drunk just being in the house with her is enough to for her to pick a fight with me and cause a major blow out. She hates the sight of me.

This year, I got offered a job at home that was full time. I accepted the position and agreed to move back. Since it's only a one year temporary job, I decided to move back in with them. I owe a lot of money in student loans. It's been an absolutely horrible month since I've been back. My mother has been worse than ever. I have two months until my new job begins, and she has been belligerent to me, extremely verbally and emotionally abusive, and my self harm has reached new levels. I currently have a black eye, scratches down one side of my face, and a broken finger, all self inflicted. She mocks me, screams at me, berates me, and tells me that I'm worthless on a daily basis and that I'm going nowhere.

She screams in my face: "Grow up." "Get your life together." "Get out of here, princess." "You just want to live like a college kid, forever." "There are 20 year olds at my job who are more mature than you." 'They make fun of you when I tell them about
you at my work." "I don't know where I went wrong with my kids." "Get out of here." "Leave." "Go." "You're pretty stupid." "I hope you end up somewhere dead." "I do everything for you." "You're scared." "Perpetual student." "You're just a baby." "You're like a sixteen year old." "Lazy."

I have out of state insurance that doesn't cover counseling here. I don't get my new insurance until I start working, and I don't yet have a car.

My father is emotionally and verbally abusive, also. I think he pushed her toward alcoholism because of his own mental problems. He's some type of narcissist.

My brother is selfish, cold, and distant. If I tell him what is going on, he brushes it off saying, "I wasn't there. I don't know what to tell you." I was in the car with one of his friends recently, who couldn't believe how rude he was when I brought up a fight with my mother. It's amazing. He's also the favorite child of my mother, who does everything for him and babies him like a child.

I have no family. My mother's adoptive parents are dead, and her adoptive brothers are homeless drug addicts. My mother's biological family told her on her 50th birthday to never contact them again, and they want nothing to do with us. I haven't heard from them in 20 years, and they live in another state. My father's parents are both long dead, and my father's sister's family only have shallow relationships with us. We see them once a year.

I have no family, no friends. No one cares if I live or die. I'm not sure resources exist for me, out there. I tried to reach out to my one friend, as I've lost most friends because it's hard to be around me because I'm always depressed. Most of the time, my one friend ignores me and doesn't return my phone calls.

I'm not sure what to do anymore or that there's much hope for my life.

P.S. After I accidentally broke my finger. My finger was purple and swollen. She told me to take the splint off, I was just faking it to get attention.

My mother drinks daily, while driving home from work. She's wasted by the time she walks in the door. She refuses to admit she has any type of problem and blames everyone else for her drinking. No one believes me when I try to tell them about her alcoholism because in public, she acts overly nice and normal.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I think you really need to find a way to get out of there, sooner rather than later. Can you pick up a temp job through a temp agency while you are waiting for the other job to start so that you can get an apartment or even a room somewhere?

[mimsies]

I agree with others who say you need to get out of that house. There may be shelters or other services provided in your area. There may not, but it could be worth at least looking into.

I don't know if it would help, even just to make you feel better because you have evidence, but you might consider audio recording the way your parents, especially your mother, talk, and treat you, as well as having examples of her drunken state. You also need to look into the laws in your state about recording conversations if you want to do that

As far as dealing with them at home, remember that they are going to treat you this way, no matter what you do. When you react, two things are going on, you are providing them even more ammo, and something to which they can be even more reactive, and you are doing exactly what they want, giving them the satisfaction of your reaction, and letting them know they got to you.

That being said, It isn't your fault. It isn't your fault what they do to you, nor the fact that it hurts you. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you react to mistreatment, unfortunately, it just gives them more to hurt you with. I mention this because the only way to deal with my emotionally and verbally abusive father with whom I live is to go blank faced and stop any and all emotional reaction. It is really difficult to do.

Take care, and get out of there. In the end, that will be the only real way.

[db091]

Thank you for your suggestions and support. Today was another difficult day. My mother saw me getting a drink of water from downstairs in the kitchen as she was sitting at the table and snapped, "Don't bother me," as I walked by her. My father called me fat because I had a individual size pizza at lunch time, no breakfast, and a 6" inch sub for dinner. I was still hungry, and I chopped up a tomato and turned it into a salad. He saw me eating it after dinner and made fun of me. I'm not skinny, but I'm not "fat" either. I'm only a little over my BMI at 160 pounds. I'm in my early 30s. My brother is entertained when people insult me, and he was sitting on the couch with a big smile, looking happy that my father was abusing me. He's very un-supportive and contributes to the problem. My parents baby him and favor him.